How Do You Guys "Get Over It"...?

[Gay]

My 2 year relationship just came to a sudden and messy end a few weeks ago, leaving me to "move on".

Cue friends and family with well-meaning, but ultimately useless, advice, opinions and suggestions.

I took very little of it on board, because I felt none of it applied to me. I KNEW what should work for me, so I tried to stick to that. Plus, none of them were in, or had even BEEN in, a situation like I was in, thus meaning they only had an outsider's view on things. As much as I appreciate the benefit of a well-rounded perspective - inside and out - I still think the ones inside know best.

So c'mon... How do YOU deal with breakups or rejections?

Dan x

[princealbertofb]

Ok Dan, I'll make this short and chat with you to get the gist of things, but basically, I think you treat a rejection or a breakup (in any case, Gay or Straight) like a period of mourning. You wallow in self pity a bit (but not too much as it might drive your family and friends away), you accept that something has failed and died, then you start thinking of the positive elements that you have going for you and start building from there again... I hope this will help you to allow yourself to grieve. Because I think it is necessary for us to grieve when something or someone that we cared about dies.
PA

[albabonzai]

I go out and bike....i go as far away as i can....i make it as hard as i can.....and i listent to loud music as i do it. When i come home at the end of the day i forget it and just go back to trying to be the way i was before it all went bad. But everyone does things diff... but i have had a lot of practice forgetting things that are bad......

[marshlander]

to you, Gay.

I don't think time heals (and I'm not sure I personally would want it to), but it does grant distance and distance offers perspective.

May you take the good memories into your future and may the bad ones help keep you safe.

[skywriter]

Its the toughest thing i have ever gone through. I started my journey 2 months ago by seeing 3 different counselors. i wanted to work on all my issues and recreate a new life. Started exercising and walking for stress relief. Started going to the gym. Lost 25 lbs in 8 weeks. I do feel like a new person ready for the most awesome person. I've been on one date so far. Really liked the person but not sure how he feels since he hasn't really said much. Think I put to much of my heart out for sure. Still the process is not easy especially the 1st 6 weeks for me. Worst of my life but my friends and family were my support.

[fjp999]

Its the toughest thing i have ever gone through. I started my journey 2 months ago by seeing 3 different counselors.

[COLOR="Purple"]WoW, 3 counselors, were you able to find one that you liked?

Congrats to everyone who has been able to move on... for some it is too easy and for me Breaking Up Is Hard To Do [/COLOR]

[peterinmalaga]

There is always a reason for a break up and I think that how you react to it all depends on what the cause of the break up was. I agree with Marshlander to some extent. Time does not exactly heal but it does help you to cope. I would not say that breaking up is like grieving, not for me. Breaking up has advantages: you lose the problems of the old relationship, you can start anew, you have your freedom – this is not just negative. I can’t see any advantages when a friend dies. I feel sad about losing a BF but he can become a friend, possibly, and you might even get back together: I have had both of these experiences. Dead friends and dead boyfriends don’t come back, there is no good reason to die: that is what grieving is about. If you want to indulge feeling miserable for a while, why not. But don’t call it grieving and don’t fool yourself that grieving does you any good. In this instance I don’t buy into all that psycho-therapeutic crap. I think it is more helpful to look reality in the face and weigh up your options. Friends can help you do this. In the end you do this anyway.

[skywriter]

WoW, 3 counselors, were you able to find one that you liked?

Congrats to everyone who has been able to move on... for some it is too easy and for me Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

It helped a lot. It wasn't like I was seeing all 3 every week but I wanted to get different perspectives.

[rb17]

When I find my way of dealing with it I'll let you know

Right now my "routine" involves taking everything to heart and getting depressed until something shiny distracts me from my woes :tongue:

[sox-and-the-city]

The short answer is you don't. Well, not by trying, anyway. You only know you're over it when you don't enough not to think about it and that can take a long long time. Best thing to do is distract yourself with something else, shiny or otherwise.

Not that i ever follow my own advice, i always take every last detail to heart and just store it up. As a result i'm beitterly cynical and very easily hurt.