Ok, im 22 and I have been in a relationship for 5 years. The person I am with is my first long-term relationship. We have always gotten along great but, over the past few years we have started to slip a little bit. We always argue about dumb things and sometimes our fights have gotten physical but haven't been physical for about 8 months now. The other night after we had sex I laid there next to him and for the first time in 5 years asked myself if I am happy? and I could not come up with an answer.... in the past when I thought about that the immediate answer is yes, and also when we fought if he left the house I would get anxious and worry until he comes back. But now when that happens I don't care if he leaves I actually prefer it. Also I feel more relaxed and at ease when Im alone?! Another thing that scares me is at work I there is a guy who comes in about twice and week and we really hit it off, great conversation, looks, just an overall easy person to talk to. Now I can't get him out of my mind, it scares me that I'm developing feelings for someone else. Is this normal for a long term relationship to go through phases like this? I don't want to leave my partner, but I don't know why I don't want to leave him ( if that makes sense ).
I have been thinking about why I would have feelings for someone else. My partner is not one for showing emotions and he is not very romanic at all. Whereas I am very romantic, I am someone who wants to show my love where he doesn't. I guess since I have developed feelings for someone else is because I am searching for something I'm not getting at home.... But I really don't know why I am feeling this way. so im just needing advice on how I should go about this. also Anyone else experience this, if so how did you handle it?
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If your starting to develop feelings for some one thats your mond body and soul telling you its time to move on. In my own opinion ofcourse.
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Stupid question. NEVER ask yourself if you are happy! You will never find happiness if you keep asking that question. And don't complain if you haven't found Mr Perfection. He only exists in stories. There was a time when you got on great, you say, and that is probably the way it would be with the other guy for a while.....and then? Maybe you need to talk a bit more with your bf about the things that bother you – but do it with tact and sensitivity. Tell him about the good things too. See if there is any way you could get back to the good times you had before. Give your relationship a chance again. If after that you really feel you would be better splitting up, then do it. Then you should take your time to get to know someone new well before you commit to a relationship. Play the field a bit first. There's no reason to exclude the guy at work but you don't really know much about him, do you?
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[COLOR="Purple"]Well, lets see... You started this long term relationship when you were 17. You dont mention how old your partner is...
I dont know about yourself but I know that I changed a lot from 17 to 22.
I dont know what to call it (mid life crisis = teen age crisis?) but after the struggles you have had with your partner it may now be a time to have a very serious sit down with him.
I am glad to hear that youre not fighting anymore, or that youre not getting physical with one another... but that your bf is leaving after your fights. Where does he go? Maybe it is time for a trial separation. I dont know, really... In the past I have been where you were and that phase passed and we were happy again. It took a lot of work, long discussions, some more fights, and more time.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do.[/COLOR]
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I should have been a little more detailed! He is 8 years older than me! I do understand when you say talk to him but be tactful. I just don't know where to start, what do I say? No really don't know much about the other guy, I guess I just see in him everything I don't have with my partner. I guess it's a fantasy that I want filled out ( not sexual ). I guess since I have never really ayec the field Im seeing everything that is out there for the first time... I'm just confused on where to start.
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Peter's advice is excellent as usual. I don't mind asking myself whether I'm happy. Because I think I know what unhappiness looks like I don't need to be "happy" - I think happiness is rather ephemeral. Contentment lies beyond happiness and after several years I count myself as fortunate to be able to enjoy that kind of stability.
Can you see yourself wanting to be in this relationship in a couple of years? I look forward to being with my man for many years to come. If your discussion can't find the pieces, let alone pick them up, it is probably time to move on. As fjp said, you've remained in this relationship over a time when you will have inevitably changed.
Best wishes to you and your partner for whatever happens next.
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My questions would be:
- Does your partnership with a man who is 8 years older than you exclude friendships with other people, other men?
- Are you the sort of person who can talk easily or are you rather reserved? (maybe the reason you are telling us here anonymously?).
I think giving your relationship another try, as suggested by Peter, might be worth it if you can find the courage to talk. It obviously upsets you to fight with your boyfriend, and that the fights have got physical in the past.
- If you are gradually losing interest in your boyfriend, how do you deal with having sex? Is it something you feel he imposes on you? Is it something that you both need and that is still alive? Is it something you do out of boredom and maybe habit?
- Someone here was asking about what to do for Valentine's Day... well, if your partner is not romantic, I doubt that he would fall for something done for Valentine's Day, but what about you? Would you like him to do something special for you on that day? If so, what? Would you be able to tell him that you'd like something special to happen?
- Might that be the beginning of a 'serious' conversation about where the two of you are going?
In the meantime, I suppose there is nothing wrong in finding out more about the person at work whom you fancy (even if in your fantasy). Is this new person closer to your own age?
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To answer the last post:
I have my friends at work and at his work and that Is mostly it, I'm normally a very social person but since he isn't I have toned that down alot.
I'm easy to talk to but sometimes I find it hard to engage In talk that might hurt someone. Or sometimes If I get upset I'll say how I really feel in a way he won't understand.
As far as sex goes, I don't know if I do it for the love or out of habbit. For several months now when we do have sex my mind wonders onto other things, just random things.
And valentines day! A couple of years ago I did a big thing for him and he wrote me a note that said I appreciate what you did but you know this is not a "holiday" I care for...... So since then we havnt done anything...
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What I really meant was, would it mean something to YOU? I understand that it doesn't mean much to him, or even that he might find it a bit over the top... But what does it mean to you? and what would it mean to you for him to show a bit more romantic appreciation? I know a leopard can't change his spots but sometimes a relationship needs a little work put into it for it to go on living... but if neither of you really care about making it work, then maybe it IS time to move on..
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If he did anything romantic for me.... I don't care if it's on valentines day or not I would be happy! Who wouldn't..... I love my partner very much but as we grow there are certain things I wish he did... I know I will never have the perfect man but I would like some things to go In my favor... I have always told him that we have compromise and when he would he would be frustrated. For example I would got out with friends (just dinner) and he would get irratated because I wouldn't spend the evening with him. I wish I could tell him these things as easily as I am telling complete strangers
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