Relationship Advice?

[Darius]

Forget about using alcohol. If you can't talk openly and honestly now, you never will be able to.
I understand if that you are worried about it changing your relationship but he already suspects.
For all you know he feels the same. Wouldn't it be a shame that you wasted your time being shy?
What if you never get over being shy? Remember that friendship is a foundation for a romantic relationship, which means you are already ahead of the game. Good luck

[drobs]

I'm gonna be a little blunt...

Go for it now before moving in together. You're still young but you need to learn self confidence at some point in your life. Self confidence makes $. Self confidence gets you the jock or cheerleader.

You're going to be pissed when he brings home, to your shared flat, some other self confident guy that stepped up and made a move on him.

You only have 1 life to live - live it to the fullest.
carpe diem

Let me give you a couple examples from my own life. In my 20's I'd walk into a Gay Bar find the cutest guy in the place, step up to him and start talking &/or offer to buy them a drink. Self Confidence is attractive and men are pretty easy to figure out. I usually was successful...

Example 2 from my own life. Rejection. Learn to deal with rejection.
Where I work we have a 2 drink limit that applies to everyone on the military base. I'm a civilian but the rules still apply to us. The military enforces it on and off.

One night we figured they were enforcing the 2 drink limit. I asked my drinking buddy "How do you deal with rejection?" He's like - "not so well, I'd rather not even try than be rejected." I said fuck it - I'll deal with rejection.

Yep no 3rd drink for me - rejected by the senior enlisted guy working the bar. I might have been briefly embarrassed getting rejected for a 3rd drink in front of a line of 30 or more people but fuck it. Deal with it move on.

Last point... how did I learn self confidence? By getting rejected, ignoring the embarrassment, and moving on / forward. You win some you lose some but you have to act.

[drobs]

One more minor point. Let's say he flat out rejects you. Wants to stay friends but not in a dating relationship with you.

Can you stay friends with him? Can you continue on with your friendship?
I think you can.

That's part of that dealing with rejection thing.

Couple more points of cliches on Self Confidence.
Self Confidence gets you the Job Offer, Pay Raise, or Promotion. Self Confidence gets you the Husband / Wife or just a new friend.

That's been my experience.

[princealbertofb]

He asked you something that was awkward for both of you. Why don't you return the favor and ask him something equally awkward, something like "what if I had told you I was interested in you? How would you deal with it?"
It doesn't sound like you are in danger of being rejected. At the very least, he is your good buddy.
He cares for you, maybe even feels the same a you. You won't know until you are honest with him.

The other option is next time you are cuddling each other, slide your hands down his pants. If his cock is rock hard, he's yours. LOL

Now, there's a solution. :biggrin: !

[kidchameleon]

Now, there's a solution. :biggrin: !

It would certainly get rid of the ambiguity

[kai35]

The problem is that I've been slowly, and steadily, falling for him. This came to a head a month or two ago when he texted me this;
"I don't know if it's me being conceited or immature or anything, and I'm awkward as hell asking. But we're just friends, right? If you had any legitimate romantic feelings toward me it'd be good to know. Sorry to have this conversation, but I won't be entirely comfortable until I've cleared up the ambiguity"
The message really came out of the blue for me, so I kind of freaked out. It reads more as concern than curiosity to me, so my response was to just say "Just friends as far as I know. Sorry if I've been giving awkward vibes".
His response then was "Nah, just making sure I know where we stand, so I know how to interpret you. Having that possibility in the back of my mind makes some things you say feel ambiguous"

Without knowing his age and maturity level, this could be interpreted in a number of ways. On the one hand, he may be equally apprehensive about disclosing his feelings/sexuality to you and would want to know where you stand. Your response could have been taken as a rejection of sorts, or may have de-affirmed his premonitions that you are attracted to him. He may be trying to get you to break the ice.

On the other hand, he may legitimately feel awkward about it and is trying to clear the air. It's impossible to know from where I stand.

The problem is that recently we've been drinking together a lot (by which I mean three times in the past two weeks) and during those times we've gotten a tad closer. The first time we got drunk together ended with us literally holding each other and whispering in each others ears until 6am, and the second time we played an extended game of "20" questions that seemed very much like he was leading it into talking about relationship stuff; asking what my favorite date would be, etc. He also spent a period of time lying with his head on my lap and I nearly died.

It would be very unusual for a guy to do this with someone he felt awkward around. I wouldn't even do this with another gay guy who I wasn't into, much less if I were straight and was weirded out by a guy. In other words, he's apparently not as weirded out as he's making it seem when he's sober and texting you. There's a comfort level. If he was scared of the idea that you might be attracted to him, he wouldn't put himself in this kind of situation or do these kinds of things.

That being said, some guys do enjoy cuddling with other people - male or female - and it doesn't mean they're gay.

The issue here is that I don't know whether there's any reason to bring my feelings up, considering that while I feel like something is there there's every chance he feels he made his lack of interest plain, and I'm also not sure if it's even fair to bring it up considering we're going to be moving in together - I feel like, especially if he doesn't feel the same way, it would be incredibly selfish to tell him how much I care about him, or even just ask him out, when the result of him just affirming his lack of interest would be an awkward year of living together where our friendship could be ruined...

I think you need to just come out to him. I would avoid telling him that you have feelings for him. But if you come out to him, it would be easier for him to be honest with any feelings he has for you should they exist. If he knows your gay and he still does this kind of cuddly stuff with you, then I would say he's probably interested. If he suddenly stops, then he probably is either uninterested or is straight... but at least you won't lose a friend by overwhelming him with your feelings for him. I don't know the guy, so I don't know if he would be overwhelmed. But coming out and confessing your feelings for someone at the same time can be a bit overwhelming.

Best of luck to you.