Being alone

[soulfulriver]

Hello Members,


Do you think some people are meant to be alone without having a relationship in their life?


Thank you.

[InbetweenDreams]

Define what you mean by relationship, simply that it can encompass quite a lot. We humans are a social species, so yes, I do think we're wired to seek out relationships with people, even if you're the most shy and introverted person. Of course, when I say relationship I mean any sort of friendship. I think we get hung up on the idea of finding a soulmate or marrying someone and living happily ever after and the unfortunate truth is that seldom happens for anyone. One, we complicate our lives and in this day in age we're pros at that.

You might meet the person who you'll spend the rest of your life with or maybe the next month with because they drive you insane. Perhaps you might make some friends doing a hobby or just hang out and watch movies. Those are all relationships and are things we all need.

I think the less we worry about finding someone and focus more about making the most out of life the better. You can often have more fun being single and often the right people will find their way into your life.

[eastofeden]

I really don't know if anyone is meant to be alone as some kind of fate BUT I know alot of people CHOOSE to be alone.

My theory on the subject in general - develop  a good relationship with yourself so whatever happens it is a win-win. 

Having watched people meet and mate for many years in person  due to my job - I can tell you that is is much easier to attract men if you are OK with being alone.

You don't want the "needy vibe" - trust me on this one. 

It isn't attractive and more often than not it is instead a repellent.

[InbetweenDreams]

I will second @eastofeden's advice on that. It is very easy to fall into the trap of desperation, being overly attached to someone who you're trying to date can get ugly. I know all too well from my own experience.

The other thing I didn't catch in your post @soulfulriver is you said "are people [b]meant[//b] to be alone"

I don't think people have pre-defined destinies. I personally don't buy into that we are here, individually, for a specific purpose or that we are destined to become XY or Z, or that we're destined to be with someone or not. I do not believe our lives are predetermined.

[seeking]

The meaning of relationship is also changing....I feel that more and more people are in polygamous or open relationship and they call all of their partners "friends"

In the traditional sense they don't actually have a relationship...but in the sense of the nowadays' time, they have numerous relationships at the same time...

I don't really know what situation are you at, but maybe you can seek relations that are not in the traditional sense.

[soulfulriver]

Thank you for your replies @InbetweenDreams , @eastofeden and @seeking

[Bookworm]

I don't necessarily think people are meant to be alone, but there are just too many variables to consider in that equation.

Like @eastofeden says, some folks choose to be alone, while others that don't want to be struggle to find meaningful relationships. Sometimes we can expend too much energy and effort looking for that special relationship that it just burns you out.
I think it's also true what east says, that if you work on developing a healthy relationship with yourself first, then other areas of your life will then start falling into place naturally, including attracting the right kind of people into your circle.

[Insertnamehere]

Do you think some people are meant to be alone without having a relationship in their life?

I will assume we are talking about romantic relationships.

Well, to me at least, that thought is ridiculous. I equate that with "destiny", "predetermination" and all that (what I deem to be) almost-religious nonsense. People have far more agency than that.

I think people can be too troubled to have lasting healthy relationships, and they need to sort themselves out and work through their issues before they can be in one.

I think they often don't feel comfortable with a relationship just yet, they may be more so in the future.

I think people my often not find a person that is a good match right off the bat and may not want to invest in it to see whether it could work in the long run. Because of course, there is always a risk it won't work anyway.

I think people have certain expectations and then those expectations are not met they get discouraged.

I also think not too many people are truly aware of the work it takes to carry a successful (however you define that) relationship until they find themselves in one and then when things don't work, again they will be discouraged.

Other people are quite comfortable just being "alone".

And all of those things are temporary, snapshot mental states, that may very well change into the future.

There is really too many reasons why someone who wants a relationship won't be in one for a while and then there are many people who do not want to be. And that is also, a situation of the moment, because we don't know what the future will be like.

[soulfulriver]

Thank you for your replies @Bookworm and @Insertnamehere