"Don’t forget what my mama said…"

[baristajedi]

(Note: I probably posted this in the totally wrong place, I'm not sure where this kind of post belongs)


I'm listening to that song by RuPaul, fly fly fly fly and I'm just finding myself really intrigued by that line "don't forget what my mama said". You hear it in a lot of songs, the gist is a sense of empowerment, like "my mama always said don't let anyone keep you down, you're born to be who you are, you're exactly who you should be…" or something to that effect.

I find it particularly interesting right now because I'm thinking a bit about my family, and my experiences with them since coming out. I know that a lot of us are lucky and have loving supportive families, but so many of us do not have supportive families. So many parents really do not support you being "who you are" when it comes to being gay, bi, trans… Yet this line appears in a lot of these songs. Like in Born this Way - my mama told me when I was young, we're all born superstars… I know it's a trope, but it's just got me wondering - is that just a catchy line? Is it what we wish our parents told us about who we are? Is it what we think our parents *should* say?

What are your experiences in coming out? How did your families react? Do you have supportive people in your life (whether "real" family or friends/loved ones)?

I have to say I'm incredibly lucky, I'm in no way complaining because my family is pretty much incredibly loving and supportive, especially my Dad, he's just been amazing. BUT (there's always a but). Other than my dad, I get the impression that my family… well they don't care all that much at all about the enormous changes in my life since I've come out.

They don't seem all that interested in the fact that I'm separating from my (ex) husband, that I'm dealing with enormous feelings, some of which have been the hardest I've ever dealt with (because of both the separation, particularly because I have a wee girl, and because I live far from everyone in my family, across the ocean, and because coming out has been pretty scary in a lot of ways by itself). They don't seem to even realise how massive a shift this is in my life. And then there are the good feelings, I want them to celebrate those with me. They seem really uninterested in all of this. My mother seems uncomfortable talking about my girlfriend (even though I always thought she'd be the one who'd be so relaxed about me being gay, being with a woman, etc.). When I say I've fallen in love for the first time IN MY LIFE (I'm 38 years old), when I say here's what it feels like coming out, or here's what it feels like not being able to come out to certain people, when I say here's what's happening at home, things are total shit right now or things have gotten really good between me and the ex, here's how my daughter's adjusting…. I guess when I say those things, I expect them to ask questions, say something to show they want to hear more, they care about those aspects of my life. But what I tend to get is very mild interest followed by - so your niece's show went well and, I like my new flat.

I mean, yes of course I want to hear about my niece's show and my mother's new flat, etc etc. I show a lot of very real enthusiasm and interest when I hear those things, but I just wonder… if someone in my family was going through such massive shifts in their life, I would show more …. more something, just more….. (I should mention that I've always been close to my family, so these responses are very…. weird to me.)

Thanks for listening to my rant…..