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09-13-2009, 08:42 PM

I've finally just come to terms with my sexuality and don't know what to do now. My parents are both VERY religious and would kick me out in a heartbeat if they knew i was gay. I want to be with a man sooo bad but I would also really prefer to not be disowned. Any advice please?

09-13-2009, 10:45 PM

This kind of story makes me angry and sad. I don't think I'll ever understand parents who would throw their offspring out through sheer, blind prejudice. Living in the closet puts pressure on you, but while you are living under their roof it might help keep the peace if you carry on as you are. Are you able to get a place of your own? There is a school of thought that suggests they should learn to deal with the real world, another that it's none of their business although, when you have a boyfriend might be a time when you will need to come out.

I don't envy you the walking on eggshells bit. Good luck.

fredv3b · 09-13-2009, 11:01 PM

closet coffee guy Wrote:My parents are both VERY religious and would kick me out in a heartbeat if they knew i was gay.

Difficult to give advice without knowing more about the situation e.g. how old are you? However do you really think they would find it that easy to throw you out?

09-13-2009, 11:20 PM

currently I'm 20, turning 21 soon. however at this point i'm in no position to move out unfortunately. I would love nothing more than to share a place with another man. I've finally just stopped denying my sexuality and my current thoughts are scrambled as hell...i dunno where to start and my parents only add to the trouble

09-14-2009, 09:37 AM

It's probably not what you want to hear, but if you really think they'd kick you out; I'd probably not tell them until you felt you were in a position to move out should they kick you out.

But at the same time, are you sure they'd be against it? A lot of christians - even strict ones - are starting to become more acceptant of homosexuality. It might be a stupid question, but do you know their views on the subject? They might not be as bad as you think, if you haven't already maybe you should test the water and see how they react?

Don't involve yourself with it, but maybe just find a news article about a gay guy - or something xD - and talk to them about it. See if they're normal or weird about it.

09-14-2009, 01:20 PM

I know that some Christians are more accepting nowadays but strict Christians? The Pope and the Archbishop of Canterbury do not give a lot of reason to be optimistic. The Pope finds it easy enough to reconcile his conscience with his membership of the Hitler Youth and the Archbishop of Canterbury is quite accepting of sharia law courts in the UK. But both find homosexuality much more of a problem. You know your parents and I feel fairly sure you know what their reaction would be. And probably sexual matters are not what they normally talk about round the dinner table or anywhere else. We all know what people mean when they say, ”I have this friend who is gay and …..” But you have survived in your parents’ house for more than 20 years now. You know the rules of the game. You say “Yes, I agree” and look down at your dinner. This is not being hypocritical: they are the hypocritical ones.
So you have a problem but not one that you cannot cope with for a little bit longer. The last thing you need now is to become homeless as well. So be a good boy at home and book a flight to Ibiza for next summer's holidays. After all the best way to learn Spanish is between the sheets! And don’t forget to pack some condoms.
I’m sorry if I sound cynical. I sincerely wish you lots of luck.

09-14-2009, 02:23 PM

From what you have said, your parents religious beliefs seem to be stronger then their love for you. If they can not accept you as a gay person then you have to decide what it best for you. If you want to live the way you want to, you need to move on. Leave home, find a place, move in with someone or find a job with accommodation. Stay in the closet until you can get out, saves a lot of grief to all parties. Just hang in there mate and I hope it works out for you

09-14-2009, 03:25 PM

thanks everybody for all the advice, it is incredibly helpful. it seems i have no choice but to stay in the closet for the time being =/ until i can move out on my own i need their support. i would really like to have a relationship started before moving in with somebody though and i would feel terrible having to keep him a secret. is that unfair/uncommon?

09-14-2009, 03:50 PM

Glad we could help, its going to be tough on you to keep the peace. Regarding finding someone, you don't have to keep him hidden away from your folks, just acted like good friends around them. Good luck mate.

09-14-2009, 04:34 PM

closet coffee guy Wrote:... i would really like to have a relationship started before moving in with somebody though and i would feel terrible having to keep him a secret. is that unfair/uncommon?

It may not be as common as it once was, but it is unfair on the other person. PA and I were together for a while before he was able to talk to his mother and I know how I felt ... specially since it had already taken such a personal toll on me to come crashing out of the closet, taking the door off its hinges and making a hole in the wall, in middle age :redface:

Of course it makes sense to have something going before you decide to move in with a partner, but there are other living arrangements too ... I realise your expression may be borne of desperation, but be a bit wary that your preoccupation with a need for the partner doesn't blind you to the possibilities of other sorts of relationships, including friendships.

All the best Remybussi