Regret #1

[soulfulriver]

Hi guys,


Wanted to share about something with you all.

I have many regrets in life. One of them is education.


I used to be playful in middle school and high school and did not study properly that much. As a result, I did not do so well for my studies.

I could not take my favourite major in university due to my average grades and had to take up I.T major instead.

I also start to realise that I could not cope working in the I.T industry as it is actually not of my interest.


I feel a lot of regret for not studying well during my teenage days. If not, I could have gotten better grades and taken up my favourite major.

Also, I struggled a lot because I had to cope with social anxiety during my university days. It affected me a lot as it caused me to fail many of my modules and had to repeat many semesters. It was really a miracle that I managed to graduate with a degree.

Even now, during some interviews, I get bad response from interviewers due to my poor grades in my degree.

Most of my ex-classmates have now become managers or take up senior roles in their career. And here I am, barely struggling to keep up with my job as a junior level.


Also, the youngest cousin in my family just graduated from high school. And it has been confirmed, among all my cousins, I have the lowest grades.


Sometimes, I do wish I can turn back in time and correct my mistakes. It really makes me feel very low about myself.

[Insertnamehere]

What's done is done man. You work with what you have at the moment. That fact that you hold a job is an accomplishment on its own.

Clearly, you are not very happy right now, so is it feasible for you to go back to uni? Study something that you like this time?

I know, education is crazy expensive, takes time, all that shit. But I think it would be worth considering it. Maybe not a full 5 years (or 4 or 6 whatever you do there) career plan but something else maybe.

But, first, you really have to stop with the comparisons. They are not healthy. Get them out of your brain. You only compare yourself to yourself, understand? I realize it maybe very well be impossible to get someone to do that because we are so very often susceptible to what other people think about us, how we "place" in comparison to other people and how many times these other people will love to compare themselves to you. But really, don't do that, if you can, don't let it get to you if you can.

If you feel unhappy about something in your life, try and find if there is a way you can change it and go for it. I think you can do it man.

[soulfulriver]

What's done is done man. You work with what you have at the moment. That fact that you hold a job is an accomplishment on its own.

Clearly, you are not very happy right now, so is it feasible for you to go back to uni? Study something that you like this time?

I know, education is crazy expensive, takes time, all that shit. But I think it would be worth considering it. Maybe not a full 5 years (or 4 or 6 whatever you do there) career plan but something else maybe.

But, first, you really have to stop with the comparisons. They are not healthy. Get them out of your brain. You only compare yourself to yourself, understand? I realize it maybe very well be impossible to get someone to do that because we are so very often susceptible to what other people think about us, how we "place" in comparison to other people and how many times these other people will love to compare themselves to you. But really, don't do that, if you can, don't let it get to you if you can.

If you feel unhappy about something in your life, try and find if there is a way you can change it and go for it. I think you can do it man.

Thank you for your reply @Insertnamehere

Actually, I'm thinking of taking a diploma in another major, instead of degree as it's more affordable for me.  I'm still paying off the loan for my first degree.

True, I'll stop comparing myself with other people. I should be thankful that I still have a job.

Thanks for your positive message.

Hugs to you 

[InbetweenDreams]

While I certainly am not someone who went to an Ivy league school or anything like that I am puzzled that a school would forbid someone from going into a major they want to choose....that seems like a flawed methodology. I am sorry to hear that you were forced down a career path that you don't seem to be passionate about. Then again it is IT and people and bureaucracy often ruin it. Not sure what you do in IT but it can be a good career just depending on your interests. All in all I think we put far too much on expectations of teenagers, many kids today have no idea what they want to do or what they want out of life but we keep cramming standardized testing, aptitude tests and fligning career choices galore.

I also think experience should speak louder than grades, especially if you have been out of school for a while. I mean someone who's getting a job interview who has 15 years experience in a field related to the job, who cares what they did in college or went to college at all. You're really self-taught a lot of it anyway, especially software developers...You're really paying a school $30k a year to look shit up on StackExchange lol because you know the professor isn't going to do any of that, just that he had better had your work by whatever deadline.

Remember that talent is a pursued interest. So, chances are if it is something you like, you are likely to be more proficient at it. Also remember that do things because they interest you, not (only) because you're good at it, some advice from Kurt Vonnegut.

“When I was 15, I spent a month working on an archeological dig. I was talking to one of the archeologists one day during our lunch break and he asked those kinds of ‘getting to know you’ questions you ask young people: Do you play sports? What’s your favorite subject? And I told him, no I don’t play any sports. I do theater, I’m in choir, I play the violin and piano, I used to take art classes.
“And he went wow. That’s amazing! And I said, ‘Oh no, but I’m not any good at any of them.’
“And he said something then that I will never forget and which absolutely blew my mind because no one had ever said anything like it to me before: ‘I don’t think being good at things is the point of doing them. I think you’ve got all these wonderful experiences with different skills, and that all teaches you things and makes you an interesting person, no matter how well you do them.’
“And that honestly changed my life. Because I went from a failure, someone who hadn’t been talented enough at anything to excel, to someone who did things because I enjoyed them. I had been raised in such an achievement-oriented environment, so inundated with the myth of Talent, that I thought it was only worth doing things if you could ‘win’ at them.”

