07-16-2009, 08:12 AM
I wonder if someone can give me some advice about my situation...
A few months ago, I met a guy who seemed perfect for me, a quiet, shy guy sitting alone in the corner of a bar, and we had a very passionate affair. It was an instant, powerful attraction, and we were extremely compatible in bed. He was always a bit reluctant to talk about himself, what he got up to, etc, but that was fine, as I’m not possessive and didn’t mind where he went and who with.
After three months, I found out he’d been seeing two other men at the same time as me, and although he said he was going to be faithful to me, I got the impression that he was doing it to please me, rather than because it was what he really wanted. But I could have coped with that.
I also found out on the same day that he had posted a couple of hundred pictures of himself go-go dancing in a gay pub. The pictures are quite full-on, and he is pouring water/beer/cream all over himself in them, so that in wet pants everything is visible. I wanted so much to accept this but just couldn’t. Partly because I could never do something like that, and partly because I had by this time fallen in love with him quite seriously and found it hard to accept that he needed to do this, when we were having such an intimate relationship. We discussed it: he said it wasn’t a way of picking up other guys (it was just an artistic expression and a way for him to get over his own feelings of inadequacy), but because he exposes himself on stage to a pub full of blokes and lets them grope him, the whole thing just made me jealous. I wouldn’t have minded if he’d just got drunk and whipped his clothes off for a laugh. He doesn’t drink: the pictures are posed in such a way that the whole performance seems calculated for maximum impact. And although many men would look at him and think he looks stupid, there'll be others who are turned on, as he's a very sexy and handsome (albeit very hairy) bloke.
So I finished it with him four months ago, although I have regretted it ever since. But I don’t see how I could have continued. Knowing that men from all over the world commented on his pictures and he responded to the comments has made me think that he couldn’t be faithful to me in his mind and that I could never have been enough for him.
Anyway, the problem now is that I am left with a feeling of anxiety every time the pictures or him dancing cross my mind. I’ve seen him in town and he’s always with a new guy, kissing him. I have tried to let go of this guy but he was my physical ideal and I loved his personality (shy, intelligent, sensitive). I find the pictures/dancing intimidating, yet very erotic. How can I resolve this conflict of attraction and repulsion, of admiration and intimidation, so that I can move on from him and get on with the rest of my life? Anyone been in a similar situation? How did you feel? I'd like to know, so if it happens again (unlikely, I know), I can be prepared for it. I've never been made jealous by a guy before, but then I've never loved anyone before the way I loved him.
A few months ago, I met a guy who seemed perfect for me, a quiet, shy guy sitting alone in the corner of a bar, and we had a very passionate affair. It was an instant, powerful attraction, and we were extremely compatible in bed. He was always a bit reluctant to talk about himself, what he got up to, etc, but that was fine, as I’m not possessive and didn’t mind where he went and who with.
After three months, I found out he’d been seeing two other men at the same time as me, and although he said he was going to be faithful to me, I got the impression that he was doing it to please me, rather than because it was what he really wanted. But I could have coped with that.
I also found out on the same day that he had posted a couple of hundred pictures of himself go-go dancing in a gay pub. The pictures are quite full-on, and he is pouring water/beer/cream all over himself in them, so that in wet pants everything is visible. I wanted so much to accept this but just couldn’t. Partly because I could never do something like that, and partly because I had by this time fallen in love with him quite seriously and found it hard to accept that he needed to do this, when we were having such an intimate relationship. We discussed it: he said it wasn’t a way of picking up other guys (it was just an artistic expression and a way for him to get over his own feelings of inadequacy), but because he exposes himself on stage to a pub full of blokes and lets them grope him, the whole thing just made me jealous. I wouldn’t have minded if he’d just got drunk and whipped his clothes off for a laugh. He doesn’t drink: the pictures are posed in such a way that the whole performance seems calculated for maximum impact. And although many men would look at him and think he looks stupid, there'll be others who are turned on, as he's a very sexy and handsome (albeit very hairy) bloke.
So I finished it with him four months ago, although I have regretted it ever since. But I don’t see how I could have continued. Knowing that men from all over the world commented on his pictures and he responded to the comments has made me think that he couldn’t be faithful to me in his mind and that I could never have been enough for him.
Anyway, the problem now is that I am left with a feeling of anxiety every time the pictures or him dancing cross my mind. I’ve seen him in town and he’s always with a new guy, kissing him. I have tried to let go of this guy but he was my physical ideal and I loved his personality (shy, intelligent, sensitive). I find the pictures/dancing intimidating, yet very erotic. How can I resolve this conflict of attraction and repulsion, of admiration and intimidation, so that I can move on from him and get on with the rest of my life? Anyone been in a similar situation? How did you feel? I'd like to know, so if it happens again (unlikely, I know), I can be prepared for it. I've never been made jealous by a guy before, but then I've never loved anyone before the way I loved him.
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