I'm just unsure

[AtheistHamasexual]

I am still rather young and pretty inexperienced when it comes to dating. I came out my freshman year in high school and automatically had this idea that I would find a guy and fall in love (as do most young and immature people lol) but very quickly I started getting taken advantage of over and over again by guys, and I would think well if I don't fool around with them then there is no chance they would ever give me a chance. So I did fool around with a lot of guys and I regretted it every time but I just wasn't smart enough yet to know better. Towards the end of my junior year I finally realized that after all that time, getting used over and over again, and only having one guy treat me nicely (we are still good friends ) I knew I had to do something so I decided that until I matured I shouldn't seek a relationship of any kind. So I was celabit up until august of this year but I still haven't gotten back to trying to date cause I really don't know how to start and although I have matured a great deal I am still a little scared that I will just get hurt again. I know that there is pain no matter what but I don't want that to be all there is.

Any advice will be appreciated

[libertylove4]

Hello Atheist and welcome to the forum

I came out my senior year of high school and ended up getting used by guys too, I wanted that same love story that everyone gets in the movies and it still has eluded me. I haven't ever dated but I still leave myself open to it. What I think it that you need to leave yourself open and approachable. You will know which guys want to sleep with you and which guys want to get to know you. Good luck on the dating circuit, I don't have much advice on the subject but I hope I helped, if only a little.

p.s. I noticed your from Kalamazoo, I'm going to be transfering to Western Michigan University soon and I want to know what the town is like (people, nightlife, weather, shopping, etc...).

[peterinmalaga]

You say you were a bit naïve when you first came out and you have not met Mr. Right yet. But wait a minute, you are still 18. At 18 I was very definitely bisexual, now I am gay. I have 2 heterosexual sons and I know that at 18 they were not thinking of getting married and were not at all concerned that they had not yet found the great love of their lives. So why are you in such a hurry? I also know that my sons were having sex with girls at that age, which I would think is normal. At 18 you are at your physical best. It's all downhill from here, I'm afraid. But you don't have the experience to choose a life partner at that age. You need experience of every sort, short-term relationships, friendships, sex, managing money, combining work and a leisure life – everything – before you are ready for a proper relationship. You say you fooled around with guys and then regretted it. Well, we learn by making mistakes and we keep making mistakes until we get it right. That too is a normal part of life. Why should you regret that? My first thought when I read your post was that you were one of these religious Americans who want to be a virgin when they marry. Then I saw that you call yourself AtheistHamasexual, so I guess I was wrong on that score. I am very pleased to say that my sons were not virgins when they made a commitment to their partners and their partners were not virgins either. Entering a long-term relationship as a virgin is a recipe for disaster. You need to make your mistakes before you get hitched. There is something far worse than getting used in this life and that is never getting used. You are obviously an attractive young man. I hope that “getting used” does not mean “getting raped” in your case. Maybe you need to be a bit more assertive when things start to get sexual, maybe a lot more assertive. But I do hope that you will be able to enjoy sex without worrying about whether you are getting “used” or not. Some people are happy to have sex without any thought of commitment. That's fine. If I read you correctly, that is not for you. That's fine too. There is also a third option and that is sex without commitment now and sex with commitment later. That seems a better option to me at your age but if it's not what you want, tell them so and keep telling them until they realize you're serious. I am sure you will sort this out in your own way soon and I am also sure that your Mr Right will turn up one day.

[marshlander]

Seconded!

Welcome, by the way

[fredv3b]

Just a few thoughts of my own..

I would think well if I don't fool around with them then there is no chance they would ever give me a chance.

One, of many, nice things about nice guys is that is not true about them.

Entering a long-term relationship as a virgin is a recipe for disaster.

I managed to get away with it, but I would agree that in general it is not to be recommended.

I would also like to point out that there is something in between a committed long-term relationship and a commitment-free casual one. You can be committed, monogamous, etc. with a guy in the short-term, but leaving the longer-term future open, depending on how lift goes.

[AtheistHamasexual]

Thanks to all of you for replying. I know I am still very young but I would like to start dating, I didn't mean to sound like I wanted something really serious right now I just want to date and have something rather than nothing. And I would NEVER want to get married while I was a virgin that would just be awful, I'd miss out on sooo much. But thanks again for all the advice, I found it all helpful and I guess I will just see where things go from here

[Mf1611]

hello atheist

give it time and u find the right person and u will be happy with this person for the rest of your life and not ever have to worry about feeling used