Lastly... Sure, I think it is good to be humble for the most part, being grateful for what you have, what you have achieved and so on but does not mean you have to settle. It is never too late to do something so long as you're on the green side of the grass. For all we know we only get one ticket on this ride we call life so if you think it will bring you happiness take a chance. Personally, if I wanted to look back at things there's probably a lot of things I regret, like you, I wished I had took things more seriously, I wished I had been more social and took more chances and because I didn't I think it did hold me back but I don't let past bad choices dictate the remaining time I have. There are plenty of things to do in life that can bring me happiness, having the most money and the most shit isn't really one of them. Don't get me wrong I have a lot of crap but I don't have to have all of the things. I guess what I am trying to say is don't beat yourself up because you didn't do well in school or found that you didn't like something you put a lot of time into.

[soulfulriver]

While I certainly am not someone who went to an Ivy league school or anything like that I am puzzled that a school would forbid someone from going into a major they want to choose....that seems like a flawed methodology. I am sorry to hear that you were forced down a career path that you don't seem to be passionate about. Then again it is IT and people and bureaucracy often ruin it. Not sure what you do in IT but it can be a good career just depending on your interests. All in all I think we put far too much on expectations of teenagers, many kids today have no idea what they want to do or what they want out of life but we keep cramming standardized testing, aptitude tests and fligning career choices galore.

I also think experience should speak louder than grades, especially if you have been out of school for a while. I mean someone who's getting a job interview who has 15 years experience in a field related to the job, who cares what they did in college or went to college at all. You're really self-taught a lot of it anyway, especially software developers...You're really paying a school $30k a year to look shit up on StackExchange lol because you know the professor isn't going to do any of that, just that he had better had your work by whatever deadline.

Remember that talent is a pursued interest. So, chances are if it is something you like, you are likely to be more proficient at it. Also remember that do things because they interest you, not (only) because you're good at it, some advice from Kurt Vonnegut.

“When I was 15, I spent a month working on an archeological dig. I was talking to one of the archeologists one day during our lunch break and he asked those kinds of ‘getting to know you’ questions you ask young people: Do you play sports? What’s your favorite subject? And I told him, no I don’t play any sports. I do theater, I’m in choir, I play the violin and piano, I used to take art classes.
“And he went wow. That’s amazing! And I said, ‘Oh no, but I’m not any good at any of them.’
“And he said something then that I will never forget and which absolutely blew my mind because no one had ever said anything like it to me before: ‘I don’t think being good at things is the point of doing them. I think you’ve got all these wonderful experiences with different skills, and that all teaches you things and makes you an interesting person, no matter how well you do them.’
“And that honestly changed my life. Because I went from a failure, someone who hadn’t been talented enough at anything to excel, to someone who did things because I enjoyed them. I had been raised in such an achievement-oriented environment, so inundated with the myth of Talent, that I thought it was only worth doing things if you could ‘win’ at them.”

Lastly... Sure, I think it is good to be humble for the most part, being grateful for what you have, what you have achieved and so on but does not mean you have to settle. It is never too late to do something so long as you're on the green side of the grass. For all we know we only get one ticket on this ride we call life so if you think it will bring you happiness take a chance. Personally, if I wanted to look back at things there's probably a lot of things I regret, like you, I wished I had took things more seriously, I wished I had been more social and took more chances and because I didn't I think it did hold me back but I don't let past bad choices dictate the remaining time I have. There are plenty of things to do in life that can bring me happiness, having the most money and the most shit isn't really one of them. Don't get me wrong I have a lot of crap but I don't have to have all of the things. I guess what I am trying to say is don't beat yourself up because you didn't do well in school or found that you didn't like something you put a lot of time into.

Thanks for your reply @InbetweenDreams

As for IT, I like to work with databases using SQL queries and also writing Batch scripts to automate programs. However, I don't really like and also can't cope with writing advanced codes in Java, Python etc.

I think maybe I prefer working as an L1/L2 IT support rather than like a software developer.

I also like playing musical instruments like piano and guitar. But these are more of my hobbies.

[InbetweenDreams]

Thanks for your reply @InbetweenDreams

As for IT, I like to work with databases using SQL queries and also writing Batch scripts to automate programs. However, I don't really like and also can't cope with writing advanced codes in Java, Python etc.

I think maybe I prefer working as an L1/L2 IT support rather than like a software developer.

I also like playing musical instruments like piano and guitar. But these are more of my hobbies.

Well I used to deal with SQL but since switching jobs about 6 years ago I've been working in Unidata which is well, very weird if you're used to SQL as it is a multi-valued database, so relationships with tables (they just call them "files" in unidata) works very different. There have been many times where I'm like if only I could do a GROUP BY I could get what I'm looking for. I guess for me the "thrill" of it is making something difficult work, but sometimes I do run into dead ends with doing reports... I usually don't have to write code and as with anything the sky is the limit with what you can learn. That being said, nothing wrong with doing L1/L2 support, for me, I hate dealing with people, so throw me in a server room lol

[Insertnamehere]

Thank you for your reply @Insertnamehere

Actually, I'm thinking of taking a diploma in another major, instead of degree as it's more affordable for me.  I'm still paying off the loan for my first degree.

True, I'll stop comparing myself with other people. I should be thankful that I still have a job.

Thanks for your positive message.

Hugs to you 

Ah, yes, good old student loan. I feel your pain. I'll be done with mine in 2032 yaaaaaaaaaay D:

Sound like you have a plan, which is good. Maybe when this pandemic is over and the general situation improves, you can go ahead with it.

Hey, it's difficult not to do the comparison game, but it gets easier the more you try to do it. You owe to yourself to do what you need to feel happier and accomplished. It's never too late to do that .