Why did I get ghosted?

[kai35]

I'm still left wondering if we're looking at a situation where there are two guys here who are really into each other, one who will never initiate and needs more contact before he responds, and another who is stronger and more empowered, who contacted once and will never again. Stumbling into intimacy can be hard.

Since you brought up the topic of initiating conversation, I suppose there's a relevant fact I have yet to mention. I talked to this guy for some time about 3 or 4 years ago on an app, which we both remembered and discussed prior to meeting up. He told me that my political opinions (which were substantially different and more rigid back then) left him with a negative impression, and we gradually lost contact, and that this was why he was hesitant to contact me again. But then after getting to know me this time, he said he had much better vibes.

The psychiatrist in me says that this paints the picture of someone who is very reluctant to let people into his life without the assurance that there will be utter harmony (characteristic of an avoidant introvert). It still does not explain the abrupt cessation of any sort of communication, even to ignore texts as simple as asking how his weekend went.

[kai35]

But another lesson... and this is something it sounds like you and I share ... is we have to be VERY careful NOT to get overly invested in a 'relationship' too quickly. There has to be a more or less equal exchange of attraction, interest, openness, and so on.

That's exactly the dilemma. It was exactly that, or so I thought when he volunteered to invite me to his place. As far as I know, in real life, that means one enjoyed the date. So I'm left thinking he had an abrupt change of heart over the weekend, or I did something egregiously wrong that I don't know about (and he didn't make known) while I was at his place.

[Jae]

("I'm actually a psychiatrist, so it's something I do for a living"). We read others better, differently then we do ourselves, wouldn't you agree? As you said, "we let our guard down." We do and we do it often. We see something in someone that gave a signal that they are interested in knowing more about you and visa-versa. But then this happens, leaving you, us guessing, "did I really see something or what?" It sounds like you might be better served by yourself if you leave this relationship docked in port as you walk away from this ship for the last time. Or you can always go to the captain and say what you have said here, see how he responds. If there is nothing there, you'll know it. Your bags are packed already all you have to do is leave, set your sights on other travels.