Your Horoscope for today...

[andy]

Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Good day to excavate. You will find the ruins of an ancient civilization, and become famous.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
High winds today. Good day to try out your new cement kite!

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Today you will banish fear. It will stomp off in a huff.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Time to stop beating around the bush. Beat the bush itself. Give it a good thrashing, and say "bad bush!" in a loud stern tone.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will be detained by the police today, on suspicion of having removed a tag from a mattress. Eventually they will let you go with just a warning.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You are about to have an unfortunate episode involving insects, grape Kool-Aide, and a revolving door.

Libra (September 23 - October 22)
To your vast embarrassment, you will be unable to describe the differences between halibut, sole, and flounder. It's easy to remember, though -- they are (in order) "big", "small", and "clumsy".

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Today you will finally get around to exercising! Your cat will look at you like you've gone completely wacky. Don't be intimidated, though -- at least you never get distracted and forget that you're holding your leg up behind your head.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Rhubarb pie is the only antidote for your ailment. Trust me on this one. Also, someone's been teasing your cat.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
What you need, mainly, is computerized shoes. Try to get the ones with the built-in serial port, so you can download a different average speed and average daily distance, to impress people. And you might as well get the ambient temperature readout, GPS, and pager options while you're at it.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will vow to always tell the truth, but it will backfire on you. Most people find that kind of behavior highly suspicious, and more than a little deviant.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
This is a good time for you to start your on-line loan shark business. Start small, though. Try to be sort of a "loan piranha", at first.

[Mark]

I dislike rhubarb pie

[Mark]

Through a close companion or very good friend, an introduction may be made. This could put you on path to an offer to be made later this week. As if the cosmos is playing a trick, watch how many times you're asked for directions. Could this be the cosmos' way of asking you if you know where you're headed? Air sign people may be most interested in the answer.

My horoscope for tomorrow :eek:!

[CurtCB]

I disagree. My cat has seen it all and is never shocked by anything I do.

[albabonzai]

THE POLICE NEVER CUAGHT UP WITH ME :p MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAH

BRB my door bell just rang....

OHH CRAP, i gotta go down to the station, they caught me....

[CardShark]

It is not always easy to get the right perspective on your life -- especially right now, when things might feel a bit up in the air. But don't let unknown variables add too much stress to this current situation. Today you will have time to take a step back and let go of the idea that you have to control every little detail. Listen to other people and ask them for ideas when they tell you to take it easy. They might suggest something that sparks your creativity in an exciting new way.

Mine lied today, as it does a lot of days .

[yar]

Thank you Andy found it very entertaining.

[Mark]

:l Andy why have you not updated this daily :mad:

[CardShark]

There's a section in your profile if you put in your DAB it will show your horoscope .

Yours is:
Daily Sagittarius horoscopes