Shocking.

[Aaeronis]

Hey guys, i'm rather new here as you can tell ^_^ (Fresh meat!!!)

Anyway on to my dilema, there are alot of things i wish to rant and rave about but mostly my orientation.

Up untill a few weeks ago, my 18'th birthday bash i've allways been under the belief that i'm a healthy straight teen, oh yeah wrong...

My best friend, a guy, came on to me, and it shocked me at how at ease i felt and how much i liked it, i mean i never really experimented when i was in my younger teens, i allways brushed it off thought i was straight and that's that, a whole load of confusion now though.

My thoughts are in a malestrom at the moment trying to figure out if i'm actually inclined that way or not, how on earth do you just figure out that your either gay or bi??

Some people i hear just know it, some people like me it sorta creeps up and shocks you, it's really quite terrifying, and now i'm just completely rambling (BACK TO SUBJECT!)

How on earth do i face my best friend who i now know he obviously has feelings for me, without being uncomfortable, really thinking about it i want to give it a shot, but what if it doesn't work out and i end up completely hurting him, i'm not that kind of person, i don't like leading people on and then just completely loosing interest, it's happened to me before and i hated it, it hurt...

Just verry confused at the moment, i'm out of steam too so i'll not be writing any more, any advice that ANYONE can give is welcome

Thanks

[princealbertofb]

Hello Aaeronis and to GaySpeak.

Your questions are valid, but they also go with the rather new territory that you are now stepping into. You don't mention whether you have had a relationship or something going on with girls yet, and so your supposed straightness could be just something that you'd conceived in your mind but not actually consummated.

It sounds like you are in a period of experimentation, and so, of course it would come to you as a shock to feel at ease with another man (boy) if you had imagined yourself with a woman (girl). How did all this happen? Were you drunk or tipsy? Were you just horny?

What most of the elder ones would probably say is that you don't need to label yourself as bi, or gay or anything at all for the moment; you would want things to settle a bit and see how comfortable you are with the whole situation.
Is your friend going to be having more feelings for you, and more of a relationship out of you? Are you embarrassed by the whole situation and will you refuse to have a second go? Would you like this budding relationship to go further?

Whatever happens, it seems that it would be a good idea to have a discussion with said (boy)friend. I would say that the concerns you mention in the last but one paragraph are the concerns you should voice to him.

Good luck with the undertaking.

PA

[fredv3b]

How on earth do i face my best friend who i now know he obviously has feelings for me, without being uncomfortable, really thinking about it i want to give it a shot, but what if it doesn't work out and i end up completely hurting him, i'm not that kind of person, i don't like leading people on and then just completely loosing interest, it's happened to me before and i hated it, it hurt...

Do you think he might understand if you were simply honest with him? Explain that your confused about your feelings, your not sure what you want, you might want to try giving him and you a shot, but that it may well not work out and he shouldn't get his hopes up. At the end of the day he will have had to deal with difficult internal conflicts regarding his sexuality too (or maybe still does) so he may be able to understand how you feel at the moment.

[marshlander]

I think I'm a little envious of those people who "just know" from a very early age. It wasn't like that for me. I knew I was interested in other boys/men, but I expected to grow out of it. I was in my late thirties before I allowed myself to face the fact that I was probably never going to grow out of wanting to be with a man more than a woman and that was when I had to deal with the maelstrom you mention. It was terrifying for me too. By that time I had made a lot of decisions and had a lot of commitments to unravel, the repercussions of which are still ongoing unfortunately.

If you have the sort of friendship where you can talk, do it. If he has feelings for you he will want to support you as you work out what is going on. It's only by not saying anything that you might be accused of leading him on. Anyone entering a relationship is taking a gamble. There's no guarantee that any of us will last. You might want to weigh up a couple of things: is it a risk you are willing to take? and would you be able to look back afterwards and say "it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?".

Good luck.

[princealbertofb]

After discussion with Aeronis, he seems to know what he wants, and things have been discussed with his friend. So far so good. I'll leave him to tell the story, if he wishes. I hope the counselling was effective. mile: