Nice Guy But Feel Ugly Looking

[rookies2007]

I am a very nice guy. I'll hold door opens for older people. I'll take people out to high class resturants and treat them well. I love to listen to people.

The problem? For 20 years I've been treated like crap; starting in HS.
I then realized I was gay at the age of 26. I am now at the age of 32.
I've tried to meet guys betwen the ages of 24-35. However, none of the local guys find me attractive at all and ONLY want a quick hookup of sex.

I even met another guy in person cause we had the same interests- walking, hiking, camping and sports. Since meeting him he has NOT answered my emails.

I have no friends, nobody likes me and I feel hurt. I've been hidding my pain inside for 20 years. Yes, I use to visit shrinks and all I was ever told take medician. That's all people think is the answer- well it is not.

I cry myself to sleep every night asking GOD, "Why Was I Ever Born?"

[spotysocks]

Awww... it cant be that bad!!! We all tend to see things worse than it really is sometimes.

It's not about high class restaurants, save this for the ones who love you unconditionally. What other people see besides physical appearance is how you feel about your self. It's important to be emotionally independent, when you feel unloved you got to step up love who you are even more. Treat yourself well and trust me things will start to change for you. But the question now is if you do know how, a lot of people dont.... if you are not sure ask.

You are right in what you said , medication are not always the answer. What doctors said about your situation , what was their diagnosis and are you on any medication now?

[rookies2007]

Hi spotysocks,

No, I am not on medication. I know what I have and that is:

1. Lack of friends.
2. No sex life.
3. Not feeling good looking.

[spotysocks]

Hello Rookie welcome to gayspeak by the waymile:

I asked if you are because you mentioned 'shrinks' and i am training into something similar myself so i ve seen medication given away bit too easily imo and i tell them ''dont' take them, go party!'' *giggles*

I know what I have and that is:

1. Lack of friends.
2. No sex life.
3. Not feeling good looking.

I like the 1 2 3 list , very precise and they link to each other. You do anything about this?

Your problem is not uncommon and with effort you ll solve this easily.
I dont know much about your lifestyle but generally speaking being active with work and sports ect gives you energy, balances your mood and boosts your confidence.
Make a resolution list... Start making friends first expand your social circle and one thing will lead to the other.
I d think it's easier to make friends if you join groups for sports arts or volunteer in something you ll enjoy and meet people with common interests and working for the same thing/purpose. If you are shy or not very confident let the other people do the talking and keep it light and fun as things grow to another deeper level.
Socializing and being a part of a group will make you feel good and thus look good.
Have in mind that most of the people have their moments or are conscious about their looks even the ones that you see and you think they are stunning; they sometimes feel less of themselves too...unless they are really stuck up and full of themselves. It comes down to personality and self-awareness.

The other stuff now... Go do some grooming/pampering and retail 'therapy'. Maybe you ll feel embarrassed but sexy when you try on a new shirt that makes your shoulders look bigger you abs firmer and a pair of jeans that make your bum look nice and perky. Shallow? Might be but it bloody works. If it is not your thing make it your thing.

How that sounds?

[rookies2007]

Hi Spotysocks,

I was very much bullied in both highschool and college. I've had guys tell me I am not so good looking. I even met a guy a month ago. We had alot in common and I really liked him. We went hiking together at the top of the mountains. We kissed up there I told him it was the best time I've had in about six(6) years. I've emailed him twice since then and he's just ignored my emails. I know where he lives cause he told me and I've seen his car parked in the driveway.

[spotysocks]

Dont worry about it Rookie... there is beauty in everything and everyone but not everyone can see it. Meet people make friends be yourself and comfortable within your skin and the rest will fall into place.
I know how cliche' that sounds but even so accept your strong and weak points and emphasize to what makes you look and above all feel good.
Bullies are stupid and if someone said you are not gl doesnt mean they hold the royalties in what good looks are... But lets assume you are not conventionally good looking; not a problem you see people have one arm one leg are deaf or something else and yet they have an active social and sex life- good looks come last on the list because they are strong and beautiful up here *points head*. Yeah looks make it easier in dating but as i said it comes down to personality and self-awareness.

Aha so that is what is all about huh? This guy who didnt email you He didnt replied yet, maybe he will later. You could do some more flirting but hey ... go easy on him dont stalk him now you know where he lives lol .
Just let people make their choices if someone doesnt want to keep in touch move on to find someone who will, easy to say and not too hard to do people do it all the time.

[feelmychampagne]

haha I do agree with spotysocks!

Often in Gay society people tend to focus too much on looks. People make friends with goodlookin guys and talk to the most attractive ones of them all. But in the end its the personality what counts!

If u feel unattractive, then i wud suggest u to work out. Workout as often as u can...excercise and keep up with it. This will not only bring all the boys to your yard but also will give u a great motivation by giving u a great body at ur age.

I once hooked up with somone around 45 and i cud never tell. He had such a great tight firm body that he cud barely pass being over 30. Thats coz he worked on his grooming as well. :redface:

Anyhow so basically try to be a lil conscious about ur looks and things will fall into place automatically. And about the guys who dont reply to u after meeting..forget them and move on. There are plenty of pink fishes in the sea....

Welcome to GS!

[drocko17]

Agree with spoty and champ, and specially in thinking that your first step is to find a group of people to dedicate to a specific sport/artistic activity, so you could meet new people and enjoy activities you are fond of.
I tell you my personal experience, as some years ago it happened to me something similar to what's happening to u know: My self esteem was practically destroyed, i could hardly be in a new group of friends, was terribly shy and insecure in every daily-life situation. I found the solution when i dedicated to volleyball up to the point of entering the school team, I gradually went improving and now i'm one of the best spikers/attackers and part of the main six-lineup in metropolitan league. It was extremely hard, cos sometimes, due to my insecurities and lack of self esteem it was hard to explode my abilities, specially in important matches, when under-pressure/nerves; my game always depended on how i felt emotionally, my psicology was always connected with my volleyball performance, sometimes i suffered a lot when i couldn't show my true-self and give space to wrong interpretations from other people, you know, prejudices.
When I was accepting my sexual condition to myself and caring less about what others said, self esteem and confidence started growing a bit, they just needed an impulse to grow more and more: that's when i took up swimming in the sports club, and continued practicing volleyball; i do 4/5 sport hours a week in all. Both sports , during this last year, were very useful to define myself at all, i think they were crucial, they gave an important emotional support, and still they are, as i'm in the middle of my coming-out process. Most people don't appreciate the essential psicological/emotional factor of sport activities.
Hope it could be useful. mile: good luck

[rookies2007]

Hi Guys,

Thanks for the responses.

As for working out? I was 250 lbs at 6'2", just a year ago. Today, August 12, 2007, I am 6'2" and 180 lbs. Each day I walk between 2-6 miles and 130 pushups.

As for meeting guys: The closest gay club to me is about 2 hours away. Plus I've heard stories where most of the guys are stuck up on their looks. My older brother sat me down when I came out to him a month ago. Yes, he is also gay. He told me about the clubs and how they all stuck up. He wasn't the only one to tell me this.

I've never had any one, either girl or guy, tell me I look nice! I am afraid to meet people cause I am afraid of rejection.

[rookies2007]

One thing I'd like to add, when it comes to sex gay men don't care if you are a nice person or about your over-all personality. As long as you are cute that's all that matters.