Breaking up with my BF

[Rod]

You guys, I've been in a relationship for 6 months and its taking a turn. I've never had to break up with anyone like this. He's a really sweet guy but his mind is off on getting married and getting a house and sex and it's become so much for me. 

Every time I'm with him i get anxiety and overwhelmed vs the peace that i'm supposed to have. Like i was originally not dating ANYONE and i only started dating him because he got me this cute crown.

Now i'm kind of in this one sided relationship because hes going off into dream land about the future and i'm like, "How can i even give you more of ME if I haven't even defined ME".He's a really good person but as a boyfriend he's put a LOT of pressure on me. At this point of my life I just want to focus on myself, my success, and my endeavors. I really don't have time to even date men. Everyday i feel like i'm neglecting him and whatnot and I feel like a bad boyfriend but am i wrong? i mean he's talking about marriage and moving in together after 6 months of barely dating? IS THAT NORMAL?

[Bhp91126]

Seems like this relationship is not working for you and that you’d be happier being single right now. You didn’t mention anything about any kind of attachment you’re feeling, so, the sooner and directer you pull the plug, the better for both of you.

Take the blame and tell him that
you’d rather be single,
are not in the right headspace to be in a relationship
and that you can’t stand the pressure he’s putting on you.

This will hurt him a lot however you do the breakup and there is no way to make it easier for him. Just tear off the bandaid and you both will be better sooner.

[InbetweenDreams]

I think a lot of guys get hung up on being able to settle down and all that jazz...it's a nice thought to find someone you really click with. Have you brought any of this up that all that is just not what you're wanting to focus on right now? Or have you avoided subject?

[seeking]

It seems to me that you have already told him how you feel. And how did he respond ?

If not, then just tell him you are not thinking about marriage at this moment and you won't be in the near future. You cannot wait it out because the more you wait, the more damage you will do to him.

On the other hand, if you weren't serious in the beginning, why did you even agree to start a relationship? Just because he gave you a crown?
If you are not serious, then just don't commit a relationship. Say in upfront in the beginning so that everything is clear and no one gets hurt.

[Rod]

I think a lot of guys get hung up on being able to settle down and all that jazz...it's a nice thought to find someone you really click with. Have you brought any of this up that all that is just not what you're wanting to focus on right now? Or have you avoided subject?

At the start of our relationship I specifically told him i was off the market, thus why he couldn't find me on any online dating platforms. I messaged him on Instagram after he walked into my store one day because i had avoided him the store and refused to talk to him. we dated in the past but separated because we were both tops (yes i know very superficial). On instagram i just apologized after when my co worked told me i was rude and that is how we got back into contact eventually i told him i was practicing bottoming for the future so that the mistake would never happen again in my future relationships. and that is when he started messaging me regularly. eventually he called me into a restaurant and bought me a crown and i was dazzled by his generosity and he asked if we could date. naturally i was overwhelmed and said yes and now its all gone off the rails and i feel i'm finally seeing who he really is. and realizing i was never ready for any relationship from the get go. its been 6 months and i just dont want to do this further down the road. but hes a nice guy and i dont want to disrecpect or make him feel worthless. its terrible. like hes done so much for himself in the time that we've dated and hes so confident now i dont wanna see him go back into a shell and hate himself. Like i will still be his friend but honestly i dont know if thats gonna be even more toxic

---

It seems to me that you have already told him how you feel. And how did he respond ?

If not, then just tell him you are not thinking about marriage at this moment and you won't be in the near future. You cannot wait it out because the more you wait, the more damage you will do to him.

On the other hand, if you weren't serious in the beginning, why did you even agree to start a relationship? Just because he gave you a crown?
If you are not serious, then just don't commit a relationship. Say in upfront in the beginning so that everything is clear and no one gets hurt.

i thought i was ready for a relationship in the beginning but honestly as the time has gone on and hes so invested in the relationship and ive realized how much im not and i just wasnt ready to commit to this.

[andy]

Hey @"Rod"... best follow your heart and intuition! All the best x

[Insertnamehere]

Ok, I will put it simple.

What I can gather from what you describe, you and him want very different things at the moment. And that is something you should definitely sit down and have an honest talk about with him.

[InbetweenDreams]

@"Rod" I'll 2nd what @Insertnamehere said. This guy seems to have thrown the kitchen sink in and really likes you...a lot. I don't know, but most of my exes I don't talk to. The guy, who used to post here, that I really liked I don't talk to anymore either. He was a really sweet guy, handsome and I kind of went Meg Griffin with him and the rest is history. Bottom line is, he'll probably be fine. Yeah I was down in the dumps and so on but I got over it, saw the errors of my ways and moved on. It is hard to keep things in the friend zone, I don't know the guy but coming back and trying to be just friends might signal to him that maybe you want more.

Bottom line is, ultimately you need to do what is right for you. Definitely talk to him. Guys who have crushes on people are like wearing blindfolds and ear plugs, they only hear and see what they want. So despite you telling him that you're off the market it probably didn't sink in.

[InbetweenDreams]

I guess what I am saying is, try to do what you can to be friends but don't beat yourself up if it goes sideways and there is a fair chance it will.

That all being said, relationships are complicated, so many things that can work against a relationship but one of the best ways to circumvent all that is communication, not just to be good at communicating but to also be good listeners. So both parties are equally responsible to communicate and listen to their partners...but we're human and well, we don't do one or both of those very well at times. So it is good to be gentle but that doesn't mean one should sacrifice their well being.