Exchanging nude photos

[Anonymous]

Want to discuss about something with you all.

Is it a must to exchange nude photos with your partner if you are in a relationship or dating?

Is it very common for most couples in this present era who are dating or in relationship to exchange nude photos or selfies of themselves (esp among gay guys)?

There is a reason why I'm mentioning this.

I'm a gay guy and I'm in my mid-thirties. I have been single all my life.

There was once whereby I met a guy in an online dating site (around 2015). 

I was interested and started to talk to him online. We chatted for around 2 months and suddenly one day, he asked me to share my nude photos to him.

I felt uncomfortable taking such photos of myself, I really didn't like it. I'm quite conservative in some ways and I don't feel good about taking such photos of myself and sharing them.

Please don't misunderstand me, I mean, yes, I will be naked if I am having sex in the future. But I just felt that taking these photos of myself was something totally different from sex.

I told him politely that I can't send him the photos. He kept asking me again and again for a few days. He gave up and eventually told me that he has started seeing another guy and stopped talking to me.

It made me feel guilty that it was my fault that he stopped talking to me.

It makes me think that it is like a "requirement" in relationships to exchange nude photos with each other.

Sometimes, I think to myself that if I forced or pressured myself and sent him my nude photos, he would still be talking to me and I would have been been in a relationship with him now.

It makes me think that I took a wrong decision back then to not send him the photos.

I just feel confused with myself. I'm just worried that me being uncomfortable with taking and sharing such photos will make it difficult for me to get into a relationship.

[InbetweenDreams]

Is it a must to exchange nude photos with your partner if you are in a relationship or dating?

It is *not* a must.

Is it very common for most couples in this present era who are dating or in relationship to exchange nude photos or selfies of themselves (esp among gay guys)?

I'd venture to say that it is more common than not, but not everyone does.

I'm a gay guy and I'm in my mid-thirties. I have been single all my life.

There was once whereby I met a guy in an online dating site (around 2015). 

I was interested and started to talk to him online. We chatted for around 2 months and suddenly one day, he asked me to share my nude photos to him.

I felt uncomfortable taking such photos of myself, I really didn't like it. I'm quite conservative in some ways and I don't feel good about taking such photos of myself and sharing them.

That's just it. If it makes you uncomfortable to share nude photos of yourself you don't have to take picture of yourself and you don't have to send it to anyone. It can be intimidating in particular to share nude photos to someone who hasn't seen you nude. There also plenty of reasons not to share such photos.

Please don't misunderstand me, I mean, yes, I will be naked if I am having sex in the future. But I just felt that taking these photos of myself was something totally different from sex.

I told him politely that I can't send him the photos. He kept asking me again and again for a few days. He gave up and eventually told me that he has started seeing another guy and stopped talking to me.

It made me feel guilty that it was my fault that he stopped talking to me.

Well, understand it is not your fault that he stopped talking to you because you wouldn't send nude photos because you were uncomfortable. Obviously he couldn't respect how you felt about doing such, so probably avoided a "dumpster fire."

It makes me think that it is like a "requirement" in relationships to exchange nude photos with each other.

Sometimes, I think to myself that if I forced or pressured myself and sent him my nude photos, he would still be talking to me and I would have been been in a relationship with him now.

It makes me think that I took a wrong decision back then to not send him the photos.

I just feel confused with myself. I'm just worried that me being uncomfortable with taking and sharing such photos will make it difficult for me to get into a relationship.

It is not a requirement to send nude photos to a guy who you barely know. I think it can be fun to send sexy photos to a guy you have been dating for a while and who you have already slept with. I think the *reason* behind why someone is asking for those photos makes a big difference in whether you might feel comfortable doing that. My thoughts is that this guy was someone you just met and probably hadn't been intimate with yet? Because, if that is the case I would be inclined to think he was wanting to check you out. The fact that he so quickly went after another guy he was probably just looking for sex and not a relationship.

While I can't speak for every gay guy in the universe, guys who are more interested in a relationship will have more interest in you as a person than sex, show some interest, guys tend to be more sexually driven, and sure sex is important but you shouldn't feel guilty about not liking the idea of taking and sending nudes to someone.

A lot of guys will get their panties in a wad because they aren't getting what they want but it does not mean you done anything wrong.

That being said, there are guys who aren't like that. I also think just telling them how you feel is the best way to go about it, say "I'm really not comfortable with doing that right now" and leave it at that. If they don't like it and don't want to talk to you anymore, oh well.

With all that being said, it is becoming more commonplace for people to normalize sending nudes and whatnot. One thing I would suggest doing should you change your mind about doing such, crop out your face, use something like snapchat which, most of the time, will only allow someone to see the image once. If they take a screenshot, you'll know they did so. But even then, there are limitations and keeping photos like that from getting out can be challenging. Since, I don't know what country you're in, having photos like that getting out can be a bigger deal than in other places, ranging from blackmail to criminal charges (yes, some places are stuck in the middle ages and being gay is still considered a crime).

Anyway, I hope this helps. I don't think you did anything wrong, you shouldn't feel guilty either.

[CellarDweller]

I have never sent out any nude images of myself to anyone, and I won't.

I've seen too many instances where an argument leads to those photos being exposed.

If the dude stopped talking to you because you wouldn't do something that made you uncomfortable, that's his issue, not yours.

[calgor]

I'll piggyback on what Chuck said. There's no reason to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. If someone makes this a requirement of having a relationship before even meeting in person the whole thing will be built on sand.

[eastofeden]

If I was in your position there would be no way I would send a nude photo AND it would be the end of the possibility of a relationship or friendship - but that is just what I would do.

The question alone would turn me off.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for your replies @InbetweenDreams, @CellarDweller, @calgor and @eastofeden.

[Bookworm]

As the others have said, it certainly isn't a requirement to be sending nude pics to anyone.

I've never taken any nude pics of myself, and certainly would never ask them of anyone else as a prerequiste to continuing our conversations. Anyone asking me for these would be told to bolt. If that doesn't please them then that's their problem, not mine.

Please don't feel guilty. The fact that you didn't take any to send him is a blessing. At the end of the day he could've been anyone, and as chuck says, who knows where they may have ended up.

[Tjemka88]

I think it's not cute at all. I have never sent anyone a nude picture of me and never will. For what? If we're dating, you're my boyfriend and you want to see a little something, you can see a little something in person. I'm not sending you anything, you can see what you want to see in person.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for your replies @Bookworm and @Tjemka88