Not a Top or a Bottom, but a Side

[Scruff Bunch]

Anyone else identify as a Side - that is, someone who does not like anal penetration?

Yesterday in the sauna a guy questioned how I can identify as gay if I do not like or engage in anal penetration?

Anyone else experienced this bewildering misunderstanding of what defines sexuality?

[CellarDweller]

I have not, but I know other guys who are not into anal, and identify as gay.

a 'side'? that's a new one for me.

[Scruff Bunch]

I have not, but I know other guys who are not into anal, and identify as gay.

a 'side'?  that's a new one for me.

Yeah it's just prepositional label I guess, like top and bottom. Side "activities" refer to foreplay, oral sex, and fetish sex.

[InbetweenDreams]

Of course, heck I didn't understand a lot things like that for quite some time too. I used to be really apprehensive about anal, specifically bottoming. I think the whole top and bottom can make some folks feel like they have to be one or the other and just that fact alone has probably caused a lot of people grief and all sorts of trouble in relationships because once again we turn to society to tell us how we supposed to be gay too lol. There's so so much to intimacy and the large canvas that sex is....

[Scruff Bunch]

Of course, heck I didn't understand a lot things like that for quite some time too. I used to be really apprehensive about anal, specifically bottoming. I think the whole top and bottom can make some folks feel like they have to be one or the other and just that fact alone has probably caused a lot of people grief and all sorts of trouble in relationships because once again we turn to society to tell us how we supposed to be gay too lol. There's so so much to intimacy and the large canvas that sex is....

Indeed. This narrowing and reducing of what men are - floating arseholes for anal sex. If anything, these people deserve sympathy because they are probably missing out on the rest of the male body and the things you can do with it.

[InbetweenDreams]

Hopefully with more acceptance, perhaps the subject of sex will be less taboo over time... Kind of hard to tell which way the pendulum is swinging sometimes.

[Scruff Bunch]

Hopefully with more acceptance, perhaps the subject of sex will be less taboo over time... Kind of hard to tell which way the pendulum is swinging sometimes.

I don't know... I feel like it is become more taboo in some ways.

Talking to another guy the other day at the sauna, we both agreed that, years ago, the "top/bottom" thing did not use to be an issue. It was hardly ever brought up. It seems to be a bigger issue in more recent times. I never used to get asked if I am top or bottom.

Also, to use the word taboo; I think with people being more open about their fetishes (feet, etc.) people seem to then think they can just go saying things on Grindr like "You're cute, and so is your dog. Can I fuck your dog?"... which is more taboo. And sick.

[InbetweenDreams]

I have seen some crazy shit on Grindr and people being very forward but I've not heard anything quite that bad.

Not sure about the fetish stuff. I have to feel pretty comfortable with someone. I also think a lot of people aren't very good tops which for an inexperienced bottom can make it very painful. That turned out to be my case. Just need to meet the right person.

[anshrana]

a 'side'? that's a new one for me.

[Catnip]

I've Not heard that one before ! ... but that's probably due to my ignorance ... Personaly i've never been into Anal as i find the more "Sensual" side of Love making preferable (so that makes me a Side by definition ... i think) ... at least it would if i could get any ! .