Storytime (or Why it 20 Years to Get Over Someone)

[Anonymous]

Alright everyone gather 'round. By the end of this you will be sighing or rolling your eyes.

I guess to try to frame all this correctly let's start off with that I used to live in Ohio, lived in a suburb. Wasn't popular in school and blah blah blah, spent a lot of time to myself. So we moved down south in 2000. I felt that this was sort of a fresh start for me as in maybe I would make friends. The short story, not really, but I did feel that being in a small town most kids were more welcoming, some not so much. Some kids didn't like the fact that a "yankee" moved in. Being that this was 2000, that puts me at 14 years old and never having had a girlfriend and also before I came out or really realized I was gay or whatever I am.

There was this girl whose name I will not mention that apparently had a crush on me...which was something very new to me at the time. I thought she was hot, she had red hair which was very long, blue eyes and so on. So we, in 8th grade "went out" with each other which really didn't mean anything other than we were taken and all that jazz. Of course all good things must come to an end and for reasons I don't remember I broke up with her later in the same year. Obviously the 14 year old version of myself didn't know what's best for him because honestly of all the people I have dated she's one of few who I could have had a future with. Shoulda, coulda, woulda. Ever since 8th grade I over the last 20 years been looking for an opportunity to date her again and it's not so much that I'm out of my head, she has also shown interest in me at times and then as always I find out she's not available or I'm not available.

Here's a collection of things I done in furtherance of wasting my time on her:

In my senior year of highschool being the biggest dork possible I got her a bouquet of roses. Which is embarrassing enough, but I had the office "deliver" them instead of doing it myself...which is what I should have done. So, not scoring too many points there.

I tried asking her out again about a year later when we were both in college. Turns out she was dating some ugly ass guy only a blind person would date.

Later one she adds me on Facebook and of course she's married. She later has a divorce and this guy she was married to was a psychopath and abused her. Which really hurt to know she went though all that crap and me not knowing or being there to help get her out. We haven't really been all that close but we have talked off and on and often played catch up.

So fast forward to now. I wished her a Merry Christmas. We both had snow and she was telling me about how she made snow cream and then mentions some guys name. I may be jumping to conclusions but pretty sure this guy is going to be more than friends.

So, you're probably wondering hey I thought you were gay?! You can't date women and so on. Here's the thing, I'm probably more bi-sexual than anything else. I have just dated mostly guys in my adult life and as time goes on the prospects of dating women are diminished when they're single and have kids. Not that there's anything wrong with kids or the idea of raising kids that are not mine but thinking about the trauma and damage that comes with a shitty marriage might not work well with me. I have stated elsewhere on GS that I do want kids at some point. I am fine with the idea of adopting or having my own. I just simply haven't had much luck with LTR's and a good portion has been my fault. I mean if I were to look at where I am at in life, yeah it is a far fetched idea that someone would be like yeah, you're totally ready to settle down and have kids.

But besides all that, I just wonder to myself why I have wasted so much time hoping that one day would come along that I would finally date this girl and somehow magically it would all work out. Perhaps I watched one too many Disney movies growing up. At any rate, I think I have finally woke up and can move on from it. And, if you're a teenager reading this, a word of advice, want to buy the girl or guy flowers or whatever at school, that's fine, deliver them yourself. Don't let fear of being rejected rule over you. Probably one of the best lessons you can teach your kids about dating is about how to deal with being kicked to the curb. That is probably the biggest thing that has kept me from feeling secure about myself, loving myself is simply feeling that there's something wrong with me. Yes, Oh yes, I have my share of problems and plenty of reasons someone might have to not want to date me or whatever. I had wished that the day would come and like in a fairy tale things would work out, but that's the biggest lie, life just doesn't work like that.

Truth is I have been doing this dating stuff wrong anyway and just keeps leading me in circles. Between being crushed, depressed, self loathing and so on I simply never looked at how I go about doing things. I feel especially bad for the poor guy I tried to date about 4 years ago now. Very handsome, nice personality. I went all lovey dovey on him and to make matters worse there was another guy who was pining for him as well.

I guess one of these days I'll get it right. Preferably sooner than later. If I do have kids I would rather not be in the geriatric stage of my life when they graduate high school.

I recently opened up my dating profile to women just to see what was out there. About 80% of the women on there are single moms. Again, nothing wrong with kids but single moms do bring extra warnings and someone who, like me, is inexperienced in dating probably shouldn't be your first choice. But what do I know. There is a couple YouTube channels that popped up on my feed, one called EntrepreneursAndCars who talks about guys dating women and how to be successful at it and there's a lot of stuff about single mom's and so on. Not sure I agree with everything he has to say but I think a lot of it is sound advice but like I always do go with your gut instinct on these things. If there's anything true it is that men and women want different things. Not going to post any of that guys video here, mainly because I don't know enough about him or his content on what he truly represents, he has a bit of a Jordan Peterson feel to him so I feel like some of his views and advice for guys is not complete or correct in some instances and being that I have dated exclusively guys in the last 15 or so years what do I really know about women and dating them, right? So I took it as a grain of salt watching his stuff and so should you, so I'll let you guys check that out at your discretion.

Anyway I'm mostly just bitching.