Trouble in Paradise

[ceez]

I hate to only come here when I need advice but this is the best place for it . So I just got into my first serious relationship and everything has been going great so far, we have a lot in common and he's everything I've wanted. The only problem is sex, it's great and we're both vers, compatible sex partners however, he wants it all the freakin time. I mean usually I outlast my sex partners but for example the past couple days he's been ready as soon as I get up and will want to keep going for a few hours. I hit my climax twice and he still hasn't after hours of play and I end up going to work exhausted.

He also seems a little clingy, I went back to my place for a couple days and fell asleep waking up to a ton of text asking if I'm with someone else. I don't know who the hell has that kind of energy especially since we had sex literally all night. I need to think of a way to ask him to slow down without upsetting him

[Bhp91126]

Do not utter the words ”˜slowing down’, ”˜taking a break’, ”˜clingy’ in his presence and most definitely not over the phone or text. EVER.
Ask him why he immediately suspects you to cheat, when you don’t reply to his texts immediately. I assume the answers will be enlightening. Tell him how that feels to you. Make yourself vulnerable, tell him how much this relationship means to you, but also that you’re new at relationships and will probably make mistakes. Admit to being exhausted, admire his stamina, suggest some extended cuddles where you guys can have a heart to heart. What’s important to either of you? Assuming you’re monogamous agree on what behavior is cheating.
DON’T CHEAT!

[ceez]

@Bhp91126 I did tell him in the beginning that this is my first real relationship and that I want to take things slow. I realized that he's one of those people that can't handle being alone, I mean I was with him for four days straight and as soon as I got to work I got I miss you/love texts. He did slow down on sex but he constantly wants cuddles, which I liked at first but he's like a puppy that's starved for affection. I like him but I can't help feeling like a made a mistake.

I'm going to see how he handles not seeing me until Friday

[InbetweenDreams]

He might "grow" out of that. Being in a new relationship is a lot of fun and guys can get a little infatuated. I doubt that after 6 months...a year or whatever that he'll be acting like a puppy starved for affection. Then again some people are just like that too. So, I wouldn't throw the towel in just over that, it seems he's really likes you.

[ceez]

I don't know if it's going to work, it feels like it gets more intense everyday. He asked me to move in with him a couple days after knowing each other but I got him to agree that it's too soon, but he still wants me over everyday. Plus his apartment is pretty small so it's like when I'm there it's almost impossible to have any personal time and he works from home. I want to tell him he's asking more than what I can give, I just hope he doesn't take it the wrong way.

[InbetweenDreams]

Surely he can't be serious about you moving in with him? I mean I have known people who have done shit like that and I'm sure I can find some case where they all lived happily ever after but....no that's crazy. It does sound like you need to have a talk with him but, I know in my experience, it is a tightrope dance not sounding like a cunt.

If you're not a fan of his apartment have you invited him over to your place? Or, tell him that you'll come over after he's through with work. The other thing I wonder is if he's even aware that he's being clingy or coming off as such? I'll bet he has no idea. So I do think having a talk is the best thing to do.... Be gentle as you can though. I don't think it will work out by not saying anything especially if all these things bother you. But tell him the good and the bad, that all this is new to you and that you're playing the long game (I assume you are) and need to balance things. People that make it 40 years together aren't up each other's butts but I think his infatuation and wanting you every second of the day is just that, you're the new guy and he really likes you and probably compares you to superman mentally (figuratively speaking, it's not like he literally thinks that).

If you want to go on a GS treasure hunt, dig waaaay back in my threads. I had a HUUUUGE crush on the guy who told me about GS, super handsome, smart, had some things in common, had his shit together, very sweet. Yeah, the shoe was on the other foot. Needless to say it didn't work out for me as there was other factors, drama and so on, but I just couldn't bring it down. That being said, because I couldn't reel in my emotions doesn't mean this guy won't, he might not, but that's why communication is super important, it's important the he knows where you are and where he stands.

Anyway, gotta to get ready for work now...

[Bhp91126]

His overwhelming need for your presence indeed raises red flags. Does he have a life outside the relationship? Friends, sports or hobbies? Let him know that you need alone time for yourself and have a life outside the relationship.

[eastofeden]

I really hate to say this because I was happy for you BUT I do have to say that these are all very bad signs.

If it is going to succeed - he needs to get ahold of his insecurities and own them and find a way past them - maybe therapy might help?  He needs to understand why he is so insecure and address the underlying conditions and there is no shame in that.

I would suggest being direct and honest and telling him how you feel - but also be kind when you do it. He might not even understand it himself.

[ceez]

So, I did a bad thing but I guess it was coming anyway, I broke it off through text, didn't really mean to do it that way but he kept texting me at work and we're busy this week, which I did tell him, and I just got frustrated. He didn't understand that me working or sleeping doesn't mean I'm ignoring him. I asked him to slow down and all hell broke lose. So now I'm in the beginning of a messy break up

[InbetweenDreams]

It can be a slippery slope trying to get that across to someone, he was more than likely oblivious that he was being like that if I had to guess. However, it is something he has to learn on his own and not your problem to figure out for him. I do feel like you can kind of tell if they're going to come around or not and perhaps it is just in hindsight but it seems like we know before we know...if that makes sense.

At any rate don't feel discouraged by this whole experience. I do think all this helps us grow, because imagine not saying or doing anything being afraid of hurting him? As big of an asshole I am I worry about that stuff and goes the old saying "the road to hell is paved with good intentions." Trying to avoid hurting someone is likely to hurt them worse than dealing with whatever the problem is from the start.

In other words I think you made the right choice rather than putting up with it and finding yourself in a relationship you feel like you can't get out of. Always come back to "The Sunscreen Song" from the 90's "don't be reckless with other people's hearts and don't be reckless with your own," or something like that.