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07-01-2017, 11:09 PM

I would like to be a less reserved person and be more open.

What things can I do to accomplish such?

07-01-2017, 11:43 PM

Depends on what you define as "less reserved" and "more open".

I did drugs and alcohol which loosened me up and made me the life of the party... well until the party favors ran out then so did my friends. But that's ok, once I got more booze and drugs they returned.

Ask yourself what qualities you think these things are, then emulate them, mimic them.

It's a fake it to you make it situation. There are no short cuts or magic bullets. There is alcohol, and plenty of drugs out there that can break through those walls. But those tend to lead to other issues.

07-01-2017, 11:48 PM

Well I mean from a social standpoint, being able to socialize (talk) more with people instead of just keeping to myself.

07-02-2017, 12:00 AM

a4b2c Wrote:Well I mean from a social standpoint, being able to socialize (talk) more with people instead of just keeping to myself.

Well this seems way to convoluted and obtuse.

I would suggest that you start talking more... Maybe... IDK, isn't that what these social butterflies do?

Personally IDK, I like supporting the wall with my back. Its all part of my PTSD and Autism Spectrum thingy that kicks in.

07-02-2017, 05:54 AM

You need to look into the reasons -why- you are so closed off to others.

Once you know the reasons you keep yourself apart, you then start working on them.

MikeW · 07-02-2017, 06:14 AM

a4b2c Wrote:I would like to be a less reserved person and be more open.

What things can I do to accomplish such?

Start by intentionally striking up conversations with total, random strangers. Keep it simple: Compliment some woman on her dress; say "how about them __________? They were shoure (on or off) last night, weren't they?" << fill in the blank of the local sports team. These mini-convos should NOT be about anything serious. Ask for directions. As what time it is.

I used to be so shy you had to pull words out of me. Now you have to tell me to STFU! I *do* talk with total strangers... especially people in the service industry I interact with (buying coffee, for example). I always say 'please' and 'thank you'. 'Have a good day...' etc. Or I just start talking about the first thing that pops into my head. Yeah, sure, some people may think I'm a total nut case but THE TRUTH IS... most people do NOT think about US at all. They may have a momentary and judgemental (favorable or not) impression of us... but as soon as we're out of sight? We're out of mind.

That said, totally on the other hand, the more you "open up" and "engage" (rather superficially at first) with people, the more LIKELY they are to remember you, and with fondness. Since I often buy my morning coffee at the same time of day and the same coffee shop near work, I've actually gotten to know some of the people behind the counter. We may or may not be on a first-name basis (some yes, some no)... BUT I'm NOT a stranger. We often engage in short conversations while I wait for my coffee.

Just do it.

LOL... last night... this is so weird but true... I was feeling lonely. I had Grindr launched on my phone. I was bored and just looking around. About 300 feet from me there is an 18yo college student. I messaged him saying, "Hey, are you having another chat with someone? If not, would you mind just chatting with me for a bit. I'm just feeling lonely." Well, he replied, "Why does our chat need to be exclusive." My reply: "Oh, no, that's not what I meant. I just didn't want to distract you if you were already chatting with someone else..." So.. we just chatted for about 10 to 15 minutes about nothing much of any importance. Earlier this evening I sent him another message: "I don't want to bother you but I do want to express my gratitude for your company last night. I know it was a bit awkward but it was sweet of you to engage with me at all. So thanks for that! If you ever feel the need to talk (just talk) about stuff with an older gay man with a lot of life experience under his belt, I'd be happy to return the favor." He didn't reply right away but he DID reply with a "Thank you" and smiley face. Smile

That's really all it takes. Just be NICE to people!

It makes you and everyone feel good Wink

artyboy · 07-02-2017, 05:57 PM

No idea mate, but I find reserved guys hot.

07-02-2017, 10:26 PM

learn to fake it - when people talk look like your interested and maybe try to respond , ive learned this works great for strangers - my friends and family can see im faking it though but they congratulate me for trying later
im not good at one on ones as i dont know what to reply with but in groups you can take the lead off others

Genersis · 07-03-2017, 04:26 PM

Bowyn's "fake it till you make it" advice is pretty good.

I'm a lot more comfortable with my life now than where I was just a year ago, and a lot of the changes I made, though I knew I wanted to do make them, I didn't enjoy initially and felt too depressed to bother doing.
But eventually, I managed to push though those negative feelings.

While I still don't socialise well, I've dropped myself into enough social situations that I'm at least confident I can survive them with minimal awkward moments.
Admittedly, I still can't approach complete strangers in casual situations, but I've found ways to avoid needing to do so(like online dating).

I've always considered friendly chats with strangers to make the world a better place. As such I am only slightly envious of MikeW. :tongue:

07-03-2017, 05:02 PM

MikeW Wrote:LOL... last night... this is so weird but true... I was feeling lonely. I had Grindr launched on my phone. I was bored and just looking around. About 300 feet from me there is an 18yo college student. I messaged him saying,....

He was 300 feet away and your couldn't walk up to him and chat?

Sheesh... this is what is really wrong with the world... too much screen time, not enough face time.