Finally Took The Steps

[mikey12561]

Well I myself have been out an open for about 6 years now. Out of the 6 years only 4 have been really open to family. My mom took it hard and my dad he was okay with it.

Well Out the whole 6 years there was one person I didn't tell and that was my Grandmother. I never seem to get the courage to do it. I knew if I told her I would get told by her that I was living in sin and many other things.

Well she sent me a letter going on about how much I have to get in with God and many things. I wrote a letter back telling her how I felt how I was put behind when it came to the family. My brother got everything while I got nothing. I was hoping that if I tell her I'm gay maybe she will notice I exist. So I told her in the letter that for the last 6 years I've been wanting to tell you something but I can't because I will get ridiculed and giving a lecture of my life. She then writes another letter telling me she knew what it was and that she refuses to accept it. I was heartbroken.

I don't know what to do now. I ended up talking to my mom and got in an argurment with her over it because she tells me that they all love me. I told her you may say that but its meaningless until you tell me that you accept me for who I am and that this isn't a lifestyle or a choice but a part of me. She didn't care. She pushed it away. So I ended up telling her to never call me or contact me until you can accept me and that includes Grandma. Well this pass Saturday the whole family was supposed to come and meet up to see my older brother who is on leave from the Navy and not a single one called to tell me they accept me. Not one. All I wanted was the chance for them to see that I'm still me and that my love of my life is not different.

I'm all out of hope. I don't know what to do now. I mean I'm out of the Closet but this step makes me feel like I'm back into the closet. Its painful thats what it is.

[closet coffee guy]

Wow, that's really sad to hear. how can some people be so blind?? I'm not out to my family and i don't plan on my grandmother knowing cuz i'm sure she's the same way. it's really sad how people have to hide who they are due to other peoples incompitence. My best wishes

[mikey12561]

Wow, that's really sad to hear. how can some people be so blind?? I'm not out to my family and i don't plan on my grandmother knowing cuz i'm sure she's the same way. it's really sad how people have to hide who they are due to other peoples incompitence. My best wishes

Thank you for that. I just don't understand is the thing. Her being a Christian she should understand herself that she isn't the most perfect person in the world and that she isn't the judge but God himself. Thats why I'm confused.

[marshlander]

That's the trouble with the newer forms of Christianity. They are so adaptable to the prejudices of the believer.

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds like you gave them an ultimatum and they called you on it. Unless you are prepared to apologise for cutting them off, even if you feel it was right to do it, you may have a while to wait before they come back to you.

Very best wishes to you in this rather desolate time. Unless you feel able to make overtures yourself towards repairing the rift you may need to put this behind you for the time being and get on with the other things happening your life. Easy for me to say, I know.

[mikey12561]

That's the trouble with the newer forms of Christianity. They are so adaptable to the prejudices of the believer.

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds like you gave them an ultimatum and they called you on it. Unless you are prepared to apologise for cutting them off, even if you feel it was right to do it, you may have a while to wait before they come back to you.

Very best wishes to you in this rather desolate time. Unless you feel able to make overtures yourself towards repairing the rift you may need to put this behind you for the time being and get on with the other things happening your life. Easy for me to say, I know.

Thank you. Honestly I'm not willing to be sorry. I don't feel like i'm in the wrong here. If they want me part of there family then they simply need to accept me. I know that its a dream right now but you know hopefully this time they mean business. I blocked all of them on facebook and left them on the phone and they are more then welcome to come to my house and talk but until then I have nothing to do with them.

I feel this is the only way for them to understand who I am. I just need to know how to deal with the hurt that I'm gonna suffer along this proccess.

[marshlander]

... I just need to know how to deal with the hurt that I'm gonna suffer along this proccess.

I wish I knew what to advise. I just hope it is not too painful for too long. What works better than anything for me is a hug. May you realise the route to your own salvation soon.

Good luck.

[mikey12561]

I wish I knew what to advise. I just hope it is not too painful for too long. What works better than anything for me is a hug. May you realise the route to your own salvation soon.

Good luck.

Thank You.

[Rychard the Lionheart]

It is always sad when parents and grandparents can not accept their son or grandson is gay. Your grandmother's generation was brought up to regard gay people as sinners, she probably feels that you have betrayed the family. You have not, you have only decided to live your life the way you want to.

Since your dad is OK with you being gay, try and work with him at finding ways in which you can be part of your family again. Because your older brother is in the navy, which the family is naturally proud of, has left you out in the cold.

Start building a life for youself and enjoy it. You have given your family the chance to accept you as you are, it is now their turn to decide.

Sorry, no great words of wisdom but hope it help.

Good luck mate.

[fjp999]

[COLOR="Purple"]I think that you should give your family some time.

As marsh has said, you gave them an ultimatum and now you have to live with that condition. Of course, you are correct and your family should come around eventually. I believe that most families really do have that unconditional love and that you should not give up so early.

Congrats on coming out to everyone, that takes a strong will. And best of luck with your family.

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[peterinmalaga]

You are so courageous and I admire you so much. In time some (or all) of your family may accept you. I hope they do. My brother was the one who could not accept me and I have never seen him since. I do not regret this at all. However my brother's daughter has been wonderful in her support for me and my sister has been great too. Is there nobody in your family who might accept you? It doesn't have to be someone close to you: the closeness could come through the mutual respect between the two of you. You say your Dad was "okay"Do you mean OK, as in supportive or OK, as in "not quite so hostile"? Ask your gran and your mum if they can die happy in the knowledge that they harbour this hatred and rejection in their heart. Send them a copy of the movie “Prayers for Bobby” for Christmas: if that does not move them, they are a really hopeless case.

If there is absolutely nobody in the wider family who will accept you for the time being, then you must find yourself another family. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could choose our family? Well, we can! Your boyfriend's family can be yours too. Or you can build a family out of friends, gay and straight. Of course we all love you here but you need more than a “virtual” family and it will take a little time to find the right people. But you will do it and they will be better than the people who are now hurting you.

Lots of love and virtual hugs.

Peter

PS I am a Leo too. We are stubborn buggers aren't we? But we get there in the end!