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Caught my husband sexting
Hey all, 

I’m new here but needing to get some advice to calm myself down.  A week and a half ago, I found out that my husband has been sexting guys with text, pics and videos for the entire 5 years of our relationship. It’s never been physical, only digital. It’s been multiple guys a week and some have been with guys who he previously knew from before we were together.  Once I confronted him, he admitted that he has an addiction to this and has tried quitting. After reading so many of the messages and seeing what and how it was sent.   I recognize that it’s really a problem and he has been attending SAA meeting and seeing a therapist.  We have been working through this and I do want to make it work.  

He’s currently gone in Las Vegas and has been since Wednesday for work and comes home tomorrow.   I know he will not do anything physical with anyone but I just keep replaying everything I read and saw, just thinking it’s going to happen again.  He’s promised me that he is doing anything and everything to make this right with me. 

My biggest issue is that I’m just struggling with the lack of his trust now and I can’t get this out of my head for even the slightest minute.  

Any advice on how I can grow and move past this?



I would say firstly that your feelings are valid as a reaction to what happened, the fact you want to move past them is a good sign.

Communication is key here, I think it’s worth having a really open and honest conversation with your husband about how it’s made you feel, but emphasising how you want to move past it and you will support him. From his side, it could be easy to slip back into these things so knowing he had your support and knowing you are open to communication will help.

Maybe ask him if there is anything you two could explore together sex-wise that would help.

As with everything, time is a healer so just take each day as it comes. Plus make sure to devote some time to yourself and your own individual interests or hobbies, and spend time with family/friends - distract yourself from focusing on this.

Wish you both all the best.
Gossip is the Devil’s telephone; best just to hang up.
[-] The following 1 member Likes IanSaysHi's post:
  • Exrowerguy

I agree.
You should be open and communicate your feelings to your partner. Ask him why and tell him how it may make you feel.
Be open and non-judgemental because you may not like his response as to the why...
Getting beyond it may be awhile...
[-] The following 1 member Likes skylerpenny1's post:
  • Exrowerguy

I think it is very good that your partner has been open and honest and putting effort towards getting better. It would seem that your partner very much cares about your and your relationship (otherwise he simply wouldn't be doing any of it, right?), so that's good. I certainly am not expert but I do think it is going to be a really hard addiction to move from. I mean we're all gay, we all know there's a lot of eye candy and the only way out is through self control, which is difficult to deal with and can be more so at other times. Say someone has a drink, might be more likely to do stupid stuff. I do think with therapy he can change his behavior. That being said, forgiveness can be powerful and assuming everything in your post is how it is, this will be something you two will move on and grow from. Hang in there, be kind to yourself and your partner and vice versa and I do hope you two come out stronger in the end.
"I’m not expecting to grow flowers in a desert, but I can live and breathe and see the sun in wintertime"
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[-] The following 2 members Like InbetweenDreams's post:
  • ChadCoxRox, Exrowerguy

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