Being yourself

[Anonymous]

I'm a guy who's attracted to guys and girls. I've known since I was quite young but am only really facing the prospect of what that means now. I've kept this to myself all my life, but recently I'm interested as to how my life would change if I was to tell my freinds and family. I was recently talking to a friend of mine who is gay. I asked him what it was like when he came out and he told me it wasn't about courage it was about being yourself. It's really made me think. I've always thought that I am "myself". But I've noticed that I behave entirely different among different groups of people. I'd consider myself to behave like any other guy most of the time. I don't do drama or screaming or gossipin, and like most other straight guys I tend to keep my guilty pleasures to myself! But I've noticed that when I'm around my family - who are the people I have the most desire to tell - I get really camp. And it annoys me because I know that isn't really me. Its like some kind of subconcious hope they'll find out without me having to tell them. And that is such a cowards way out. Up until this year I've had mostly guy mates, and it was great - drinkin beers and playin videogames and usual kinda guy stuff. But this year I have basically no friends that are guys because I've moved away from all my old ones. It's like I feel guilty for bein friends with guys incase they find out and think I was only friends with them cos I wanted sex. I spend all my time around girls which is fine in small doses but it's really startin to do my head in. And I'm worried that I'm slowly becoming someone really camp. I don't mean this as any offence to guys that are camp - Its just not me - It's like in trying to express who I am, I'm not bein myself at all. Does that make any sense? Anyone got any advice?

[colinmackay]

But this year I have basically no friends that are guys because I've moved away from all my old ones. It's like I feel guilty for bein friends with guys incase they find out and think I was only friends with them cos I wanted sex.

When I came out last year, none of my friends thought that I was just friends because I wanted sex with them. They were all really supportive.

And I think that if they did form the opinion that you were only friends to become close and have sex then they probably didn't really know you well enough to be a friend.

I spend all my time around girls which is fine in small doses but it's really startin to do my head in. And I'm worried that I'm slowly becoming someone really camp. I don't mean this as any offence to guys that are camp - Its just not me - It's like in trying to express who I am, I'm not bein myself at all. Does that make any sense? Anyone got any advice?

Why does it worry you if you become camp? You say "it's just not me" but if you happen to be moving in that direction why fight it. Maybe it is because I'm more-or-less a go-with-the-flow kind of person that it wouldn't bother me.

Then again, I was in the closet for long enough that when I came out I dropped all the barriers that were keeping me hidden and some people (and one person specifically) thought I was trying to be someone I wasn't. (As a result of losing weight I needed to buy new clothes and I went in a completely different direction and I just generally started taking pride in my appearance)

I don't know if that make any sense to you. Or if it helps in anyway.

[Kiid]

hope they'll find out without me having to tell them. And that is such a cowards way out.

Never being queer is hard. And coming out even harder.


And being your self is hard till you fell excepted by the people around you.

[Kiid]

Then again, I was in the closet for long enough that when I came out I dropped all the barriers that were keeping me hidden and some people (and one person specifically) thought I was trying to be someone I wasn't.

Lol the head girl of my school thinks I just say I'm gay to get with the other chicks I hang out with. And they think I changed. Sure I did change, but to who I am today

[marshlander]

Before I came out I was many different people. It was exhausting. After coming out I feel like one personality, rather than many. Nowadays there are just people who know more about me than others. That feels far healthier.

[peterinmalaga]

It's like I feel guilty for being friends with guys in case they find out and think I was only friends with them cos I wanted sex.


If you were out of the closet, surely you would make it clear to the ones you fancied that you fancied them, wouldn't you? Well if you thought they might respond favourably, you would. And I doubt if you would fancy ALL your friends?


This is the only life you get and when you are 70 you won't get as many offers as you get when you are younger. So what are you waiting for – your old age pension?

[colinmackay]

Lol the head girl of my school thinks I just say I'm gay to get with the other chicks I hang out with.

I suspect that if that was the real reason then you would be found out pretty quickly and the word would spread that you were not to be trusted.

And they think I changed. Sure I did change, but to who I am today

That's great. You are a wonderful person and you are doing great things.

[colinmackay]

Before I came out I was many different people. It was exhausting.

I can imagine. It is the reasont that I want to come out at work, I don't like being a different person there, or watching my words.

[Kiid]

I suspect that if that was the real reason then you would be found out pretty quickly and the word would spread that you were not to be trusted.

lol i do like to pretend to flirt with my girlfriends!

It makes school fun.
I get more girls the the hot straight guys.

[colinmackay]

lol i do like to pretend to flirt with my girlfriends!

It makes school fun.
I get more girls the the hot straight guys.

Ha ha! I like that.

I see your mood is currently "depressed". I'm sorry to see that. Here's a big hug all the way from Scotland to help cheer you up.