Exhaustion

[Zet]

Hello everyone.

I'm not really sure how to begin this. Generally, I just feel like a paradox. I'm not sure what to do or where to turn, since it's a complex issue. I just remember that I used to find some solace in asking for advice here back when I was rather active in the forum, so I'm just asking for advice if someone else has felt this way and how to handle it.

This isn't a tread about my intestinal condition, but giving a background of it might give some context to who I am today. Back in 2018 I got diagnosed with IBS. In the beginning I neglected the diagnosis, but then during the spring and summer of 2019 I got so ill that I literally felt like I was going to die. Since then I've made a major life change. I'm exercising almost every day, I'm eating more healthy that I ever have and I've removed items from my diet that flare up IBS symptoms. In a sense, I feel better than ever before having lost 63 kilos in 15 months.

The core issue is related to stress, or rather exhaustion. I went through a bachelors program during the period autumn 2017 to summer of 2020 (graduated), and now I've moved into another new city to study up my masters degree. This program is very interesting, but it's so stressful. There is always some deadline for us to study for, and it feels like I do everything I can to ensure that schoolwork should be good. I spend so much time every day studying, and yet it never feels enough. I started working out at a gym because the heavy weight loss has also caused some muscle degradation. I hoped that it would help me feel even more energized for my studies, but so far, it has only exacerbated my problems by making my muscles constantly sore to the point that I have no energy for anything. 

Since I'm in a new town where I don't know anyone (the class is still on distance), I feel rather lonely. I've always wanted to have a boyfriend, so I've tried a couple of dating apps such as tinder with not very good results. The current problem is this: I want to invite my friends and family from other towns here, as well as to meet new people, but because I'm so stressed due to school it hinders me. But when I'm socializing I'm just thinking "oh shit I need to read and study!", which makes me avoid meeting people; which itself demoralizes myself by feeling isolated. 

Whatever I do, I just feel this constant pressure that I need to preform, that I need to study; because if not, I'll lose my funding and my apartment. Even though I got myself a bachelors degree, It's kind of useless in these corona times as no one is hiring people in the cultural heritage sector at the moment. Even though I'm a former chef, so I got the possibility to always look for temporary chef jobs (even though every fiber in my body resists doing this); no one is hiring a chef now always either as many restaurants have been forced to shut down. Those restaurants that still manage to hold themselves open, aren't looking for more staff; rather they'd prefer to shorten staff schedules.. So it just feels like I have to study, because if I wouldn't, I would be unemployed due to corona shutdowns. 

Today I've experienced what I would call (from my own made up terms) a neuropathic "exhaustion attack" (because I have no idea what they are, nor does any doctor know), which I would describe as the following: imagine all your energy vanishing. You feel so heavy you have difficulty with balance and standing up right, at the same time it feels that there are thousands of needles pinching every nerve on your extremities. All you feel like is laying down, yet you can't relax. You freeze, even though it's room temperature and are covered in a bed quilt. These "attacks" might last for 1-3 hours. 

These attacks started to come this winter during the writing of my bachelors thesis. Since the start of these "attacks", I've also noticed that my hands and feet becomes very cold when I feel stressful; which feels like always. I'm often wearing double pair of socks and finger gloves insides and outside (even though it might be 20 celcius outside). I've been visiting a clinic since summer of 2019 to investigate my problems with my tummy (and my problems with these neuropathic symptoms, but much later) and after doing an endoscopic-, gastroscopic procedure, several gut and body X-rays and MRI scans, and so many blood tests (or other bodily fluid tests) that I've lost count,  they concluded that there were nothing physically wrong with me; rather that I'm more healthy than I've ever been. Yet my problems with my tummy, exhaustion and cold hands / feet wont go away. I've tried come to contact with a psychologist as I suspect these symptoms might be stress / burnout related, but the earliest appointment I could get as 2 of november, and I'm pretty sure that might be standard as everyone needs a bloody psychologist during the covid pandemi. 

