Coming out at 35

[colinmackay]

I'm what you might call a late bloomer (well, I think so) and I only accepted my sexuality last year and came out only 4 months ago.

I came out to a gay friend, yet I still felt increadibly stupid and anxious when I did. Not because I thought I'd be rejected but because I felt I'd wasted 20 years of my life and that I could have deluded myself for so long. Not only that but prior to coming out I had read as much as I could find about the "process" and most of what was written was geared towards teenagers and those in their early 20s, so that didn't really help me feel any better.

Anyway, the point of this post is to point you in the direction of an article on my blog that I wrote that some may find helpful especially if you are beyond the typical age range coming out advice is aimed at:
blog.colinmackay.net/archive/2010/01/23/Exploding-out-of-the-Closet.aspx

Sorry for the lack of a link, but I guess I need to post a bit more before I'm allowed to do that. For the moment, you'll just have to copy and paste the URL into your address bar

Feel free to read the rest of my blog, but unless you are a software developer you probably won't get much else out of it.

[kitschcamp]

I think there are lots of us that came out relatively late - I wasn't quite as late as you - and regret not having done it sooner. But with time I don't regret it as much, as I think of the mistakes I would have made...

Whether you come out at 15 or 50, it's not easy, and you do feel self conscious. And it doesn't totally stop. I've got a new bunch of additional work colleagues I'm working with, and I've found myself having to come out all over again. Which is kind of strange. I've not had to do that for about 10 years. Those worries of being accepted, etc, will always be a bit of a worry.

[marshlander]

You are certainly not unusual in coming out later. I was five years older than you when I finally faced up to the truth. There is no point having regrets about coming out so late, because it can't change the past.

Who knows, had I come out earlier I would probably not have had the opportunity of being a father (just about the only thing that made life bearable for a long time) and now a grandfather. A man I can now recognise I was very much in love with in my early twenties sadly died twenty years ago. That could have been me.

Whatever I feel I might have missed has been more than made up for by finding my present partner. I couldn't ask for more.

[princealbertofb]

Colin, bravo for finally coming out and admitting the truth to yourself... If you play your cards well, there may be much more to life now, even coming out later than you'd wished. In any case, to GaySpeak. Hope to see you around, Mr Software Developer.

[peterinmalaga]

Well done, Colin, and welcome here. We all do it differently (coming out I mean). I knew most of the stuff about gay sex when I was in primary school - and I don't mean in a theoretical way. But I was 34 before I realised that you could fall in love with another men. So not so different from you?

[princealbertofb]

is that a lapsus linguae, Pedrito? another mEn???

[gaygay33]

I don't think there is anything at all wrong with coming out at age 35. Age is not relevant, the important factor is when you are ready to. I came out at 21 but I wish I did it a lot earlier.
Congrats

[colinmackay]

I was just looking over some photos and I see a big change in myself since I came out. If you read my blog link, above, you may remember that I said I started losing weight once the stress of self-denial had been removed - I stopped comfort eating. I recently noticed how much of a change.

This picture was taken about 4 hours before I came out:


This picture was taken last night:


And in other news, my doctor put me on new medication (new type of ACE Inhibitor) and I'm feeling really fantastic. Much more sprightly and bouncy.

[marshlander]

Congratulations! Very nice

[princealbertofb]

Yes I thought so too, Marsh...