Not Sure

[Rockclimber22]

Hi, I'm not even sure if this is the sort of thing you guys deal with, but im not sure who i can talk to about it.

Last week after a christmas party i went back to my flat with my two flatmates (one of which is gay) and his boyfriend and another friend. We had been drinking, and eventually my friends went to bed, and I let my friends friend into my room to watch a dvd, during the movie, he leant over to kiss me, and i kissed him back, we ended up fooling around , and he spent the night with me.in the morning i was kinda upset and asked him to leave, and then stayed in bed all day, id always slept with girls before and im not sure why im upset, because i have gay friends and have no problem with it, andi actually enjoyed the time i spent with my friends friend, but i think i upset him too and havnt seen anyone since that night as i went home to my parents for christmas (im at uni).


Im not really sure what im expecting back, its just been the only thing on my mind all week, wether i want to see him again, and want people would think, i was sure i was 100% straight and now im worried about everything. im just not sure.

Jack

[marshlander]

What a pickle. You are not the first person who regretted having a fumble with a friend and you are certainly not going to be the last. Some say the only difference between a straight man and a gay one is four pints of lager, but that's not really true. The alcohol may make us lose our inhibitions, but I don't know how much would happen if there were no interest to begin with.

You have a couple of choices. Put it down to experience and leave it in the past or you could keep thinking about it and drive yourself nuts. Are you worried that you may not be who you thought you were? Plenty of us have been through that.

I'm not quite sure who was with who in your message, but has anyone been hurt or betrayed? If not, try not to worry. If you are gay or bi then welcome to the party and if you are not then you have experience that it's not all that scary, but at least you know what you don't want!

Don't beat yourself up. Plenty of others are willing to do that in our lives.

[Rockclimber22]

Yeah that's it, I thought I knew who I was and this came out of nowhere, I had never thought about guys in that way before.

To clarify, my gay friend and his boyfriend were in his room, my straight friend was in his room, and I was with my gay flatmates friend...who is gay.

Hope that made sense.

Its just been on my mind so much this week, I keep thinking about the guy and how much I enjoyed spending the night with him.

[peterinmalaga]

Do you think you were a bit abrupt to the guy you slept with? If this is the case, I think you should apologize to him for that. If this is an experience that you never want to repeat, no problem. I can't help thinking that you would just put it all down to getting legless and move on without giving it too much thought, if it was of no significance to you. I have read that 60% of men have sex with men when they are in jail, so maybe it was just a case of any port in a storm. If you are not sure whether you want to see him again or not, that suggests to me that really you do. What seems to be the main problem for you is what other people would think. Are other people expecting you to settle down with a girl and get married? Would you do this just because other people expect it? As Marshie says, don't beat yourself up about it and don't beat anybody else up either! Excuse my ramblings but there is not a lot of info to go on.
Good luck.

[fredv3b]

Hi Jack,

Welcome to GS, be assured this is the sort of thing we deal with / have dealt with. Marshy is absolutely right, even if no one you know admits to it, there are plenty of others who have been / are / will be in the same position as you.

Don't feel guilty so long as you weren't cheating one anyone and had no reason to believe that he was then I don't see what you could possibly be guilty of. If you had an enjoyable night with him be thankful for that. I wouldn't worry too much about what your friends think, given that you live with a gay guy and go to parties where his boyfriend and a gay friend of his are there, then it sounds like you have a fairly liberal social circle, at least at uni. (I know not worrying is a lot easier said than done, especially coming from someone who is 'out' and moving in with his boyfriend.) Obviously, seeing him again might start with a little awkwardness but if you explain you were upset, apologise and thank him for an enjoyable night I dare say he would forgive you.

Don't bother too much trying to label / re-label yourself now. If enjoyable as it was you wouldn't want to repeat it then fair enough, if on the other hand you want to see a bit more of him, then why not, see how things go, how you feel about things...

Hope This is Helpful.

[Rychard the Lionheart]

There is not a lot I can add to what has been said already,only this. You have just had a new experience with a guy this time, and you appears to have enjoyed it. You have now discovered that you might be bisexual and not 100% straight, your not alone many guys are and enjoy it.
So don't be mad with yourself or with the other guy, if you want to continue the relationship with him then you need to talk and explain your feelings to him. The ball is in your court as they say. Good luck.

[Rockclimber22]

Well I've phoned him and apologized, he seemed pretty cool about it, and I asked if he wanted to come out at new years.

[Rychard the Lionheart]

Good news mate. Now make sure you don't blow it next time. See when it leads and stay calm,and enjoy the fun.

[Rockclimber22]

I'll try, I'm just...confused I guess, its not where I pictured myself, liking guys.
I've always appreciated a good looking guy, but now, its just weird, you think you know who you are and then, sleep with another man.

[marshlander]

... I've always appreciated a good looking guy, but now, its just weird, you think you know who you are and then, sleep with another man.

... and suddenly you know what all the fuss over sex is about ... ?