This is what I mean that I feel like a paradox. Even though that I should feel very well, as I'm living more healthy than ever before, and I'm doing very well academically; I just don't. If everything is just stress related, then I don't know what to do. There isn't a "cure" for it; and I can't remove the stress either since I need to study because I need the money (studentloans and grants). I just... I just want to sleep. Sleep all the time. And even though I get 8 hours of sleep each day, I rarely feel relaxed. I just feel rather hopeless and not sure what I can do to feel better, and how to get more energy so I actually can preform for school. 

[Alakazam]

I am not qualified by any means to diagnose or recommend but since you posted I believe you are looking for any advice even unprofessional.

I think allot of people get to a similar point in college. Everyone is trained to "go go go".
Your brain is like a muscle and like a muscle it can be overused.

Imagine physically running a marathon for years on end.
No matter how well trained or physically capable everything under the sun has its limits (the sun as well for that matter).

I have been in situations similar to yours if not identical, the solution for me is two things.
1. spend a week or soo doing NOTHING, no phone, no pc no nothing. (preferably during a break).
Dont watch TV dont do house work (use disposables plates, forks etc.) completely shut down, sleep as long as you want and eat healthy.
Be a physical as you want, if you feel like a gym then do it, feel like a walk go! 
2. when you pick things back up set YOU time IE Saturdays can be your YOU time. This time is for whatever YOU want to do that IS NOT causing you stress. Go for walks, play  game, talk to family.
Sundays you can prep for monday, do laundry, light study/overviews/recaps.

I found my life improved when I finally had a ME day, when every day was rush and stress It got to the point I couldn't focus. There was no proverbial carrot on the stick and I was allot less happy.
emphasize once more a YOU day, doesnt matter if you got a super important test on monday, doesnt matter if ... .

The most valuable resource we have is ourselves, killing ourselves is counterproductive in all circumstances.

hope this helps at least a little.

I think once you can de stress a little and be happier and more healthy you find that even though you are not spending EVERY waking moment stressing, going full throttle, you are overall actually more productive.

[InbetweenDreams]

Well if anything is true, school is very stressful, so that alone is a big part of your problems. How much sleep are you getting? How often are you going to the gym?

What you describe as an exaustion attack sounds very similar to the first panic attack I had in 2014. My arms and legs went numb like pins and needles, broke out in a cold sweat, hard to breathe. I thought I was dying....ended up taking a trip in the "meat wagon." Scary for me, yes, but I did quit smoking after that.

How much time do you give yourself to do nothing, like lay around and watch tv, stare at clouds or meditate? Perhaps you should find ways to incorporate down time into your schedule, maybe go to the gym less often or do less intense workouts. Moderation is super important. I know, I have yo-yo'ed with my weight several times. So it is important that you find a lifestyle that you can live with...going to the gym 6 days a week for the rest of your life is probably not sustainable, same with studying all night and getting 3 hours of sleep.

As far as having a boyfriend while also busy being in college. I think a boyfriend sounds nice and all but it is probably a bad thing in the short term. That doesn't mean you can't go meet people, make friends or have a hookup or whatever, just that having a boyfriend could add more stress, mainly you won't have much time to spend with him and that might inadvertently become a problem, especially if this boyfriend isn't in college and has extra time and wants to spend that extra time with you.

I never was much of a fan of Tinder, but I have had some luck with Facebook Dating and depending on where you are even Grindr doesn't always turn up crap all the time. I don't think there's anything wrong with finding a guy that isn't a complete nimrod to screw around with, hex sex and watch cartoons or whatever and not have any commitments, but that's just me. The guy advice coming from me take with a big fat grain of salt. I'm terrible with guys, terrible. Perhaps I would be better suited to write a book about "How to Piss Your Boyfriend Off," or "How to Ruin Your Chances By 100%."

