When husbands or wives come out

[marshlander]

I had a friendship request recently on Facebook from a woman I didn't know particularly well, but who lived in the same village when her children and my children were growing up. I remember hearing that, when she and her husband split up, she had entered into a relationship with a woman, but as far as I was concerned it was just village gossip.

In her message she brought me up to date on her current circumstances and asked after my "dear lady wife", so I thought I'd explain a few coincidences. Since coming out to her a few weeks ago I have had no further messages from her. Maybe she'd heard a rumour and her curiosity has now been satisfied; no matter. I've had a few friends from the distant past who have gone horribly silent after I have revealed the changes in my situation. That's a bit more hurtful, but I guess it's inevitable considering the majority who have been supportive. It is certainly the case that I have found out who my friends are.

I thought this article in The Guardian was interesting. Some of the stories touched a chord with me and I could identify with many points made by the writer.

I'm not sure why we should be shocked when someone ends a marriage and comes out of the closet. A quick browse on the internet will reveal plenty of websites with names such as My Husband Is Gay and Gay Husbands/Straight Wives, with checklists for worried wives ...

But why should we have such illusions about marriage anyway? There are many things spouses choose to keep secret, and homosexuality is just one of them ...

There are three powerful bonds between people and, for better and for worse, they often operate separately, rather than together: sexual attraction, long-term attachment and romantic yearning ...

[fjp999]

[COLOR="Purple"]Facebook has brought many high school friends together... and when one old friend (a female) lived near and came to visit I made sure to ask if she knew that I was gay. She said: Frank, it is all over your facebook homepage!

It has been pretty amazing that not one friend has anything to say at all :biggrin: [/COLOR]

[postman]

Some of the stories touched a chord with me and I could identify with many points made by the writer.

me too...........I just hope my wife doesn't want my kidney :eek:

thanks for the post.....it was a good read

[Ultra]

It's quite interesting that a lot of spouses or coming out these days. I have read quite a lot. I would imagine this is not some sort of trend and I know this will go on and on as the years go by.

[Sil]

if only people felt they could REALLY talk about these things, it always seems like people end up married and in trouble before they really deal with the issues they have. I suppose love for one person can make them forget until you start to settle into the reality of marriage.

My friend got married to a girl my friends and I weren't entirely sure was right for him, but they'd been happily going out for nearly 8 years and it seemed like the right thing to do after the usual parental nudging. I came out of the closet to him in the next 6 months or so, and all of a sudden I became a confidante for his feelings and wants; he was very curious about me and my partner, and my 'interests' :redface:. It seemed he was developing a crush after I admitted to being gay.

I turned him down, way too complicated. He offered, pleaded, asked and twisted his way into maintaining his marriage while sleeping with other girls and guys, and naturally it all came crashing down around him in a divorce.

The last part Marshy posted, the quote, really struck a chord with that whole situation - she might've been accepting if he'd been more honest about it in the earlier stages. I think most straight guys would leap for joy if they found out their girl was a little bi-curious

[Aaycle]

marshlander, OMG, What a marvellous article, I read the entire thing. Most of the stories made me chuckle out loudly for minutes. What a compilation of excellent stories. However, the marriages in these stories were either accidental (latent homosexuality, or simply the person were unaware or unsure) or done to appease societal norms.

It is nothing new. What angers me, is the fact that people still have to hide who they are. It will always hurt a man to have to suppress who he is merely to seem normal, or to rid himself of ostracism, derisions, and shame.

Great read thanks!

[princealbertofb]

Absolutely!!! (@Aaycle )

[marshlander]

I keep hoping that my generation will be the last to have to hide who we are, marry and create havoc with other people's lives. Sadly I think my hope is a bit in vain :frown: