Anxiety & Depression During This Pandemic

[Emiliano]

Its definitely stressful and scary, yeah. I'm grateful that my family and I are healthy and safe and that I have job security. But I'm really paranoid about leaving my apartment, like really I only go outside when I absolutely need to. This is affecting my stress and anxiety levels for sure, and bringing up some emotions I haven't felt since 9/11.

The human toll is obviously the most tragic part of all of this, but I can't help to mourn for the city, the effect this has and is going to have for a while. Seeing the images of the empty streets. I fucking hate Times Square... but even seeing it empty like that.. it's sad. The subway has always been my favorite thing since I was a little kid and I was thinking the other day that its going to take a very long time before I think I'll be comfortable in it again.

I could get all philosophical and deep about mourning loss of movement, transportation, and the emptiness of streets and spaces that were once crowded. The loss of an energy, a vibe, a feel. But I don't want to take away from people who mourning the loss of jobs or health, or lives.

But I will say, I think people in general are resilient. And this is eventually going to be another thing that knocked us on our feet, but that we'll come back from stronger, and with a deeper sense of gratitude for the little and big things in our lives that we took for granted before all this went down.

[Pix]

Mainly boredom from me. I'm even thinking of trying out some video games like Call of Duty V that I've been resisting that a couple of teen boys have been pressuring me to try.

I'm worried about my mom (especially after all the work and huge amount of money I spent just over a year ago saving her from pneumonia that had her on life support for about a week), but she's probably less worried about than I am (being asocial in the sticks probably helps).

My partner works from home. She seems to handle it okay, saying there are parts she hates, and yet parts she'll miss when it goes back to normal.

I have a friend with crippling depression, as in me and someone else have been making preparations for years when she finally collapses, has to be hospitalized, or whatever (including where she can crash, and we're tossing around the idea of building her a cob home to retire to, the hardest part is finding a spot where that's feasible and still affordable), and even documenting it as best we can as we think she should be on disability (the fact that she keeps her job is amazing, though it's one that negligence could potentially cause A LOT of damage she'd be liable for so we worry about that as well, and frankly, I think she's just kept on for convenience, at least until they notice what we have). Strangely, she says she doesn't feel so alone now that others are freaking out. She says she's been struggling with these feelings for years, and so for the first time she feels like she's ahead of the curve (even if she's an alcoholic, another problem, and she's VERY stocked up and swears to open another bottle every time we ask her about that part of her life). So she's doing well.

But I smell a lot more pot smoke and hear a lot more drunks, more than the holidays. Many aren't handling it well. Some people who normally had better sense are even starting to subscribe to some bizarre conspiracy theories.

I think they're more scared than anything, scared of both the disease, and that even though we get pandemics like this about every century (some far worse than this with less infrastructure and medical advances where lock downs like this did happen, all without phones and computers--though granted, to those used to only dealing with first world problems, the strain on the infrastructure may seem much worse than it is), that life can never return to normal. I'm distancing myself from one I do biz with as she has crossed a line (don't feel like talking about it), and already have two to replace her with, though only time will tell if one or both are honorable rather than planning on ripping me off to jump start their reopenings.

Oh! My partner and I are thinking of the cancelled celebrations, and how they'll inevitably be MUCH bigger once this is over. For example, either in the coming year or the year after, St. Patrick's Day will be celebrated with an intensity not seen in living memory, and my partner and I are even thinking of visiting Ireland to experience it! (I want to visit Scotland myself for my own reasons, and those two trips can easily be combined into one.)

[InbetweenDreams]

@"Pix" the conspiracy theories are ripe over here. Someone just got on my last nerve about "chem trails" and despite trying to explain what contrails are and why chem trails are silly and so on they just ignored all the science. It is infuriating to see people dismiss scientific fact, especially things that can be debunked with high school algebra.

But yes, people are itching to get out and I can't blame people but the toxicity is what bothers me. We have a lot of camp grounds in our area which have opened up. They're almost at capacity, in fact I'd say there are more people out camping than what I had seen last year on the 4th of July. I get it, it's the right time of year for it. However, the clientele seems to be more of the "MAGA" and coronavirus is fake news type given the people I seen today. So yes, I do think once things get closer to something resembling normal I do think we'll see people participating in more "activities" which is generally a good thing. I think we take for granted in doing things, whether is visiting family, holiday, doing a 5k, etc. Like, I have a niece who will be 2 this September and I really want to go see her but I can't. My brother in law has cancer and it could be a problem in the event that I were to carry or somehow spread it to him.

There's a lot to feel bad about with all of this and I see both sides of things. For instance, I do amateur radio, and we have weekly nets. One of the guys is 86 years old and is in an assisted living facility and he hasn't (up until last week) been able to leave (get on a bus) since I think March. You can tell in his voice over the air that he is painfully lonely especially so as he explained how one of his friends wasn't doing well and not expected to make it. Just hope this stuff ends soon, but seeing the numbers everyday suggest it probably won't.

But yes, people are scared and I'd say that's a good theory as to why people are reacting in that way, perhaps it explains a lot about how people are reacting to the pandemic.

Ireland would be an awesome place to visit and hope you and your partner get to go!

[eastofeden]

I have been seriously depressed since January 20, 2017 and had to get some counseling for it finally a year ago so I have a different outlook now and I have some new coping skills so in a weird way I was "prepared" for this pandemic as I think I have been living in one giant pandemic since the above date.

[InbetweenDreams]

@eastofeden That's very good to hear that counseling helped. I have been all over the place with depression and anxiety...anxiety was the more recent battle for me. I mean it's still alive and well but I'm not longer having panic attacks or random bouts of crying like I did in 2014. That was a down right shitty year for me. I finally found a good therapist and I do feel that it helped me. Unfortunately between bills piling up and the therapist moving away from the area I stopped going. It's also been a few years since then.

In a lot of ways I feel like I have been "isolated" from the pandemic. It hasn't really happened here. We have had a dozen or so cases in the county I'm in and I think that is giving a lot of people a false sense of reality that it isn't something serious, or could become a serious problem here. I mean it would be nice if the hot summer weather killed off the virus but I just don't see that happening as it would have slowed down dramatically in Florida or in other places where it is hot. Anyway, I'm not meaning to ramble. Sometimes I almost write verbatim what is going through my head. It also doesn't help when you can almost keep up typing it out too lol

Anyway, keep your spirits up....that can be alcohol too lol

[eastofeden]

@InbetweenDreams - Keep searching for the right therapist - makes all the difference I found over the years. Panic attacks are the worst - used to have them in my 20s and when I finally understood why and came to terms with the circumstances they subsided but I can still vividly recount them.

I have decided I am only listening to the health professional on the virus - and only the politicians who also listen to the health professionals whatever side of the aisle they are on - I don't care. I don't see it as a political issue. I live in Santa Clara County which got some of the first cases so we learned about it pretty fast. Most everyone wears a mask in the stores and there is the six feet thing so I am good with both of those in place.

I got depressed thinking about the present and maybe future situation and possible scenarios - not sure there is anything I can do about it though except to participate in the process and then try not to think about it though my therapist is close by if I need it.

Message boards are a good place to vent and talk and I will be happy to talk to you if you ever need someone to listen

PS - I ramble all the time.