met his ex still living in his house...

[Anonymous]

Hi all:
I've poste before that I met a great guy whom I know now for 6 weeks. His ex of 5 years still lives in his house and they share....a lot of things still. I've been ok with everything I have to say.
Tonight he invited me over. I was surprised since I know the ex is there during the week. We had a good time. At some point we were hanging out a the sofa and the ex came in from the main door from work. My guy almost jump off the sofa and he moved away from me. All of us said hi. I said hi to the ex. etc. I had to leave because it was getting late but also I felt a bit uncomfortable because of his reaction. 
We somehow talked about what happened and laughed. He said he was caught up bu the ex coming in too early, usually 2 hours after. He said the ex and him have been pretty respectful on who they bring to his house.....that comment made things weird. It is his house and I am the one he is dating...no reason to jump off the sofa if the ex see us very close... I might be wrong but actions speak more than words.... and I might be wrong too but what respect to your ex has to do with bringing the guy you are dating to your own place? I just said "life must continue and it's not fair to live it on pause" he sort of asked what I meant by it....well...his reaction spoke louder than his words.
Another thing....by accident I saw a drawing of the 2 of them and his mom in a frame by the lower shelf of the table. thought was weird too but I thought..."Well it is his mom and him in the picture"....
anyway,,,just wanted to share with you and get your opinion......

[seeking]

Did he introduce him as his ex in front of him at least ?

[InbetweenDreams]

Hi all:
I've poste before that I met a great guy whom I know now for 6 weeks. His ex of 5 years still lives in his house and they share....a lot of things still. I've been ok with everything I have to say.
Tonight he invited me over. I was surprised since I know the ex is there during the week. We had a good time. At some point we were hanging out a the sofa and the ex came in from the main door from work. My guy almost jump off the sofa and he moved away from me. All of us said hi. I said hi to the ex. etc. I had to leave because it was getting late but also I felt a bit uncomfortable because of his reaction. 
We somehow talked about what happened and laughed. He said he was caught up bu the ex coming in too early, usually 2 hours after. He said the ex and him have been pretty respectful on who they bring to his house.....that comment made things weird. It is his house and I am the one he is dating...no reason to jump off the sofa if the ex see us very close... I might be wrong but actions speak more than words.... and I might be wrong too but what respect to your ex has to do with bringing the guy you are dating to your own place? I just said "life must continue and it's not fair to live it on pause" he sort of asked what I meant by it....well...his reaction spoke louder than his words.
Another thing....by accident I saw a drawing of the 2 of them and his mom in a frame by the lower shelf of the table. thought was weird too but I thought..."Well it is his mom and him in the picture"....
anyway,,,just wanted to share with you and get your opinion......

How long has his ex been living with him since they broke up? Not sure where you are, if you're in the US most leases renew once a year. Not saying there's anything wrong as not everyone has a bad break up as I'm good friends with my ex and talk almost everyday.

As far as his reaction, perhaps it is a similar reaction to having your parents walk in on you jerking off? Hard to say, whether he was just startled or there's more than what meets the eye. But I agree, except it shouldn't matter whose house it actually is, if he's splitting rent or whatever and they're not together then they can both be adults or part ways. Not sure what he means by being respectful...does he mean they're being respectful in giving each other space or not cuddling up with other guys on the sofa in front of each other. While I want to sympathize with all that, I do think that if you're broke up with someone and have been for a while, you can learn to accept that your ex will date someone and may have dates over and so on.

It is hard to say, often is the case, what he and his ex have either agreed upon or what their post relationship looks like. I wouldn't necessarily write him off or anything like that. I would, like you, be thinking about that for a while. Likewise, it is easier to have somewhat of a neutral view from the outside. Dates, exes being around would seem a bit tense.

I would certainly try to probe more into he and his ex, what's their deal, are they friends? Is his ex moving out anytime soon? Beware of his ex, jealousy can become an issue at anytime...or not. Depends on what kind of person he and his ex are. I wouldn't be surprised if his ex were to hit on you, or try to stir up some sort of drama or perhaps absolutely nothing. If you're serious about this guy, I do think that the ex needs to go or this guy needs to find a new place, generally speaking. Now, I wouldn't push the issue to this guy to make his ex move out or anything like that, but if it is next year and the ex is still around...it would make me a little uneasy. It is too damn easy for guys to cheat on their partner as it is, let alone if there's a guy in the next bedroom.

That all being said, take my remarks and advice with a big grain of salt. One is, we on a forum can never assess everything that is going on only by what you provide and two I'm a fat, thirsty single guy and I'm trying to put myself in all these perspectives to postulate explanations for might or might be going on here. At any rate, file it in the back of your head and see where things go, if it bothers you really bad or you have a bad feeling well be good to yourself and don't put yourself where you don't want to be.

[Zurdoknoc]

Did he introduce him as his ex in front of him at least ?

No. He did not introduced us.  Was a casual “hello”.  I knew he was the ex because my guy had shared that with me.

