Off The Cuff - Chuck's Poems

[CellarDweller]

Moving On

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All my life you bought me hell
but now I've grown and wish you well

All my life you made me cry
but now I look up to the sky

All my life you made me doubt
but now I've got it figured out

All my life you gave me pain
but now I've made it through the rain

I took your blows,
I took your strife
as you tried to ruin my life

Now look at me,
somebody new
who's no longer abused by you

I've succeed in many ways
that you will never see

'cause I'm surrounded now by friends
who taught me to love me for me

All my life you gave me fears
beat me down and gave me tears

I'm glad you're not around to see
the person I've turned out to be

Through the sadness I have sailed
all of your attempts have failed

Now I turn, and I move on
and from my memories, you're gone

[Pyromancer]

This poem hit me on a deep, gut-wrenching level.  I wanted to print it out and send it to my father (he's in prison in Alabama) but why bother.  He wouldn't get it.

Thanks for posting this, I'm sure I'm not the only one who can relate.

[CellarDweller]

Worth

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Making myself someone new
and now I know just what to do
tired of feeling lost and hollow
change the outside, inside will follow

starting to work on myself
change my physical and mental health
build up energy for the fight
see myself in a new light

I see success, It makes me high
but now I question myself why
why did I wait so damn long
to bring myself where I belong

I spent my life walking around
letting others put me down
let them have their way with me
to the point I could not see

Just how special that I am
Now I know "It's time, to jam"
gonna let myself have fun
spend my time out in the sun

Learn from the old me, it's his time to go
never let anyone hurt you so
look back on your life, from birth
realize just how much you're worth

[CellarDweller]

Here are two poems that are two years apart.

I posted the first one, and then two years after the fact, someone asked me to revisit it, so I did.


Wasting Time

_______________________

Sitting alone by the computer
as the clock ticks by the minutes
I am being kept company
by the refridgerator
as it's moter drones on and on
and I wonder
how much of my life I've wasted
trying to be what others wanted
and not doing what I needed to
to make myself happy

thinking back to childhood memories
of playing house and being a dad
with my friend across the street
imagining what it would be like
to be an adult
Never realizing that
I'd reach 37
and still feel like I don't know
what it should feel like
to be an adult

Sitting here thinking
that I've made so many strides forward
in the past 8 years
but even though I was moving forward
wondering if I haven't moved fast enough
and that I have lost the chance
to find love
and to be a father

The clock ticks, and I realize it's past 1
and I'm sitting here
wondering if writing things down
will help me move on the path faster
or if I'm still wasting time




Wasting Time- Chapter 2

_______________________

Sitting alone by the computer
as the clock ticks by the minutes
I am being kept company
by the hum of the modem
and the occasional "beep" of my YIM system
while I carry on conversation
and put my thoughts onto my blog

So much has changed since "chapter 1"
and it can be surprising
how what was so important to you before
can seem so insingificant now
and make you question
your thought processes and priorities

I find my feelings of fatherhood to have disappeared
and the appeal of travel taking importance
seeing the world instead of
setting up home
and wanting the freedom to go as I please
without having to worry about the care of a young one

I know I have not missed out on love
had it in my life before
much to my surprise
and I know i will have it again
it will be mine, and I'll hold it with both hands
tight enough not to lose it
but gentle enough not to bruise it.

My writing is taking shape and form
but I still question if it is ready to be seen
and if there is an audience for it
and if I have the talent to put it out there
and the strength to face the rejection that will come
wondering if I should've started this much earlier
instead of at almost 40.

I've accomplished much in the past 2 years
more than I thought was possible
but I feel that a part of me
will never be satisfied with that
and always convinced that
I waste too much time

[CellarDweller]

The Sneak


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yesterday you first came around
often appearing and making much sound
unfamiliar face in a big crowd
creating mystique when speaking out loud
another new friend, so it seemed at first
now I see you are acting your worst
trying to comment, and push me away
save your strength, honey, those are games I don't play
creating some drama by moving your mouth
apparently thinking you'll make me run south
rotten to the core is how I see you
every day I see it, it shows more, through and through
mighty do fall, it's a lesson to learn
every person who's sneaky will soon feel the burn
fill up your gun, and your ammo you'll spend
run from you I won't do, I'm here to the end
over and over you'll try to smear me
maybe one day, you'll wake up and see
bitch, i'm too strong, so play if you must
my friends know who I am, and it's me that they trust

