Sticks and stones...

[fredv3b]

Surely the bitching behind their back is a good reason not to talk to us, it leaves them vulnerable. But you are right.

[princealbertofb]

My best female friend is exactly like that. She can't stand women and the way they act and behave. She needs the frankness of men, at least she knows how to deal with them when they 'misbehave'. lol...

[colinmackay]

...they also seem to prefer our company to that of other women, or at least some do, but why?

Interesting question. I don't have an answer to that. It is something I shall ponder.

[colinmackay]

Hmmm.... I see when I was trying to write a reply, there was an interesting answer (and follow up discussion)... I should learn to think and write quicker.

[marshlander]

Here is an expression I won't use about someone unless they use it to describe themselves because I feel it is somewhat pejorative: "Fag hag" - to descrive a (close) female friend of a gay man...

I have a friend who does not hang around anyone. She lives on her own with her paints, canvasses ... and ferrets. She refers to herself proudly as a hag. She says it was a term once used to describe women knowledgeable in the properties of plants and their healing abilities and is claiming the word back from those who consider it a term of abuse.

[colinmackay]

I have a friend who ... refers to herself proudly as a hag. She ... is claiming the word back from those who consider it a term of abuse.

Good for her!

I applaud anyone for attempting to turn a word of abuse into a positive one.

[AgentWashington]

It seems to me that most people adopt otherwise 'abusive' terms for their own use in an attempt to defeat the purpose of it's use as offensive. It seems this only works superficially, however, as those who adopt the term are seemingly comfortable using it within their own 'group', but if anyone outside uses it, the term remains offensive.

Such examples are with the term n*****. Blacks will use it in everything from general conversation to musical lyrics, but if a white uses it, it is deemed inappropriate and remains offensive.

I think it just comes down to... the term remains offensive, regardless, but it's impact can be negated when it is used by those within the group.

But then, language does have a way of changing. I mean, 'gay' once simply meant 'happy', and 'fagot' was a bundle of wood.

Despite everything 'mom' taught us, words do hurt, and often worse than 'sticks and stones'.

You get beat up, you get over it. You get verbally abused, that tends to stick with you.

Kudos to anyone who finds a way to take the sting out of insults and ignore verbal injustices. Just be sure that in adopting the terms, you're not keeping yourself in a perpetual mindset of abuse.

Sometimes, we adopt a view others have of us, thinking to disarm those who insult, and instead we end up living trapped in the cage we built instead of finding freedom through accepting who we really are, rather than what others wish to label us with.

[marshlander]

Interesting, AgentWashington, and yes I can agree with much of what you say. Now I'm trying to think of terms that I might consider describe me that weren't imposed from the outside. The only one I can think of is "gay". This works in reverse. We claimed the name as a celebration and it has more recently become a term of abuse.

[colinmackay]

It seems to me that most people adopt otherwise 'abusive' terms for their own use in an attempt to defeat the purpose of it's use as offensive. It seems this only works superficially, however, as those who adopt the term are seemingly comfortable using it within their own 'group', but if anyone outside uses it, the term remains offensive.

Such examples are with the term n*****. Blacks will use it in everything from general conversation to musical lyrics, but if a white uses it, it is deemed inappropriate and remains offensive.

With the term nigger (let's not perpetuate it by asterisking it out) the issue is not that White folks are using it as a term of abuse, they are simply not allowed to use it otherwise. Black folks get all upset and start calling it rascism. At least, that's how it looks to me. I'm on the other side of the Atlantic and the term "nigger" doesn't enter in to the vocabulary over here.

When someone uses the term "fruit" or "queen" I don't get upset so long as the intonation was one where offense was not meant. If it was said with hate or derision then I have every right to be upset by it.

But then, language does have a way of changing. I mean, 'gay' once simply meant 'happy', and 'fagot' was a bundle of wood.

Gay has had a long an interesting history. In Chaucer's time the word "boy" did not exist to describe a male child (it was what you called a servant). A boy was a "neive girl" and a girl was a "gay girl". By the early 20th century the word "gay" had come to mean "carefree" (which I guess is close to happy)

Interestingly "faggot" over here is a type of meatball. (Well, at least in the South West of England). The first time I ever heard it used as a term of homophobic abuse was watching Eddie Murphy. It is used as a term of abuse over here, but not very often in my experience.

And "to bum a fag" means to beg for a cigarette. Although, it is fun to use that expression in front of American's that don't realise this and watch the expression on their face.

[joseph]

it is bad saying bad name a bout peple.like gay peple and blackpeple i criyed if somone even called me a bad name.