Off The Cuff - Chuck's Poems

[CellarDweller]

Hello!

I've written poems over the years, and realized that I've never shared any of them here, so I've decided to change that.

I'll be using this thread to post some of what I've done.  The thread title,  "Off the Cuff", refers to an activity I used to do with my poetry.  Friends would issue me a "challenge" to write a poem on a theme they've suggested,  and within 20 minutes I would reply with a poem based on that theme.

Most of my stuff tends to be "rhymey" or "sing-song" style.  If I try to write something that doesn't rhyme, I find I have to focus more on it to make it convey the message I want.

Feel free to comment on any of the poems here,  just keep in mind that I'm not claiming to be great at it.



Also, keep in mind that a large number of these poems are old, some perhaps about 12 years old, so I am not in that head space any more.  So if I post something and your initial response is "oh, I hope he's OK!" just bear in mind that these post were originally written years ago.


now, onto the first poem.


In the Shadows

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In the shadows is where I stand
As I hold my heart in hand
Wishing you would come to see
That what you want is here with me

I make you laugh, I make you smile
We talk for hours, we walk for miles
You tell me dreams, you tell me plans
But what I want is to be your man

Good times for us would never end
But when you see me, you see "friend"
For you, I feel there is no other
But you say I'm like a brother

So I hold back how I feel
not being 100% real
'Cause I'd rather have you as a friend
Than scare you off in the end

Some days it's fine, don't really care
That it's just friendship we share
And other days, well, let's just say
I wish you'd come around to stay.

In the shadows is where I stand
As I hold my heart in hand
I sense you are a special guy
But waiting for you makes my heart cry

[Cridders88]

Unrequited love, something that most of us have probably experienced at some point. You write well, looking forward to seeing some more

[CellarDweller]

Thanks Crid, glad you liked it.


The Empty Frame

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I wake up, and turn off the alarm
look at the pictures in my room
all the friends that are around me
and the empty frame
waiting to be filled

I drive to work, and look to my right
at the empty passenger seat of my car
wishing there was an indentation in it
from where someone was sitting

I walk through my day at work
processing paperwork
while the woman at the desk next to me
is making dinner plans with her husband
and I have to go to other people's desks
and see pics of wives and husbands

I go to the park for my jog
and work up a sweat
as I watch couples hand in hand
taking in the sunset
while I run by unnoticed

My family is away, so I make myself dinner
for one
and listen to mindless chatter on tv
no messages from friends on my machine
they are all busy
with their husbands or wives

I sign onto my personal ads online
and go through the replies
another rejection....oh well
there's always tomorrow

Getting into the bed
sliding between cold sheets
even a single bed can feel like a king size
when you are alone in it
set the alarm and look at the empty frame
wondering when I'll have a pic
to put in it.

[Pyromancer]

I'm enjoying reading your poems, and I hope that you post more.

I'm a traditionalist, one of the 'old school' who prefer rhymed poetry.  I'm not too comfortable with free verse...although The Empty Frame is very well structured.

I think I enjoyed reading In The Shadows  a little more I like the rhyme scheme, and you did a great job with rhyming, which is a hell of a lot harder than people think.  You also seem to have an instinctive ear for cadence and meter.  You express the emotion, the feeling of the poem, well...and it's not in the least "sing-songy"...it has a nice flow.

I don't mean to come off sounding like your old high school English teacher...it's just that I love poetry and have a real appreciation for poems that tell their story and convey emotion but are also well-written.

[CellarDweller]

Hello @"Pyromancer" ! Thanks so much for the feedback, and I don't think you are sounding like an English teacher.

I'm very open to any review/critique, and I'm hoping that posting here will spur me on to starting some new works.

Since you liked The Shadows, here is a sequal that I wrote about a year or 18 months after that poem.


The Crush

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It seems the crush I had on you
Has finally reached an end
For me to say feelings go on
Would only be pretend

It was a crazy time for me
To that, I will not lie
I used to wonder “why not me?”
Stay up at night and cry

You had no idea I felt this way
I never let it show
I kept the feelings to myself
So that you wouldn’t know

I’ve opened up my eyes, quite wide
And finally see the light
And realize now that us as a couple
would not have worked out right

I used to pray at end of day
you’d let some feelings show
I see that God answered those prayers
But what He said was “No”.

But that’s ok, 'cause I’m not “crushed”
Though some might think I’ll be
We’re just very different people
I’ve finally come to see

I hope the man you’ve fallen for
Loves you until “the end”
you’ll always have a place in my heart
Because I call you friend.

[Pyromancer]

It's really interesting to see how your skills have evolved in the year or so between these 2 poems.  You've refined the structure of the second poem, I noticed that you used an 8/6 syllable count...first line of each stanza has 8 syllables, the second line has 6, and that's repeated throughout...which gives it a really good flow.  I also noticed that your meter is much tighter...example - It seems the crush I had on you ...

I don't mean to detract from the story by fussing over details...you expressed your feelings really well.  I think presenting the 2 poems together might help give some people a little perspective on their own lives...there IS life after a crush.

I'm glad you decided to start posting your work and I look forward to reading more.

[CellarDweller]

Night visitor

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Your face above mine
as we lay in the bed
Your eyes convey messages
that for now are unsaid
you move closer and I feel
your weight on my chest
whiskers tickling my neck
this feeling's the best
your hands on my shoulders
and then they're on the move
you're a man on a mission
with something to prove
I can smell your musk
your scent makes me high
Your lips on my lips
your hands on my thigh
and then they move over
and I feel your grip
Your motions are sure
and I bite my lip
I feel like I'm going
into overload
and then, next to us
a sound does explode
I sit up in bed
to see you are not here
and the sound of the dj
is filling my ear.


That #$&%^' alarm clock!

[Cridders88]

I did not see that coming!! That damn alarm clock indeed

[Pyromancer]

I like this...clever twist at the end and good descriptive writing.  But damn, why don't I have dreams like this?  It would be a lot more enjoyable than dreaming about getting lost while driving, which is my usual night time 'entertainment'.

[CellarDweller]

Thanks for the comments, everyone!

Wrote this one after a walk in the park, and saw two older gents sitting on a park bench together. They were sitting on opposite ends of the bench, with two bags of bread slices.


And Feed The Birds

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What day is it today
I wonder
As I sit with my friend
And feed the birds

I look at my clothes
And laugh to myself
All dressed up, Sunday best
And no place to go

Every day we come
My friend and I
And sit at this bench
And feed the birds

Living life at a snail’s pace
And no desire to change it
Truth be told
No desire for much of anything

Polite conversation
And some drags on our cigars
As we share some laughs
And feed the birds

Missing our wives
Who have gone on to God
And left us alone
All we have is each other

So we keep each other company
And lean on each other
Together killing time
And we feed the birds