So I'm having an issue. I don't think I'm becoming an alcoholic, but just in case, I need a bit of advice. I see no point in posting anonymously, cause I'm already sort of anonymous right lol?
So I turned 21 a few days ago, and its been a rough patch for me. I dont really have any friends who really seem like they want to hang out with me, and just last night I had a huge argument with my best friend because she sent her crazy boyfriend after me for a misunderstanding we had. Its just drama, drama, drama, and people just...stress me out more than I can take. So I started by getting drunk 21st bday night, nothing wrong with that. Night after that I had a glass of merlot. Night after that, half a bottle of vodka on the rocks and a few other things. And since then its been a glass of wine each night. Tonight was supposed to be no alcohol, but my friends once again stressed me out and now I'm on another glass. So basically becaues I have nobody to talk to, i hit the bottle. Don't get drunk too much because I hate hangovers...I'm just concerned about turning to wine every time I have problems with people. Counseling doesnt work...tried it already. I just don't know what to do...Any advice?
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[COLOR="Purple"]I dont know what the definition of alcoholism is... maybe that is up to you to define???
I guess it is all about control. If you say this is NO alcohol day and it is impossible to go with that - maybe you have a problem. If you say just one glass of wine today and you control that - then maybe you have NO problem.
I do think that alcohol can be a really big problem since I have a liver disease. There is only so much your liver can deal with and you do not want to die from a stone cold liver.
What do you mean counseling doesnt work?[/COLOR]
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Its a good thing that you recognize that you're starting to have a problem. I have done the same thing and I'm sure a lot of other people have too.
Imo, you are starting to develop a problem with substances. You are looking at the alcohol as an escape of all of your problems. After a while, you'll need more of it just to achieve the same effect.
Same thing with drugs. Just say you were given pain medication for "pain". But you used them for other purposes even when you weren't in pain. It's an escape which alters your mind.
How many counselors did you try? Were you completely honest with them? A lot of us have been where you are and the only way it willl get better is if you make it the way you want it!
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Hi. Yosuke.
First, happy birthday mate.
Second, alcohol is not the solution. Being able to see the problem before it gets worse and knowing what is the source the stress is great. You can now do some things about it before its becomes a real danger to you and everyone around you. Take a good look at what is happening in your life now, you seem to be stressed out over your group of friends. If they are a real friends, you should be able to talk and resolve any issues with them. You may find that you are more relaxed and can relate to friends in different age groups, friends can be any age not just your age. Also what hobbies or interests you have, spending some time on these can help ease the stress and find new friends.
We seem to have counseling for everythings these days, I wonder how much of it really works.
Rychard
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Hello Yosuke,
I have heard from a mate of mine, who enjoys her tipple, that alcohol doesn't make your mood change: it's just that it would tend to enhance the particular mood that you're in.
You say that a glass or two (or more) helps you to get through the problem but does it really?
Would you say you are easily stressed out? If so, drinking will only make the problem of feeling stressed out more acute. Think about it. There must surely be other ways of enjoying a bit of alcohol now and again, with friends occasionally, or with family, but drinking on your own doesn't sound like the solution.
However, if you are going to drink anyway, dare I suggest that you make sure you have something to eat along with it? Something preferably healthy, like proper food, not snacks?
My friend says she doesn't indulge in alcohol unless she knows that she's got something to eat to go along with it. I think that is pretty safe, as a means not to overdo the drinking and make sure your body can process it. (It won't go immediately to your head).
You might also like to look up how much alcohol is considered safe for an adult male of your size and bodybuild. If you can, stick to those proportions and decide for yourself when you've had enough.
It might also help NOT to keep alcohol in the house and to set yourself an obligation to go OUT for your drinks. You can ask the bartender to make sure he or she doesn't serve you more than (whatever number) X drinks. Keep your bill to make sure how many you've had.
Good luck with solving your 'problem'.
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I agree with Richard L that you should first tackle the root cause of the problem(s) and talk to your friends. Be as honest as you can.
PA's advice on alcohol is useful too. I would add that it might be best to limit your drinking to 2 or 3 days per week
Exercise is also an excellent idea. I find walking, cycling or running very good. The gym is also good. Whatever form of exercise you like. Exercise also enhances your self esteem, as you get better at it.
Relaxation tapes can be very useful and some can be downloaded free from the internet.
Last but not least there is sex, a wonderful way to destress, even if you are making love to your right hand. Did nobody else mention this one? Shame on your all!
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peterinmalaga Wrote:Last but not least there is sex, a wonderful way to destress, even if you are making love to your right hand. Did nobody else mention this one? Shame on your all!
That was on discussion in another thread, if I recall. I think what Yosuke has been telling us is that he's feeling a bit lonely at the moment, so I wouldn't have dared suggest talks with friends or even sex with strangers... but his 'veuve poignet' ( the Wrist Widow) as we sometimes call it in French, would be the willing giver of some relief, no doubt.
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Everyone: Thanks so much for the response! Everyone discussed a variety of things so I guess I'll address them individually.
Counseling: I was open completely with the counselor, unfortunately I cant afford to go to a non-school counselor. My big problem is the circle of friends I have. That isnt exactly something I can solve in counseling, but I can only try to find other friends. It works sometimes, others it doesnt.
Alcohol: I don't get drunk, but someone told me that it was natural (In the US at least) for someone to drink more than usual right after their 21st birthday. Like tonight I really dont feel like drinking cause I have a nice bottle of merlot that I'd like to last a while. I do have alcoholism in my family, but once the drinking gets to a certain point, I get sick. I've also vowed to never again have a hangover, because mine seem to be particularly nasty and last for days sometimes. It's complicated but I am trying to stop. Plus its wine, not vodka or whiskey or bourbon, so I guess I could be drinking worse things. Also...is a small glass of wine every night or every few nights ok? And by small I really do mean small...like half a glass.
Dating my right hand: Sometimes I date my left as well. That's another problem is that my friends are all in relationships and more or less flaunt it to me, so there's no way for me to get away from it. The pool of friends is a very small selection. But yeah, dates with the hands help somewhat.
Thanks for the input an the advice everyone! I'll update if the situation changes, but I am optimistic :biggrin:
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[COLOR="Purple"]Sorry Yosuke. I still dont get the counseling thing. Is it that you feel the school counselor was crap? I had a few really horrible psychs/counselors as uni. You could try a local group - maybe a gay group, or maybe try a phone in group... You always have AA which is said to be extremely successful with alcoholics.
Try to remember that when you are getting sick from alcohol this means that you are feeling the poisoning alcohol brings with it. We are the same. I would get really sick from a very small amount of alcohol... only to discover that I had Hep C all that time. And yes, wine is not the worst thing to drink and maybe it does have some benefits... I dont think that a small amount, as you describe, is a real problem. I nurse a shot of red wine for ages also.
Good luck and do keep us informed on how things go.[/COLOR]
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fjp999: Oddly enough, the counseling at my university is excellent. Wouldnt say world class, but excellent. I would just say it isnt working because my problems with my friends being jerks just cant be solved with counseling.
I am doing better, I cut down on the size of the glass. I wasnt going to drink tonight, but a professor of mine told me that to destress and therefore be happier in his class I needed to do a lot of 'smurfing'. I looked this term up, became mortified, realized I was told this by my teacher, and I was tired...so yeah I took a small glass, smaller than usual. Though I can say that I'm starting to see a trend here.
Thanks again for the support!
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