Mental Health resources for adults

[Cowboy]

I had a telephone meeting today, with a mental health professional from my county office. They will be doing that once a week with me until they can open back up full time and offer full time in person services and group meetings.

I havent taken and drugs since the first night I posted this. Its only been ten days but it seems like I have been sober for a month. I dont know if thats good or bad.

The guy I was dating for a few months, told me today that he doesnt want to see me anymore. two weeks ago, I told him about my mental health problems and my history of abuse and manipulation with guys, and I could tell that it made him nervous and uncomfortable. I fully 100% understand his decision, respect. and support him, I probably wouldnt want to see a person like me either.

He was one of the motivators I was using to get better, so that sucks. One of my other motivators was a scene from Game of Thrones when Ian McShanes character says its never too late to stop hurting people and its never too late to come back. Its silly to be inspired by a tv show, but it really inspired me. I have spent from my mid teens until this year hurting people and I like to think that even I can redeem myself.

[LONDONER]

More or less following the same theme, can I just draw attention to a recent thread I started:

https://gayspeak.com/Thread-The-value-of...#pid704764

[ChadCoxRox]

I had a telephone meeting today, with a mental health professional from my county office. ...even I can redeem myself.

No you're hitting at the core of the truth. You can choose and you can persevere.  I am very encouraged to read this and hope you will hang in with this very difficult decision you've made. You are on course for being the kind of man, coming from a genuine place, that is capable of giving and receiving genuine, intimate love. I am sending you a really tight squeeze dude.

[Cowboy]

Listen I have to be honest I'm high again right now, I've used again. I just wanted to lay that out with you all. I had some back pain.

I had another telephone meeting with my counselor today and we talked about support systems. I dont really have friends at all or family contact, so I'm kind of fucked on that part. Maybe when they resume normal services I will meet a friend in one of the groups.

Thank you ChadCoxRox you're so kind but I don't really feel I deserve any love. If you knew how I enjoyed mentally hurting vulnerable gay men, and in my teens physically beating up the gay kids in my school you'd agree. I think maybe a life of celibacy and non-intimacy might be the safer option. I used to make them trust me and then I utterly destroyed them, I was dangerous and sick. I've been growing hot peppers and thats been occupying my free time. I think maybe instead of human relationships I should try creative pursuits.

I also think I should apologize to @"deephiance" I trolled him very hard 3 years ago and thoroughly enjoyed the pain I caused so I feel I should get right with him.

Whether you want to forgive me or not. No hard feelings. I'm sorry Darren.