I like boys now!

[peterinmalaga]

"I am such a wimp when it comes to approaching guys."
I don't think you need to approach guys in quite the way that you imagine, Pablo. You need to get at least one gay FRIEND so that you can go out together on the gay scene and meet other guys. You don't have sex with friends, right? So if he's not as fit and cute as you, no problem. The cute guys will go for you instead of him. Do they still have Gay Pride in the UK? That's a good place to start because you will see the huge variety of stuff available for gay men in the UK. When you meet guys you are interested in, again just treat them as friends until you are both sure that you want more than friendship. It will all happen in a more natural way then and there won't be any big hurdles to overcome as you seem to imagine.

[fredv3b]

Have you thought about internet dating? By definition everyone on the site is interested in meeting somebody. You get to read a bit about somebody before you make any move and it doesn't take that much gumption to send a 'liked your profile' type message to someone who took your fancy. The worst that's going to happen is they ignore it or say 'no thanks'. It worked for me....

[colinmackay]

Its like, I've been workin on the idea of being with a girl for so long... That feels almost wasted now. It's like... Now what? lol

Don't worry too much about it. I was 34 before I finally accepted that part.

It wasn't until I was 35 that I actually came out. I still feel I've wasted the last 20 years of my life, but as others have pointed out to me, that isn't the case. I had to be ready.

For me, and I can only really speak for myself, coming out was something that helped grow my self-confidence a lot. I was natually anxious and fearful in case something bad happened. In case a friendship was about to end as a result. But the responses have been mostly positive and the worst was just neutral.

[peterinmalaga]

Have you thought about internet dating? By definition everyone on the site is interested in meeting somebody. You get to read a bit about somebody before you make any move and it doesn't take that much gumption to send a 'liked your profile' type message to someone who took your fancy. The worst that's going to happen is they ignore it or say 'no thanks'. It worked for me....

You have to be careful with internet dating. After all from the look of my profile you might think I was a dog!!!

[Pablogeebee]

"I am such a wimp when it comes to approaching guys."
I don't think you need to approach guys in quite the way that you imagine, Pablo. You need to get at least one gay FRIEND so that you can go out together on the gay scene and meet other guys. You don't have sex with friends, right? So if he's not as fit and cute as you, no problem. The cute guys will go for you instead of him. Do they still have Gay Pride in the UK? That's a good place to start because you will see the huge variety of stuff available for gay men in the UK. When you meet guys you are interested in, again just treat them as friends until you are both sure that you want more than friendship. It will all happen in a more natural way then and there won't be any big hurdles to overcome as you seem to imagine.

All your advice is great and I''m sure Jay feels the same .I''m not sure how to get a gay friend as I don''t know anyone who is gay.But what you said,about getting a friend and going out on the gay scene is a very good idea.There is nothing like that in my area though and I don''t know what Gay Pride is.
I know I sound like a little,naiive mary,but I have never asked anyone on a date. I can imagine it will come naturally when I meet likeminded guys.
I think I''ll look at internet dating sites to get an idea.
PeterinMalaga;lol! Amusing ! It''s a very cute dog though.
To be honest,I have''nt made much of an effort yet and I''m sure if I do things will turn out a lot simpler.I just need to overcome my inhibitions:redface: .After all I have''nt even kissed a guy yet. .I think about it though,quite often.lol!

[colinmackay]

All your advice is great and I'm sure Jay feels the same .I''m not sure how to get a gay friend as I don't know anyone who is gay.

Do you have a local LGBT centre? If you do they may be able to help.

I was lucky, I had a couple of gay friends before I came to terms with my sexuality so they were there for me when I was ready to come out. On the other hand, neither of them live any where near me. (200 and 400 miles away).

But what you said,about getting a friend and going out on the gay scene is a very good idea.There is nothing like that in my area though and I don't know what Gay Pride is.

So, when I go out on the scene it is mostly in London because that's where one of my friends lives. I have been out in Glasgow a couple of times, but that's only when gay friends have visited.

Gay Pride are annual celebrations held in various towns around the world. I'm planning to go to the London and Manchester Pride events this year. (Google it - I'm too new a member here to post links)

BTW, I looked up Oxton if it is the one close to Liverpool I'd imagine you are in luck because that'll have quite a vibrant scene, I'd imagine (not been there). If it is the one close to Mansfield then it might have a more limited selection.

I know I sound like a little,naiive mary,but I have never asked anyone on a date. I can imagine it will come naturally when I meet likeminded guys.
I think I'll look at internet dating sites to get an idea.