Finally, IBS. I can relate. I have had IBS like issues for some time and it seems in my case the vagus nerve seems to get stimulated and causes palpitations and skipped beats and the trapped gas for some reason I get sort of dizzy and feel like crap sometimes for hours. That being said, I imagine you being in college your diet might not be the greatest...so what do you eat normally? Drink a lot of coffee? Energy Drinks?

[Zet]

Yeah the purpose of this thread is not to get a diagnosis, as I have no expectation that there might be any licensed medial or psychological doctors here. Rather it's more socio-behavioral in nature; so as to derive perspectives if others might've felt or been in a situation in any way similar to mine.

To reply to Alakazams response: Yeah I've thought about that too. Problem being is, as always, money. This summer I went thought a very hectic summer course in basic chemistry because I couldn't find a summer job, and taking studenloans would grant me the money so that I could move to this new town. Thereby, I've not really had a "break week / vocation" since perhaps summer of 2019. It's just been a study marathon. I couldn't even relax during the start of this course as I had 1 week of overlapping courses; and now I got an essay to write in 1 week. My problem with "Me days" is that the purpose is to help me relax; but many times I feel more stressed out because in the back of my mind a wallowing thought echos in my mind saying "YOU NEED TO STUDY", and I don't know how to turn it off. But theoretically, I agree with your overall premise; that if you'd stress less, you'd be more happy and more productive.

Response to InBetweenDreams: Maybe. The described symptoms you presented with sounds just like mine. I always thought a panic attack was more... panicked or ow to say.  What did you do to reduce the risk of you getting one of those attacks?
Meditate: not so much. Tv / netflix / videogames: whenever I need a break. Not sure on the quantity though heh. But I game a lot less than I used to. Perhaps less than 1 hour a day. Resting in bed: perhaps 20 minutes to 1 hour a day. Sleep: 7-9 hours a day generally. Gym: 3-4 times a day (like: gym day money, rest day tuesday, gym day wednesday, rest day thursday etc).
Well the reason why I want a boyfriend is that I enjoy being around fewer people that I trust, rather than hooking up with anyone. Rather I got heavy social anxiety, so meeting new people, specially for hooking up, just brings me more anxiety than pleasure. I need people I can feel a sense of trust to. Thereby, I got a hard time making friends / meeting others because I have it difficult being around new people. Yet I know that I need to expose myself to new people in order to lessen my social anxiety. But I can see your perspective that having a partner that you don't have a lot of time to put up with, can itself only lead to more stress and strains on the relationship.
I didn't knew that Facebook had a dating app, or similar. I generally disfavour Grindr because from what I've seen, most people there are just looking for quick hook ups and sex. I don't really like tinder itself either, it just feels like there is more people using that even though barely any people I find fascinating matches up with me. Obviously there is nothing wrong with looking for hook ups; I just got heavy social anxiety, so just meeting a random person I don't trust makes me feel so vulnerable.
Well I drink perhaps 3 coffees a day, but other than that my diet is very healthy. My breakfast begins at 10 with a bowl of yogurt mixed with berries, fruit, honey, nuts and 3 spoons of mixed seeds. With it I eat fiber cereal. During the say I eat some fruit, a boiled egg or a fiber rich sandwich / hardbread. My dinner consists every day of a big bowl of sallad with various proteins and other stuff (yesterday I had yogurt/ajvar relish with it). I barely eat any candy, and if I do, it's just dark chocolate or a date bar. So far i've removed: beans, lentils, peas (and chick peas), lactose, gluten, any kind of onion (standard onion, red onion, leak, garlic etc), any kind of kale / cabbage, most kind of artificial sweetener, stone fruits (apples, cherries, plums etc), currants and other high sorbitol fruits / berries, rice, white bread, added sugars, chilly peppers and spicy food, avocado, pineapple, mushrooms of any kind, soy products, carbonated soda drinks, candies etc from my diet. I've also limited my consumption of root vegetables, potatoes, all kinds of nuts, chocolate (dark), dried fruits. Feels like I've removed anything that really could potentially upset my stomach accourding to a low FODMAPS diet, yet at times, my tummy just feels like chernobyl.

