TIME LIMIT TO FIND THE IDEAL MAN.

[bootsguy]

I am 36 and I am not any younger. I live in a small family and my parents are already in the 70s. I need to find a partner to start a life with and do anything we want. I want to be able to do things together. If I could not find the ideal man in less than 5 years, I will marry a woman and start a family. I really wanted to find a man to marry or at least have a life together for serious relationship and/or long term partnership.

[InbetweenDreams]

I am 36 and I am not any younger. I live in a small family and my parents are already in the 70s. I need to find a partner to start a life with and do anything we want. I want to be able to do things together. If I could not find the ideal man in less than 5 years, I will marry a woman and start a family. I really wanted to find a man to marry or at least have a life together for serious relationship and/or long term partnership.

So let's take a deeper look at all this. First being 36...42...27 or whatever isn't a magical number that determines whether it is too late to settle down (with a man or woman). I'm not saying age is just a number but I think you're boxing yourself into something that you may not be happy with. I assume your concern is that you don't want to be 78 on your kid's 18th birthday assuming that kids is what you want? I totally understand that as I've thought about the same thing myself and I'm 34 and single and I'm kind of fat....which isn't something people are (usually) attracted to.

As far as time limits, why 5 years? That makes you 41...I will tell you that most women, even now at our age, will likely already have kids around that age and if they haven't there could be other unforeseen issues....pregnancy is not easy. Adoption is certainly an option regardless of whether you settle down with a man or woman, both are very expensive. Why in 5 years would it make any difference as to who you settle down with? Do you even like women? Are you attracted to them at all? When was the last time you dated a woman? Have you ever had sex with a woman? I'm not asking because I am expecting answers, these are questions you must ask yourself and give a lot of thought about them. I cannot fathom someone who is gay to force themselves in a relationship with someone they are not happy with and if you do not like the idea of being with or being sexual with a woman for the rest of their lives... I don't think you would find happiness that way (depending on how you answer those questions that is).

So the other question I have is what are you doing now for dating? I see you have another thread about online dating sites. I haven't looked at that thread yet but assuming you're in the US, I have had decent luck with Plenty of Fish (aka POF). I do not know how well or if POF works in other countries such as the UK. There are a lot of people on their platform and it is free. They do have a premium option but I think you're just as well off keeping your money. There's also Facebook Dating, again not sure if that is available in other countries or not, but that seems to work well enough. Likewise there are sites like match.com, Tinder and you're typical apps like Grindr, Hornet, Scruff and so on. Hook-up apps are not typically thought of for looking for dates and relationships but sometimes hook-up have led to long term relationships.

The best advice I have is to keep your mind open about things, you never know where or when you will meet the right person...often takes many tries and it is not dependant on whether you're dating a man or woman. I would also not set time limits, box yourself in or belittle yourself. There's just no shortcuts, I'm looking for many of the same things you're looking for and I've not been successful yet.

[Chase]

Are you bi? If you're gay, it might not be the best idea to marry a woman just because you can't find a man. It would be wrong to deceive a woman into thinking you're attracted to her if you aren't, and most women aren't looking for platonic marriages (although, there are some). Also, I don't know how dating works in your area, but here in the US, most straight guys can't exactly find a woman at the snap of their fingers. It might be easier for straight people to find partners, but easier, not easy. Straight dating isn't exactly the easiest thing in the world (especially if you're gay).

[gentlebearDR62]

I waited until 62,now 64 looking and learning for mentors I live in the DR 6 months this year and permanently from 2024 .Its been amzing so far many firsts but need to learn how some activities work lol.

[bootsguy]

I am 36 and I am not any younger. I live in a small family and my parents are already in the 70s. I need to find a partner to start a life with and do anything we want. I want to be able to do things together. If I could not find the ideal man in less than 5 years, I will marry a woman and start a family. I really wanted to find a man to marry or at least have a life together for serious relationship and/or long term partnership.

So let's take a deeper look at all this. First being 36...42...27 or whatever isn't a magical number that determines whether it is too late to settle down (with a man or woman). I'm not saying age is just a number but I think you're boxing yourself into something that you may not be happy with. I assume your concern is that you don't want to be 78 on your kid's 18th birthday assuming that kids is what you want? I totally understand that as I've thought about the same thing myself and I'm 34 and single and I'm kind of fat....which isn't something people are (usually) attracted to.

As far as time limits, why 5 years? That makes you 41...I will tell you that most women, even now at our age, will likely already have kids around that age and if they haven't there could be other unforeseen issues....pregnancy is not easy. Adoption is certainly an option regardless of whether you settle down with a man or woman, both are very expensive. Why in 5 years would it make any difference as to who you settle down with? Do you even like women? Are you attracted to them at all? When was the last time you dated a woman? Have you ever had sex with a woman? I'm not asking because I am expecting answers, these are questions you must ask yourself and give a lot of thought about them. I cannot fathom someone who is gay to force themselves in a relationship with someone they are not happy with and if you do not like the idea of being with or being sexual with a woman for the rest of their lives... I don't think you would find happiness that way (depending on how you answer those questions that is).

So the other question I have is what are you doing now for dating? I see you have another thread about online dating sites. I haven't looked at that thread yet but assuming you're in the US, I have had decent luck with Plenty of Fish (aka POF). I do not know how well or if POF works in other countries such as the UK. There are a lot of people on their platform and it is free. They do have a premium option but I think you're just as well off keeping your money. There's also Facebook Dating, again not sure if that is available in other countries or not, but that seems to work well enough. Likewise there are sites like match.com, Tinder and you're typical apps like Grindr, Hornet, Scruff and so on. Hook-up apps are not typically thought of for looking for dates and relationships but sometimes hook-up have led to long term relationships.

The best advice I have is to keep your mind open about things, you never know where or when you will meet the right person...often takes many tries and it is not dependant on whether you're dating a man or woman. I would also not set time limits, box yourself in or belittle yourself. There's just no shortcuts, I'm looking for many of the same things you're looking for and I've not been successful yet.


Thank you very much for the advice... 

[IanSaysHi]

Might be helpful:

https://www.buzzfeed.com/urfavvlulu/shoe...month-quiz

[ChadCoxRox]

[InbetweenDreams]

@bootsguy Have you gone on any dates or meet any new people since your post? Not trying to call you out, just wanted to ask how things were going on that front.