I have a bit of a dilemma

[Anonymous]

I am gay and I am very much in the closet. Coming out is something which is not an option for me due to circumstances and attitudes. However, I am being pursued by a girl. I don’t have to be straight to know all I have to do is give the go sign and I am in a relationship. This is a pitfall of being gay and in the closet. So how can I let her know I am not interested without hurting her feelings or leaving her wondering why?

[fredv3b]

Short answer, you can't.

Long answer, you can do your best to let her down gently and hurt her feelings as little as possible. As to why, probably, best to say you are just not interested in her and leave it at that.

[colinmackay]

However, I am being pursued by a girl. I don’t have to be straight to know all I have to do is give the go sign and I am in a relationship. This is a pitfall of being gay and in the closet. So how can I let her know I am not interested without hurting her feelings or leaving her wondering why?

I've been there! The problem for me was that I was denying who I was at the time. I never sought female relationships and when this came along I saw the opportunity to play the dutiful-son and to fulfil a role that I perceived society wanted me to fill. That was never going to end well.

I say that only in case you feel tempted to take the easy route and enter a relationship.

You could try to let her down gently and say she is not your type - which is technically true.

[marshlander]

"Circumstances and attitudes" ...?

Are you in a country where being gay is illegal?

[joseph]

if you was gay a boyfrind not a girlfrind . ayou not have to it can be her diffrint boyfrined.

[peterinmalaga]

Wouldn't you deal with this the same way you would deal with a gay man who you didn't fancy? Whether gay or straight, you're not going to get into a long-term relationship with someone you don't fancy are you? Just say she's not your type and you're not looking for a relationship with anybody. A person who can't cope with rejection should not get into a relationship with anybody - they may want to have their own way over everything!