[InbetweenDreams]

Problem being is, as always, money. This summer I went thought a very hectic summer course in basic chemistry because I couldn't find a summer job, and taking studenloans would grant me the money so that I could move to this new town. Thereby, I've not really had a "break week / vocation" since perhaps summer of 2019. It's just been a study marathon. I couldn't even relax during the start of this course as I had 1 week of overlapping courses; and now I got an essay to write in 1 week. My problem with "Me days" is that the purpose is to help me relax; but many times I feel more stressed out because in the back of my mind a wallowing thought echos in my mind saying "YOU NEED TO STUDY", and I don't know how to turn it off. But theoretically, I agree with your overall premise; that if you'd stress less, you'd be more happy and more productive.

What would you say your anxiety level is say...right now. 0 being no anxiety at all...10 being full on panic.

Not that anxiety is 100% bad as it is a motivator to an extent and has helped us humans from becoming extinct but being "always turned on" can just crank the anxiety up and will cause problems. So managing the anxiety that comes from "I need to study!!" all the time is a super important and also not easy.

Response to InBetweenDreams: Maybe. The described symptoms you presented with sounds just like mine. I always thought a panic attack was more... panicked or ow to say.  What did you do to reduce the risk of you getting one of those attacks?
Meditate: not so much. Tv / netflix / videogames: whenever I need a break. Not sure on the quantity though heh. But I game a lot less than I used to. Perhaps less than 1 hour a day. Resting in bed: perhaps 20 minutes to 1 hour a day. Sleep: 7-9 hours a day generally. Gym: 3-4 times a day (like: gym day money, rest day tuesday, gym day wednesday, rest day thursday etc).

One way to describe a panic attack is kind of like almost getting into a big car wreck or maybe getting chased by a bear but without the stimuli, or a way to burn off the adrenaline quickly so it lasts a lot longer and often can feed itself as it did with me...because I didn't know what was happening when I had mine it just fed itself if that makes sense, like you're freaking out because you're freaking out. Now for me I was definitely panicking and that made it worse. Caffeine will make that worse and I'd say in that instance that's the straw that broke the camel's back you could say.

Well I drink perhaps 3 coffees a day

That's a fair bit of coffee and that 7-9 hours of sleep is probably being impacted by that to some extent. So my advice is to only drink it in the morning or before noon. Drinking heavily caffeinated drinks will mess up your sleep if not cause insomnia. That being said, ween yourself off, don't stop drinking coffee abruptly you'll be like F that in a couple days, so maybe try doing coffee twice a day at first.

Well the reason why I want a boyfriend is that I enjoy being around fewer people that I trust, rather than hooking up with anyone. Rather I got heavy social anxiety, so meeting new people, specially for hooking up, just brings me more anxiety than pleasure. I need people I can feel a sense of trust to. Thereby, I got a hard time making friends / meeting others because I have it difficult being around new people. Yet I know that I need to expose myself to new people in order to lessen my social anxiety. But I can see your perspective that having a partner that you don't have a lot of time to put up with, can itself only lead to more stress and strains on the relationship.
I didn't knew that Facebook had a dating app, or similar. I generally disfavour Grindr because from what I've seen, most people there are just looking for quick hook ups and sex. I don't really like tinder itself either, it just feels like there is more people using that even though barely any people I find fascinating matches up with me. Obviously there is nothing wrong with looking for hook ups; I just got heavy social anxiety, so just meeting a random person I don't trust makes me feel so vulnerable.

Well, I can definitely relate on the social anxiety issue. I have had that all my life and although I have got better at it I still hate being in larger groups, I hate being in crowded places...I don't like being around people I don't know. Ultimately, that social anxiety, feeling like I don't fit in and so on really just ruined high school for me. Didn't have any friends, never went to any school dances (not that I dance), never went to prom or any of that.