The way I see it, you don't nesessarily ask someone out on a date. I think that adds too much pressure to the situation. Ask them out for a coffee or a drink. Use the time to chat and get to know them and let things develop from there. But everyone is different. That is what makes me feel more comfortable. Any time I've ever described it as a "date" it mostly feels pressured as if I'm trying to close a deal or something.

Be careful with "internet dating" - I signed up with Gaydar because it is the largest but it is full of guys after one night flings (to be diplomatic about it) and I get the impression you are not after that (at least not at the momemt). Having said that, I have met a friend through it - although no romance as yet.

The first message I received through Gaydar was from a guy who sent me pics of his equipment. I'd only been signed up for a few hours at that point and hadn't even got around to putting a profile together.

I just need to overcome my inhibitions:redface: .After all I have''nt even kissed a guy yet. .I think about it though,quite often.lol!

I think you just need to relax and be yourself. I know it feels like life is slipping past at breakneck speed and if you don't do something now it will never happen, but it will. I keep having to remind myself of that because I feel I've wasted so much time already.

[Pablogeebee]

Do you have a local LGBT centre? If you do they may be able to help.

I was lucky, I had a couple of gay friends before I came to terms with my sexuality so they were there for me when I was ready to come out. On the other hand, neither of them live any where near me. (200 and 400 miles away).



So, when I go out on the scene it is mostly in London because that's where one of my friends lives. I have been out in Glasgow a couple of times, but that's only when gay friends have visited.

Gay Pride are annual celebrations held in various towns around the world. I'm planning to go to the London and Manchester Pride events this year. (Google it - I'm too new a member here to post links)

BTW, I looked up Oxton if it is the one close to Liverpool I'd imagine you are in luck because that'll have quite a vibrant scene, I'd imagine (not been there). If it is the one close to Mansfield then it might have a more limited selection.



The way I see it, you don't nesessarily ask someone out on a date. I think that adds too much pressure to the situation. Ask them out for a coffee or a drink. Use the time to chat and get to know them and let things develop from there. But everyone is different. That is what makes me feel more comfortable. Any time I've ever described it as a "date" it mostly feels pressured as if I'm trying to close a deal or something.

Be careful with "internet dating" - I signed up with Gaydar because it is the largest but it is full of guys after one night flings (to be diplomatic about it) and I get the impression you are not after that (at least not at the momemt). Having said that, I have met a friend through it - although no romance as yet.

The first message I received through Gaydar was from a guy who sent me pics of his equipment. I'd only been signed up for a few hours at that point and hadn't even got around to putting a profile together.



I think you just need to relax and be yourself. I know it feels like life is slipping past at breakneck speed and if you don't do something now it will never happen, but it will. I keep having to remind myself of that because I feel I've wasted so much time already.

Hello Colinmile: . Thanks for all that advice.You have given me a lot of really good information there.
I think I could easily find out about a local LGBT centre so I shall enquire about that.
The Gay Pride Things sound interesting and I imagine they are great fun.I will google that too.Though I doubt there is one locally,you never know.
The internet dating stuff sounds a bit seedy to be honest.lol! A guy sending pics of his ''stuff'' is a bit forward.Ha,ha !
No I am not desperate for a sexual relationship so I''d only be interested in folk like myself.Looking for friendship first and foremost and one night stands are''nt anything I would be interested in.
I will look at it though as it would be good to meet nice guys I could make friendships with.Well a nice guy.
Once again thankyou,you have given me a lot of excellent advice.

[fredv3b]

When I said internet dating I meant dating. All the gay internet dating sites I have ever browsed, seemed to be frankly hook-up sites. However most of the 'straight' internet dating sites do actually cater for gays, you select your gender and the gender you are interested in. My experience was that the guys on those websites were interested in dating rather than hooking-up. I met my boyfriend on Match.com so perhaps I am biased, Peter is right though you should take profiles with a large pinch of salt.

[fjp999]

[COLOR="Purple"]Gay Pride events are really fun... well the ones in San Francisco are AMAZING fun.

One of the great moments of Gay Pride for me is when the city officials come round... wonderful to see openly gay police, firemen, etc. Then you have the parents of gay children groups. Just lovely... The only group I kinda have problems with is the S&M groups. You can hear the paddling echo thru the streets as they make their way. And the whips. Scary stuff especially when they are drawing blood :eek:

One member, who hasnt been around for some time, is a photographer for the London Pride and his site had some nice pics.[/COLOR]