Screaming sex

[gaygay33]

It's not like I'm 18 or anything, I'm 33!! and don't know what I am as in top or bottom.

I haven't had real sex (as in sexual intercourse) in a long time, probably 5 or 6 years. I don't think I'm a top because if I'm making out I don't EVER make the first move and I don't hit on people.

I don't like being the one who's in control of making out. But yet I don't like to call myself submissive. For instance, if I was making out with someone, I don't like to be the one who's on top of the person, I like being on the bed and having them on top of me, unless of course they weigh 400 pounds or something like that.

I've only topped twice and hated every minute of it. Maybe because one time he sat on my d--k, and the other time I just felt weird.

I think I like being a bottom but it HURTS like nothing I've ever felt before. I've bottomed a few times and I think I like it but is it supposed to feel like someone is pushing a pole up your butt ? I even used lube and I killed like crazy

I am kind of loud when I get f---d not because I want to but because it hurts badly. I wasn't screaming or anything but wanted to and I couldn't wait till it was over. Right now I have a desire to get f---d but I'd like to wait until I like someone and they like me but I'm terrified of it.

So does anyone else have the same problem as me and how did you solve it? I don't want to stick a dildo up my butt either. So I'm wondering what I'm doing wrong?

[curt-88]

Hey you wont know what you like till you try it a few times. I would suggest alot of lube maybe getting a toy and practising with it and just take it really slow.

[marshlander]

What a pity, it sounds like utter torture! Some of us have been a lot older than you before we discovered that it can be pleasurable :redface:

What worked for me was a lot of time given over to some extra self-loving homework and trying out different lubes. It sometimes takes a while to locate the pleasure centres and don't expect to get over your fears in a single session. The thing is, if you know you can accomodate an anatomically recognisable version of a big cock, you only need a considerate partner to help you reach a happy conclusion. I didn't much care for using toys either at first (in my day they were very poorly engineered!), but it helped to use a condom on the dildo.

[princealbertofb]

I think Marsh is right about doing some self exploring first... using whatever you think you might enjoy. It may feel weird but in the long run, it's a question of getting used to having something up your rectum and eventually enjoying it. It doesn't sound normal for you to have been in such pain. Some people are tighter than others, I'm sure, and maybe they can't easily accomodate a member that's too big and certainly they can't take it when they've started hurting.

It sounds like your previous partner(s) did not take enough time to make sure you weren't suffering, and that you'd had time to adjust.

This is also all about breathing. So next time you try to put something in your anus, make sure there is enough lube and also breathe properly. Some say you ought to push your sphincters out like when you go to the toilet in order to insert something more easily. I daresay it works pretty well, once the two sphincters have become accustomed to the size of the "intruder".

I believe there are also certain positions that can be more painful, at first, than others, so maybe you need to find positions in which you are in control of how fast and how much of your partner goes into you. Sitting on top is supposed to be good for that purpose. Try it. And don't worry about trying out a dildo.

Some of the pain may have also been caused by the latex of the condom if you were using one... in which case you might be allergic to latex (a common thing in fact) or not using enough lubrication.

[gaygay33]

Wow you guys sounds like experts :redface:

I will try that. I've never used a dildo before. Also, I like big ones but don't we all? It's not that I have anything against small ones or anything.

BTW On the profile section what is considered large? I was confused if I should have put average or large, mine is 7.5 and it's cut and thick.

I know this is weird but I think I have to try to enjoy sex more. I feel very odd having sex or even taking my clothes off. Sometimes I wonder if it has to do with past events. I was m*l*s*t*d when I was 8-12 or till 14 I try to forget about it and when I was 22 I was r*p*d by 2 guys.

I don't trust people when it comes to sex. It's been so long ago so I don't know what's wrong with me. I do enjoy sex but many times feel awkward. Maybe Dr. Ruth could help me but is she still alive? Or that other doctor.

I don't know how much you're allowed to say on this forum so if i went to far let me know. :confused:

[princealbertofb]

No, it's alright to write molested and to write raped... but they are difficult words to write when it comes to admitting it. That's the first thing I'd have told you. Once you've admitted to yourself that you were molested and raped, then you can start the healing process. You've also got to accept that it wasn't YOUR fault and that the rapists, molestors were the guilty parties. Not you! You know, it would be good if you could just enjoy the other parts of sex before you bottomed or topped again... Just enjoy having oral sex, kissing, cuddling... etc. Once you are at ease with your body and the other guy's body, then maybe you can consider other practices... You don't have to jump into anal sex just because that's what gay guys (sometimes) do. I fear that you've closed yourself to enjoying that part of the relationship because you've been hurt before, so you need to start loving yourself again sufficiently, so you can love someone else and let them love you the way you deserve, ie non violently and with tenderness... (or whatever degree of roughness you'll be able to stand then). Good luck with the new you.

[marshlander]

Wow you guys sounds like experts :redface:

Not experts, but we enjoy finding out what each enjoys ... we're also quite old

I will try that. I've never used a dildo before. Also, I like big ones but don't we all? It's not that I have anything against small ones or anything.

Prefer? in what way? If you are having trouble accommodating something larger it may be better to begin more modestly and work your way up (I wonder if an enterprising manufacturer has designed a nest of dildos ... ... matryc*ckshka ... but would that be a contrad*cktion?

BTW On the profile section what is considered large? I was confused if I should have put average or large, mine is 7.5 and it's cut and thick.

Now you are boasting. Many men would be very happy to be on the receiving end of such a gift.

I know this is weird but I think I have to try to enjoy sex more. I feel very odd having sex or even taking my clothes off. Sometimes I wonder if it has to do with past events. I was m*l*s*t*d when I was 8-12 or till 14 I try to forget about it and when I was 22 I was r*p*d by 2 guys.

If you had these experiences when you were younger no wonder you are having problems now, specially if all you've done is try to forget about it. Give yourself a break! Some people do manage to deal with unpleasant memories without help, but others heal more quickly from supportive intervention and some talk therapy, even many years after the events.

I don't trust people when it comes to sex. It's been so long ago so I don't know what's wrong with me. I do enjoy sex but many times feel awkward. Maybe Dr. Ruth could help me but is she still alive? Or that other doctor.

I don't know how much you're allowed to say on this forum so if i went to far let me know. :confused:

Many of us are suspicious. We sometimes also have to work quite hard to earn trust. Caution is not a bad thing, but if it is interfering with your ability to form the kind of relationships you would really like to have then maybe you might consider getting some support?

Good luck

[sox-and-the-city]

Wow you guys sounds like experts :redface:

I will try that. I've never used a dildo before. Also, I like big ones but don't we all? It's not that I have anything against small ones or anything.

BTW On the profile section what is considered large? I was confused if I should have put average or large, mine is 7.5 and it's cut and thick.

I know this is weird but I think I have to try to enjoy sex more. I feel very odd having sex or even taking my clothes off. Sometimes I wonder if it has to do with past events. I was m*l*s*t*d when I was 8-12 or till 14 I try to forget about it and when I was 22 I was r*p*d by 2 guys.

I don't trust people when it comes to sex. It's been so long ago so I don't know what's wrong with me. I do enjoy sex but many times feel awkward. Maybe Dr. Ruth could help me but is she still alive? Or that other doctor.

I don't know how much you're allowed to say on this forum so if i went to far let me know. :confused:

If you need someone who's been through similar things to talk to, hit me up. Without going into too many details here, i managed to move on, but i didn't exactly go about it in a sensible way.

I'm always here, though. Sometimes sharing experiences is the kickstart you need to begin to move on.