I like boys... lol

[J A Y]

Hey,

I just wanted to say/write to say that I like boys. Cos I don't ever get to say that to anyone, despite it being constantly on my mind. Its like, if you had a really annoying song stuck in your head you'd still sing it, just to get rid of it... kind of lol. And its nice to say it even though I don't actually know the person I'm saying it to. I told myself I would tell my family in January, but that was back in December when January was all far away and shit. Now its here and I totally have no intention of coming out. Still 100% closety. I honestly can't see there being a good time to do it.

So if there's anyone else who's in the same situation it would be great to hear about that. And even stupid details like when you first discovered you were gay and stuff. Cos I haven't ever got to tell anyone this. I first noticed when I was 8 years old which I find incredible now that I'm older. Who knew that a kid of 8 years old even knew what gay was lol. Anyway, its not a very exciting story. Lets just say I blame Ricky Martins provocative Livin' La Vida Loca video for prematurely introducing me to my wayward sexuality lmao. Still can't listen to that song without feeling ill, although I guess that goes for anyone, gay straight or asexual lol. And then I spent about 3 years feeling a constant niggling/severe guilt until I snapped one day and told my family when I was 12. And my parents were okay with it as far as I can remember, but my sister was totally not and was totally disgusted. So over the next few weeks I managed to convince them it was just an attention seeking phase. Haha, yes I was a genius in some respects, and idiot in most others. So here I am, on the edge of 21, and still as straight as a poker to everyone I know!

Sorry, this post is way longer than it should be... :S
Anyway, tell me about your being falsely straight, that might just make me smile (not in a "your pain brings me pleasure" way, I mean like, in an "oh that guys like me!" way).

In conclusion. I like boys. I love boys lol, I think they're great, and I've only ever kissed one! I LOVE BOYS WOOOOOOOO! Lol there. That felt good.

[princealbertofb]

Yes, it does feel good to be able to admit (even if only to yourself at first) that you like boys... With time you'll probably find that it's just the ONE boy or man that you like (until you need to find another one, if you aren't satisfied with the one you've got), or that you like to have several on the go, there are different types of people and different needs.
May I ask if your sister is older than you or younger and why you think she was totally NOT ok with you being gay?
It's strange to me, generally, people have more problems with their parents than their siblings.
In any case, Jay, to GaySpeak... and here's a
PA

[J A Y]

Ah shes older than me. She's my best mate. We do everything together and I know in my heart she would be 100% fine with it now. She was only 14 at the time and it was a big thing for her to deal with, looking back, it was a silly idea to tell them when I understood so little about it myself if you know what I mean. But even though I know all this, there's still a residual fear left over I guess. I think that I'm happy enough being secretive until a day when maybe I have a boy thats more than a friend that I think is worthy of meeting them. But then thats a bit bang in your face isn't it? "Hi Mom, remember that time I was gay for a week and then wasn't, well I lied, I am gay and my boyfriends on his way, in fact I think thats his car pulling into the drive!" lmao

[Moo Freeman]

i tried thinking of that "hey mom my boyfriends coming over do you mind" i could imagine her going "WAT!!!!!!"

[princealbertofb]

Yes, Jay, what you describe is exactly what happened with me although it happened to me in later years than those you had to deal with... I think I was 21 when I had my first gay encounter and announced to my mother that that was what was happening. She dismissed it in such a way that I shut up about it. Then I had a girlfriend for 4 years and it created almost as much havoc with my mother, except that at least it showed I was straight (or so we all thought). Then my girlfriend and I separated for reasons of convenience and because of living in different countries and other complicated stuff that I've already posted here somewhere. It was 18 years later (and an older me of 43) when I found my current partner and boyfriend and I didn't want to bring him down to meet her until I'd said something to her first. So I sent her an e-mail and that's when I realised that it was OK for me to be gay, that she'd love me anyhow. Now she just loves my boyfriend too. Isn't life wonderful?
What I'm trying to say here, is that sometimes people can make comments that are deeply hurtful or striking to us, and then time passes and these comments still ring in our ears and leave emotional traces and responses of fear or doubt but we can test those people again as we grow up... after a while it's their problem if they can't deal with the REAL us!!! Good luck with coming out to your family, whenever that happens, Jay.

[J A Y]

MOO: lmao, just imagine "Mum, pop the kettle on my boyfriends comin round"

PRINCE: Thanks for the luck, I'm still fine with not bein out at the moment, I'm perfectly happy as far as sexuality is concerned because I'm kind of a lone wolf personality type anyway. I think its only very recently I've even considered being in a relationship, so the prospect of it is quite new and scary lol.

[princealbertofb]

I'll grant you that. The perspective of a new relationship is scary, but also for a man and woman, don't you think?

[Moo Freeman]

relationship wise im not so good there right now im crushing over this guy and well he was talking to me about this girl who says he might have a chance with her and in my head im all like WTF Hello im right here Notice MEEEEE but i will play this out so far

[J A Y]

Oh yeah, totally. Scary for anyone! It would be nice though, I'm old fashioned when it comes to these things yano? And I think I'm a little picky!

[Moo Freeman]

just remember to be not too clingy....yet