An introduction

[Brazenhead]

Hello, I am a 36 year old bisexual man in a straight relationship with my girlfriend we have one daughter together aged 7, we have been together for 9 years in August.

I knew I was physically attracted to both girls and boys from a fairly young age and found it all extremely confusing, at the time I didn't know bisexuality actually existed which only compounded my confusion. My puberty was a bit of a nightmare, there were a few embarrassing incidents that took place in high school and college and I became a withdrawn loner for quite a while as a result, burying myself in my studies and the career that came after that.

I eventually had various sexual encounters with both men and women over a period where I would try anything, I took part in orgies, group sex, swinging etc which was sexually liberating but left me feeling somewhat empty and hollow inside. Then I met my girlfriend and fell in love and things have looked up considerably since then, my daughter just being the icing on the family cake.

I do still struggle with sexual desires towards men daily, but I am winning the battle to stay faithful and honest.

[princealbertofb]

to GaySpeak, Brazenhead.. I think you will find that you are not the only one with your predicament... and the feeling of emptiness inside is a feeling that others have felt, just like you, in such a situation. It is good that you are enjoying the stability of your family situation with your daughter and girlfriend. My question is: "Does your girlfriend know anything about this? Or has this always been your dirty little secret?"
You are right to say that it is most confusing to undertand (and accept) that one can be attracted to both sexes... I know we can perform and be quite happy with a woman, but when the desire to be with men takes over, then it is also right maybe to question what our sexuality really is. How much does the hankering for male bonding need to be curbed? Is it getting to be a struggle?

[Brazenhead]

I suppose I am very lucky in that my girlfriend happens to be also bisexual, so she can be very understanding when its comes to discussing certain wants and desires that either of us may have. Neither of us have been unfaithful to each other in 9 years but I am aware of the possibility that something might happen one day in the future either with me or her, and that would cause problems because neither of us considers our relationship to be an "open" one.

The thing is most of my best sexual experiences have been with men, but they were purely sexual, there was no real emotion involved just sexual desire, I have only met one guy in my life that I would have maybe considered "relationship" material, but he moved to South Africa with his brother so I guess we'll never know.

I just don't want one moment of weakness to ruin a nine year relationship.

[princealbertofb]

Well, my dear fellow, it seems to me you are reaching a point in your couple's life where you need to discuss and redefine what you mean to each other... There's nothing that says that you are going to destroy everything you've built together as a family, if she is willing to let you have your flings while she can have hers... If she can be trusted so much, then I'd advise talking to her... Again, if you feel you might need counselling, then maybe you could both go together to a specialist in marital (I know you're not married, but almost) counselling. What do you think of that solution? Feasible, or ... ?

[Brazenhead]

She has mentioned counselling before but I am a naturally cynical person because of all the stuff that has happened to me over the years, I would probably try it, but I think going to counselling is almost the first step in admitting defeat.

As far as flings go she says she is 100% committed to me and would never stray even for a woman, I on the other hand am not sure what would happen under certain circumstances, I have been tempted before on numerous occassions but have always held back and walked away.

Sex with a woman and sex with a man are two very seperate things to me, I don't know if that makes any sense?, I get certain things from sex with a man that I don't get from sex with a woman and vice versa.

[princealbertofb]

[quote=Brazenhead]She has mentioned counselling before but I am a naturally cynical person because of all the stuff that has happened to me over the years, I would probably try it, but I think going to counselling is almost the first step in admitting defeat.

As far as flings go she says she is 100% committed to me and would never stray even for a woman, I on the other hand am not sure what would happen under certain circumstances, I have been tempted before on numerous occassions but have always held back and walked away.

Sex with a woman and sex with a man are two very seperate things to me, I don't know if that makes any sense?, I get certain things from sex with a man that I don't get from sex with a woman and vice versa.[/quote]


IF our friend Michael was still on these boards he would answer it this way... I think there is some truth in his philosophy. You don't go to your dentist asking him to mend a broken back, and you don't go to your chiropractor asking him to mend a broken tooth... Both are different and have different things to offer. What you really need to consider is whether you can sustain the 100% commitment to your partner, when obviously you are finding it harder and harder to do, or whether you'd better open up about it. What are the difficulties in broaching the subject with her??? That's what I feel needs to be said here. Are there any pieces of evidence that could possibly point out to your thinking of being unfaithful to her?