The social anxiety thing is a different issue mostly over having a boyfriend. Unfortunately yes, exposure therapy is the best way to help with it...but that doesn't mean throw yourself in the deep end either, kind of need to be aware of what is a happy medium for you. So that might be going to eat dinner at a restaurant by yourself (when covid is "over") or going for a walk in a crowded park...again when covid is over. Of course it all does depend on what about social situations is an issue for you. Like, for me I hate the idea of sitting a bar or restaurant by myself, but I also don't like crowds or new people.

The facebook dating is only on the mobile version of their app. It does work a lot like Tinder but there's a lot more people on there. I do agree about hook-ups, I don't like random people coming over, I definitely need to get an idea of who I'm dealing with and why I turn down the opportunities often, or one reason anyway. All in all when it comes to any sort of online dating, including grindr, there's a lot of guys who aren't interesting. People don't know how to communicate or break the ice... I find that people either don't have a personality or they just don't communicate well so it can be hard to get to know people that way and in the days of covid the prospects of meeting people face to face isn't as likely. I would err on the side of caution too with that specifically due to covid. Probably the best bit of advice I have about online dating or grindr or whatever it is, don't let anyone make you feel bad about yourself, ever. I spent a lot of my 20's thinking I was ugly, fat or whatever and now I am now that I'm in my 30's lol, but seriously though. We spend far too much time worrying about things that ultimately don't matter but they're amplified because all we have to do is swipe left or right.

Well I drink perhaps 3 coffees a day, but other than that my diet is very healthy. My breakfast begins at 10 with a bowl of yogurt mixed with berries, fruit, honey, nuts and 3 spoons of mixed seeds. With it I eat fiber cereal. During the say I eat some fruit, a boiled egg or a fiber rich sandwich / hardbread. My dinner consists every day of a big bowl of sallad with various proteins and other stuff (yesterday I had yogurt/ajvar relish with it). I barely eat any candy, and if I do, it's just dark chocolate or a date bar. So far i've removed: beans, lentils, peas (and chick peas), lactose, gluten, any kind of onion (standard onion, red onion, leak, garlic etc), any kind of kale / cabbage, most kind of artificial sweetener, stone fruits (apples, cherries, plums etc), currants and other high sorbitol fruits / berries, rice, white bread, added sugars, chilly peppers and spicy food, avocado, pineapple, mushrooms of any kind, soy products, carbonated soda drinks, candies etc from my diet. I've also limited my consumption of root vegetables, potatoes, all kinds of nuts, chocolate (dark), dried fruits. Feels like I've removed anything that really could potentially upset my stomach accourding to a low FODMAPS diet, yet at times, my tummy just feels like chernobyl.

I have certainly not gone through the effort you have to deal with my stomach woes. I do find that sometimes certain food bother me and being IBS I don't always know it's a problem for like a day. If you still have stomach problems it may be other foods that you haven't cut out, so some of the foods you have cut out might not be a problem... Like, I can't cut out potatoes, I'm too Irish for that.

To answer your questions about how to prevent or ease those panic attacks or whatever they are I would suggest deep breathing. Take slow breaths in and hold and slow breaths out....say 5 seconds each and concentrate on the breathing only.

Other things to try are the 5 senses, something you see, something you taste, something you hear and touch. I'll have to find a link that goes into that more. The breathing thing is a big one at least for me. Most importantly, be aware of your thoughts and how they make you feel.

That's all I have for now. Keep getting things popping up at work and family matters.

[Alakazam]

The hardest part about "ME" days is indeed shutting off the nagging "Study, do this do that".

The worst thing you can do is identify a problem and delay any and all possible remedies. That is the only sure way of failure is no change.

Last thing I would add is how important is that A grade to you on your upcoming assignments?
I don't know about your classes but my personal classes fair amount of time spent could net me a solid B or soo.
getting that A or A+ really added a TON of time. It may be more beneficial in the long term to aim for a lower grade on your immediate assignments so you can work on your mental and physical health. Cutting your losses so to speak.

Certainly would not hurt to discuss with your professors either.