Bf turns me down for sex

[Manchester0908]

Hi 

Bf of 1 year turns me down for sex quite regularly. We have talked about it and he says he still fancies me etc and I just have a higher sex drive than he does. It just feels different than it once did, although I’m very open to keeping things interesting he just doesn’t seem that bothered about it anymore. I don’t mind the odd bit of rejection and appreciate that sometimes things get in the way or it’s just timing thing . I’m determined not to give up trying but feel like it’s always me that initiates it and I’m starting to feel a bit inadequate and worry that I’m pestering him.

[andy]

That sounds really frustrating, and I completely get why you’d be feeling this way. You clearly care about keeping the spark alive, but when it feels like you’re always the one making the effort, it’s bound to feel a bit disheartening. You’re definitely not alone in this — lots of couples go through phases where their sex drives don’t quite match up, and it can be tough to navigate.

The fact that he’s reassured you that he’s still attracted to you is a good sign, but I get that words can only go so far when his actions don’t fully reflect that. Have you noticed whether he’s still affectionate in other ways — like cuddling, kissing, or making time for you? Sometimes, when physical intimacy shifts, people express love differently without even realising it. Maybe having a conversation about what makes you feel wanted and appreciated could help him see things from your perspective.

It’s also worth considering whether anything else could be affecting his libido — stress, health, or even just where he’s at emotionally in the relationship. If he’s feeling any pressure (even unintentionally), it might be making him withdraw rather than engage. Instead of worrying about whether you’re pestering him, maybe frame it as wanting to find a balance that works for both of you — it’s about understanding each other, not pushing him into something he’s not ready for.

Would you be open to exploring ways to reconnect outside of sex? Sometimes, deepening emotional intimacy naturally brings back the physical side, too. But whatever happens, don’t let this situation make you question your own worth — you deserve to feel wanted, just as much as he does.