---

Hi all:
I've poste before that I met a great guy whom I know now for 6 weeks. His ex of 5 years still lives in his house and they share....a lot of things still. I've been ok with everything I have to say.
Tonight he invited me over. I was surprised since I know the ex is there during the week. We had a good time. At some point we were hanging out a the sofa and the ex came in from the main door from work. My guy almost jump off the sofa and he moved away from me. All of us said hi. I said hi to the ex. etc. I had to leave because it was getting late but also I felt a bit uncomfortable because of his reaction. 
We somehow talked about what happened and laughed. He said he was caught up bu the ex coming in too early, usually 2 hours after. He said the ex and him have been pretty respectful on who they bring to his house.....that comment made things weird. It is his house and I am the one he is dating...no reason to jump off the sofa if the ex see us very close... I might be wrong but actions speak more than words.... and I might be wrong too but what respect to your ex has to do with bringing the guy you are dating to your own place? I just said "life must continue and it's not fair to live it on pause" he sort of asked what I meant by it....well...his reaction spoke louder than his words.
Another thing....by accident I saw a drawing of the 2 of them and his mom in a frame by the lower shelf of the table. thought was weird too but I thought..."Well it is his mom and him in the picture"....
anyway,,,just wanted to share with you and get your opinion......

How long has his ex been living with him since they broke up? Not sure where you are, if you're in the US most leases renew once a year. Not saying there's anything wrong as not everyone has a bad break up as I'm good friends with my ex and talk almost everyday.

As far as his reaction, perhaps it is a similar reaction to having your parents walk in on you jerking off? Hard to say, whether he was just startled or there's more than what meets the eye. But I agree, except it shouldn't matter whose house it actually is, if he's splitting rent or whatever and they're not together then they can both be adults or part ways. Not sure what he means by being respectful...does he mean they're being respectful in giving each other space or not cuddling up with other guys on the sofa in front of each other. While I want to sympathize with all that, I do think that if you're broke up with someone and have been for a while, you can learn to accept that your ex will date someone and may have dates over and so on.

It is hard to say, often is the case, what he and his ex have either agreed upon or what their post relationship looks like. I wouldn't necessarily write him off or anything like that. I would, like you, be thinking about that for a while. Likewise, it is easier to have somewhat of a neutral view from the outside. Dates, exes being around would seem a bit tense.

I would certainly try to probe more into he and his ex, what's their deal, are they friends? Is his ex moving out anytime soon? Beware of his ex, jealousy can become an issue at anytime...or not. Depends on what kind of person he and his ex are. I wouldn't be surprised if his ex were to hit on you, or try to stir up some sort of drama or perhaps absolutely nothing. If you're serious about this guy, I do think that the ex needs to go or this guy needs to find a new place, generally speaking. Now, I wouldn't push the issue to this guy to make his ex move out or anything like that, but if it is next year and the ex is still around...it would make me a little uneasy. It is too damn easy for guys to cheat on their partner as it is, let alone if there's a guy in the next bedroom.

That all being said, take my remarks and advice with a big grain of salt. One is, we on a forum can never assess everything that is going on only by what you provide and two I'm a fat, thirsty single guy and I'm trying to put myself in all these perspectives to postulate explanations for might or might be going on here. At any rate, file it in the back of your head and see where things go, if it bothers you really bad or you have a bad feeling well be good to yourself and don't put yourself where you don't want to be.

I was confused too about the “been respectful with each other” Response. To me an ex is an ex and I respect them yes but I would not pausing your life bringing a guy you like to your Own place and have a good time.  It’s a bit disrespectful for the other guy feeling he cannot be there mon-Friday after certain time because the ex is there and he can only be there on the weekend because the ex it is not there? Where is the respect for the new guy? Is it fair to give him a visitation schedule just because the ex loves there?  We make our relationships as smooth as we want them to be

[CellarDweller]

I have to be honest, that would be a little too much for me.

[InbetweenDreams]

I was confused too about the “been respectful with each other” Response. To me an ex is an ex and I respect them yes but I would not pausing your life bringing a guy you like to your Own place and have a good time.  It’s a bit disrespectful for the other guy feeling he cannot be there mon-Friday after certain time because the ex is there and he can only be there on the weekend because the ex it is not there? Where is the respect for the new guy? Is it fair to give him a visitation schedule just because the ex loves there?  We make our relationships as smooth as we want them to be

I guess it all depends on what he actually meant. Perhaps you can ask him to clarify, but like @CellarDweller's response that might be a bridge too far for me if I were in your shoes. That being said I know all too well how difficult it is to make the right call, especially if you really like this guy. If you're not madly in love with this guy take this a chance to pull back some so you don't get pulled into a situation that you would rather have not been in.

It is a bummer when you date someone for a while you like them and then find a big pile of dung like that. Like, I'm friends with my ex and all, we talk pretty much everyday. I make fun of him, he makes fun of me...it's fine. We never lived together, that's the main difference. However, I would think that we would be cool with each other going on dates with other guys, having them over and so on if we were in that sort of situation. After all rent in the city can be $1,100 to over $1,500+ a month for a 1-2 bedroom apartment so I get why an ex might be living with someone for an extended period of time. I would, however, make it clear to my ex as well as my dates that yep, that's my ex, we're not dating anymore, we're doing our own thing...we're living together until the lease is up or whatever the case is.

I get the respect thing like not having wild sex in the living room at 6:30 in the evening while you're ex is in the kitchen making themselves dinner.... or having your date stay overnight and not making it it sound like the washing machine spin cycle has broken at 1:30 AM on a Tuesday night. Perhaps making it an effort to plan your dates so that your ex isn't there, just to make it not uncomfortable for both your date and your ex perhaps? I get those, but the way you frame the situation makes it sound more suspicious to say the least. Makes it sound like he or is ex might be jealous or perhaps the flame isn't completely out between them.