Regrets about my younger years

[Anonymous]

I would like to share about something.

There was a video which I saw in social media last year.

The video starts off by showing a teen gay couple and different shots of them cuddling and being romantic with each other.

Then it showed a gay guy A expressing his opinions.

(I think they call this snitching a video. It's like you take a part of another person's video and then you edit it by joining with your part of the video. So in this case, gay guy A snitched the video of the teen gay couple.)

A was in his late 20s - early 30s. He started off saying that he was really happy for the teen LGBT people in the current era (2020s) because they are able to get into relationships with more freedom now and that they can be in their true self and need not hide about their sexuality.

But he mentioned that while he was happy for them, he was sad that he could not be the same (being open with his sexuality and find relationship) during his teenage years. And even if it is possible for him to find a relationship now, he has regrets of not being able to experience relationship during his teenage years.

I am assuming that his teenage years were from 2005 - 2010. 

He has tears coming out from his eyes while he was talking throughout the video. I could understand his pain because I also went through the same situation as him.

I am also around the same age as him (early - mid 30s).


I am from an Asian country (the teen couple and A were from US.).

I was also in my teens from 2005 - 2010. It was definitely not easy to be open with my sexuality at that time. The society was still not open-minded back then. I was always bullied by others in school because they suspected that I was gay. They were just waiting for me to admit so that they could bully me more. I tried my best to hide my sexuality. I knew I was attracted to guys but I found it hard to accept it. I was just trying to be like a celibate during my teenage years, avoiding all dating and relationships and being single. 

I think it does have a negative effect on me. Now in my 30s, I still feel fear and not confident to go dating. 

We could say that people can still find relationship regardless of their age (teens, 20s, 30s, 40s etc.) But I somehow feel like having a relationship in teenage years is a unique experience of its own. I feel it somehow "prepares you for adult dating" and "builds the foundation for your relationship experience". Your body is young when in teens. Your blood is young when in teens. You are more virile and attractive when in your teens.

I feel regretful like I missed out a lot in life because I never dated or be in a relationship during my teenage years. I never got to experience how virility felt like in teenage years. If there is a chance for me to reset my teenage years, I will gladly do so. But I know it's a silly thing is is never going to happen.

While most people look back at their teenage years and cherish their dating and relationship memories, I could only recall the painful memories of trying to hide my true identity and lead a closeted life. 

I just feel like I have messed my whole life up.

I just miss my teenage years.

[CellarDweller]

I think a lot of gay people have experienced this.

However, you have not messed up your whole life. You are able to go out now and do things, and date, and have relationships.

You haven't messed your life up, just consider it a delayed start.

[calgor]

What you're seeing on that video is more the exception than the rule. It may not lessen the regrets you feel when seeing it but know there are millions of us who have gone thru the same thing. Even today many gay teens in the U.S. are growing up in anti-gay environments and are forced to hide their true selves. There's an old saying that today is the first day of the rest of your life. What's past is past but you can still make a future for yourself.

[CellarDweller]

What you're seeing on that video is more the exception than the rule. It may not lessen the regrets you feel when seeing it but know there are millions of us who have gone thru the same thing. Even today many gay teens in the U.S. are growing up in anti-gay environments and are forced to hide their true selves. There's an old saying that today is the first day of the rest of your life. What's past is past but you can still make a future for yourself.

This is so well said, thanks Calgor!

[InbetweenDreams]

I can tell you that I understand how you feel. I missed out on a lot of things when I was a teenager. I had bad social anxiety. I could have been on the football team when I first moved to NC, but I chickened out to be honest. I missed every school dance, prom. I didn't have any relationship to speak of the vast majority of the time I was a teenager.

Nostalgia is a slippery slope. Don't let it fool you in that you've somehow arrived too late. All the worry and the lack of confidence are things in which you feel but aren't rooted in the reality. There's an old saying, you miss all the shots you don't take. Understand that most people have regrets, we all wish we had done something different, we all make mistakes. I can tell you now that I wish I hadn't done so much stupid stuff with money. I could have literally bought a house with all the money I pissed away on stuff.

I do agree that LGBTQ people today have it much better than previous generations did when it comes to dating and being accepted....for the most part. There are still battles to be won and there is still discrimination and bullying that takes place.

That being said, we had had discussions on a variety of topics before and the overall answer remains the same. There is nothing wrong with you as a person, yes you have perhaps anxiety and self-confidence issues to work out. It is important for you to understand and know that you hold the answer. You can overcome your lack of self-confidence, you can overcome social anxiety and you can seek a relationship with someone. Take baby steps, change doesn't come overnight or with ease.

[Anonymous]

I feel you. Sometimes I feel frustrated and robbed of my youth. Then I remember that as a teenager I was a nerd with a small circle of friends who was so timid, that the chances of a relationship with a guy were so minimal. There wasn't exactly a million gay guys in my class and despite things being better I'm still sure it's not so easy to find a male date for the prom. It's easy to think what if about that past because it's gone. I feel grateful I could come out in my twenties, late teens, vs the generations who hid in secret until age 50s / 60s.

[InbetweenDreams]

One thing to keep in mind is not to rob yourself of the present by focusing on the past. But yes, I was lucky that I was able to come out and that I had parents who were supportive and didn't kick me out on the street. There's no way in the early 2000's that I could have had a male date to anything, likewise, I also wasn't out of the closet.

It is easy to sit around and sulk about the past and how things could have been better. Likewise you can't change the past but you can change your future.

[Tetrark]

Well personally i really ashamed that i have been hidden my orientation when i was young, not like these days at all, when i'm tired of all of those stereotypes and just live my life

[LordMasterUniversal]

I discovered that comments on this post are restricted. I just now saw that I'm no longer blocked. That made me suspicious about the whole site. What's the crime about posting something honest?

Just saw that proven again. Questionable at best.

[Scruff Bunch]

I discovered that comments on this post are restricted. I just now saw that I'm no longer blocked. That made me suspicious about the whole site. What's the crime about posting something honest?

Just saw that proven again. Questionable at best.

This site has always functioned that way. I think it is to discourage spam or something?