[CellarDweller]

the Undone Puzzle

_____________________________________

Sitting here, thinking that life makes no sense
It’s all jumbled, like the letters on the keyboard
That is in front of me, at work
All out of sequence, and meaning nothing
I type, and force them to fit, to make sense
Put them into sequence, and into form
So why is it I can figure out this “puzzle”
But my life feels like a jigsaw
That has been carelessly poured out of its box
Into a pile on the floor
And then left there, a mess to be figured out later
Because it is too hard to make sense out of right now

What does not kill you makes you stronger
I believe that
But strength has limits
And I’m getting tired of having mine tested
While I put on a happy face
So that no one will be concerned
Besides, if it’s my life, and I can’t figure it out
How can anyone else do that for me
And doesn’t that defeat the purpose of living anyway
To learn as you live
If you have someone else giving you the answers

Still sitting here, while there is a pile of work
Sitting next to me, to be processed
While I look for motivation to get it done
Instead of letting my mind wander
And go where it should not
And be where it should not
Is it “go home” time yet?
I want to walk in the park
And at least feel like I did something today
That was to my benefit
Other than just sitting here
Doing nothing
And wondering if I’m on the right path
looking at the pile
needing to get the puzzle together

[CellarDweller]

Trouble Maker

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as I sit and watch you
my mind starts to think
you once seemed so nice
but now, you stink
people I care for
are talking to me
about the trouble you've caused
that you think they don't see
I'm sure you don't know this
but my eye is on you
watching over all
that you say and you do
your purpose in life
to cause others distress
gives me the impression
that your mind is a mess
brain slightly off kilter
like an uneven table
mentally confused
and emotionally unstable
taking your spoon
and stirring the pot
better be careful
its contents are quite hot
and when your efforts backfire
we'll see if you've learned
that the ones who start trouble
are the ones who get burned
when the end does occur
and the pieces do fall
I hope you're alone
in the middle of it all
and while the rest walk away
with their heads all held high
I hope you find out
what it feels like to lie
in the bed that you made
by your own design
with intentions so cruel
all efforts to malign

[CellarDweller]

Snake In The Grass

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sitting on the computer
and look what I've found
a snake in the grass
that came back around

and then you approached me
that I could not believe
you slithered right over
thought to make me your "Eve"

toss me a line
throw me some bait
hope for a nibble
sit back and wait

well, you fooled me once
I was too dumb to see
you won't fool me twice
there'll be no "shame on me"

and you gave me your numbers
in case I want to call you
well don't hold your breath
'cause you might just turn blue

try to play your games
you will not succeed
there's a new man in my life
and he's all that I need

sure you can talk to me
go ahead, spend that dime
but don't be surprised
if I don't have the time

there's someone else for me now
and he'll always come first
he shows me the best
you show me the worst

you are here for a purpose
it's a lesson learned
you tempted, you succeeded
I let myself get burned

won't happen again
eyes wide opened now
but karma bites back hard
and you'll get yours somehow

[Emiliano]

Thank you for sharing your poetry, keep posting them.

[CellarDweller]

An Effort To Live

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Morning comes and I wake
to the rhythm of the rain
landing on the top of my cardboard box
and a shiver runs up my spine

I take the newspapers
that served as my blanket last night
and stuff them into my shoes
to keep my feet as dry as I can

I grab the plastic bag, which holds my wardrobe
and a cup, which is my bank book
and hit the streets
in an effort to live

You see a garbage can on the corner, I see a buffet
discarded soda, french fries, sandwich
barely enough to stop the growl in my stomach
but it does make it better

Walking around town, shaking my cup
being looked at by strangers
who think I'm crazy, or strung out
not realizing my life has crumbled around me

Sunset, time for bed
that dumpster is my real estate agent
and the cardboard box is my new shelter
hopefully, it won't start raining again

I find an alley and set up house
fetal position to keep myself warm
I close my eyes
and pray that tomorrow will be different