what a maroon!

[trevvvv]

hi.. i have lived with this guy for over a year now and have grown to love him and have told him "i love you"

he says he will never love anyone anymore in this lifetime..
hence hes wont say he loves me

im confused.. do you think we have a relationship? i feel like i love him.. im glad to see him.. tickled to be with him...

today, he says he wants to abstain from sex period. i love having sex with him.. his reason is he wants to be more spiritual therefore no sex..

i said to him, how about what i like?

im bad with relationships.. i have had two other lovers in my life.. one for 10 years(passed away), another for 5 (still friends) and then him, one year..

what am i doing wrong?

maroon.

[colinmackay]

You might not be doing anything wrong.

I can't really offer any advice here other than to offer my opinion that it looks like the relationship is running one way and that I believe that any relationship needs to be a two-way street.

[fredv3b]

Hi Trev,

Very difficult to advise without knowing more.

do you think we have a relationship?

Of course you have a relationship, but that's not really the question. What's important is what is the nature of that relationship, how healthy is it?

he says he will never love anyone anymore in this lifetime..

That's clearly implying some previous bad experience(s). Can't say any more without knowing more.

today, he says he wants to abstain from sex period. i love having sex with him.. his reason is he wants to be more spiritual therefore no sex..

Two questions really spring to mind. Was he enjoying having sex with you? (Not meaning to suggest anything about your performance, but perhaps other issues / past experiences were causing him not to enjoy it). Why does he feel that sex stops him from being spiritual?

[marshlander]

If we take what you've told us at face value it sounds as though he might be enjoying the conveniences of a relationship, but not necessarily the responsibilities. Sex may not be a big part of some relationships, but it is an important one and is a way we bond. Has he just floated this desire to abstain to gauge your reaction or is he going to deny you anyway? This kind of "spirituality" sounds pretty selfish.

Sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince.

[peterinmalaga]

I'm sorry you're having such a bad time with this guy. I am not a very spiritual person but would have thought that being “spiritual” should make you more loving especially to the person you have chosen to live with. He seems a very confused person or maybe he is not being very honest with you. You have clearly had a relationship with him but what is left now is hardly worth investing in from what you say. I would think that it might be time to move on. The main thing is to learn what you can from this relationship. Better luck next time, Trev.
Peter xx

[princealbertofb]

I'm afraid I'm going to go along with Peter's idea here, that maybe what your boyfriend is saying is that it's time to move on.
I think if sex is important to you, then it will be difficult for you to go along with abstinence. But I'm really wondering whether your boyfriend is being honest with you.
It might be that he's saying this because he no longer feels desire for you sexually, which may happen for all sorts of reasons, and / or maybe he's grown tired of your relationship.
The second idea that comes to mind is that he's been fooling around with other people and has caught some STD that needs to be cleared (or maybe he is frightened of getting one, which could also be the reason for abstinence) and therefore will need time without having sex. I can just imagine that if someone caught something that needed to be medically checked and treated, they would either owe their partner an explanation, or they'd come up with such a reason as wanting to be more spiritual, and less physical, just so they had time to get the treatment to work and then return to their normal behaviour. Are sex and health issues something that you can talk freely about with him?
It is also possible that he has had other forms of pressure from people around him, his family, his religious leader(s), his friends and that he can't talk to you about those...
Try to see what the real reasons below this are.

[trevvvv]

hi.. thanks you all for responding.. i read them all and appreciated all of your insights.. i know i didnt give you a lot of information to work ok..

we continue to live together.. i am finding out that he doesnt consider us as having any special relationship.. just a friendship.. he says that the sex we had were just sex.. nothing intimate.. i think i have given this relationship a chance and im giving up.. im disappointed that i cant find a good the right guy yet.. im sure in due time i will..

i dont think its fair for me to keep punishing myself with a roller coaster of a relationship..

i still love him.. but i guess, this too shall pass

its all good guys.. thanks for listening..

tomorrow is another day!!

seize the moment..

thanks

[marshlander]

Good luck.