I don't understand myself I need an opinion, even if brutal.

[monsterandco]

I will try to write as short as I can, isn't easy. I'm orthodox born ex Urss country, that's important for understanding my story. I got in loe with this boy from the country I'm living right now since I was toddler, a south european country, when I was twenty years old (I'm 30 now). I always was straight, it was the first time who I ever felt something for a boy and he didn't wanted me and he was so easygoing. Then he went in depression for some of his problems and I was with him. But, when things went better, I went away for work and I need to tell you the truth that I ghosted him and I don't know why maybe because was easier. I also need to be honest, I always was posting something for him on my socials bu never contact him directly. When we were together they were amazing 5 years of pure love. Now he got his life. But yesterday we were at the same event and I knew he was here. So, I don't know why, I started to do something just for being see from him... I don't know what to do now, I miss him. As I know he is always dating someone, always a new boy. I just need your opinion.

Do I deserve his hate?

During our love story I was always in the border between my religion and my love story, I felt it as a sin but I was damn in love and tbh I still love him... or I don't love him? I don't k
now.

[InbetweenDreams]

I understand that English is not your first language. I will try to do my best to understand. I'm sure knowing or seeing him at an event has probably stirred up a lot of memories and probably has you feeling all kinds of ways. It is probably best to keep moving forward and look at dating other people. It is unfortunate that things played out the way they did. When it comes to religion, well, I can say you're not the first person to be at odds between life and religion. There's plenty of reading on here from others who have gone through their religious or spiritual journey.