So many questions about 'coming out'...

[fredv3b]

I can't add much, if anything, to what Fred has already said, but that won't stop me trying

Never stopped me when the positions were reversed

(Apologies for the over-use of metaphor in this response )

Don't apologise, we don't have enough metaphor on GS

[Amigo]

Marshlander : Man...... I'm so sorry marshlander. It shouldn't have been that bad.... If you knew it was going to end up like this, would you still have 'come out' to your wife?

If me being gay means breaking up with my wife, then I'll just stay straight.

I won't lie to her that I'm straight, I'll just BE straight. No problem.

But it wasn't ME who first thought I was gay, it was my WIFE.

One day she said,

"You know, I've been noticing a lot of little things over the years and I think you're gay."

And I said,

"No way! Really??"

And that was the end of the discussion.

Lately I've tested her by asking her if I could try on one of her underwear and she said OK. So I think she's OK with me being gay.

And that really got me to think,

"If it's OK with my wife, why not give it a try?"

And that's why I've been thinking so much about this being gay thing lately...

In a nutshell, that is...

I'm really sorry about your 5 years in hell. I know it can be real tough. Sometimes wife can such a bitch. A real pain in the ass.

[Kiid]

But why do people have to 'come out'? So that can be who they are.

Why do you have the urge to come out? So I can be myself

Why should you tell anyone? So that "queer" can become a norm in society

Does it make you more gay if you come out? No if your gay then you gay

Can I be a gay and never come out? Yes

Do you act differently once you come out? Do you think differently? I personally got more confidence

What's different about you before and after the coming out? I was shy before and now I have lots more confidence

[marshlander]

Marshlander : Man...... I'm so sorry marshlander. It shouldn't have been that bad.... If you knew it was going to end up like this, would you still have 'come out' to your wife?

The way it has ended up has been good. My ex-wife and I are at least on speaking terms, although not very often ... but that's fine My son trained as a mechanic and has been in work most of the time (although he currently works in sales and is retraining for yet another career change). My daughter survived that suicide attempt and eventually was in a five-year relationship, but which ended recently. Unfortunately, she seems to have inherited my depressive disposition and is currently having a tough time. I have had the great good fortune in having met princealbertofb and we have been very happy together for the past 6-7 years. Had I realised how I was going to get to this stage I would not have come out to her, but then I might not be where I am now.

If me being gay means breaking up with my wife, then I'll just stay straight.

I won't lie to her that I'm straight, I'll just BE straight. No problem.

But it wasn't ME who first thought I was gay, it was my WIFE.

One day she said,

"You know, I've been noticing a lot of little things over the years and I think you're gay."

It sounds as though you have some opportunities to enter discussion. You know your own situation better than anyone else. If you are gay, it will eventually become an overpowering problem. Mother Nature has a habit of getting her own way, however long it takes.

... Sometimes wife can such a bitch. A real pain in the ass.

That territory is not exclusive to wives. We are all capable of bad things :frown:

[Amigo]

So you and Princeofalbert (PA) are going out?

Wow... that's cool!

"If you are gay, it will eventually become an overpowering problem."

I don't think it'll be a problem.

If I'm gay, everything is good.

If I'm NOT gay, now THAT'll be the problem.

[Amigo]

joyshboy : Glad to hear that you got confidence from the experience.

How long did your 'coming out' last? I'm sure it wasn't just ONE day event... did it go on for week? Month? Many months?

[marshlander]

Surely only débutantes come out just once in a lifetime?

[Kiid]

It was a few days it took to tell my friends. I was afraid to tell my mum it took a while till i got the chance to tell her. My dads side of the family thinks I'm straight. My uncle saw me with my best friend Ana who is pregnant and said "Good on ya Josh". I like to pretend to be flirty with her to confuse people. Its fun. But coming out is ongoing because if you met someone new and they don't know your gay and you want them to know so you tell them. So yeah I'm still coming out to people when I met them. Almost 2years of coming out =]

[princealbertofb]

That sounds about right, Josh... You keep on coming out to people as they soon realise that you don't have a woman in your life but a man.
I recently took Marshlander to a social gathering with my colleagues. I've not come out to them but I asked if I could bring my friend Marshlander along and asked also if other colleagues were bringing their partners or husbands... The answer was that he was most welcome and I think we had a good time.
Today my colleague who invited us asked after Marshlander and asked when he was coming back to France? I thought it was very thoughtful of her to ask and acknowledge that he is part of my life (and an important part, at that).. It just made my day. I didn't have to say I'm gay, I've got a boyfriend. People just accepted the situation as it was and live with it quite comfortably. In fact it makes no difference to them, why should it?

[Amigo]

Josh : Hm... that sounds like fun... coming out for years.....

I noticed, some people have fun with the coming out, while some have to go through a living hell.