Hey

[scouty]

Hey

I'm Scouty. I'm really struggling to come to terms with this aspect of myself. I've never been in a gay situation but about half my sexual thoughts are about guys. The shame and fear of it is killing me to be honest.
I'm a recovering alcoholic and addict and these feelings have intensified as i've got sober. To be honest, even investigating this stuff online is a step in the right direction for me.

I dunno, that's all i wanna say for now. Thanks for reading.

[marshlander]

Hello, scouty, and welcome to our little part of the cyberverse.

You are not the first and won't be the last to be dealing with what you describe, so many best wishes for continuing success with your recovery.

In the end, if you want to categorise your sexual self, and most of us have this inner drive to understand ourselves more, you'll no doubt go with whatever makes you feel most comfortable. It is not unheard of for people your age or even older to put the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle in the right order at last. Several of us on this site have been through it later in life. It's not easy at any age, but coming out as an older man sometimes presents its own special challenges.

Best wishes.

[Kiid]

Hey there. Welcome and I hope you stick around here.

I understand you. At first I didn't want to be queer. But I found that its not as scary as it seemed at first. Theres not even that much homophobia for me.

Hope all goes well for you!

[scouty]

Thanks guys

[colinmackay]

I'm Scouty. I'm really struggling to come to terms with this aspect of myself. I've never been in a gay situation but about half my sexual thoughts are about guys. The shame and fear of it is killing me to be honest.

I think you've made a good first step. I didn't speak to anyone until I felt I pretty much understood myself. In retrospect, I wish I had, my journey to that point may have been easier and quicker.

I also know what you mean be the fear and shame of it. Although, I think it is very personal too. I wasn't ashamed of being gay towards the end of my time in the closet, even tho' I mentally beat myself up over it early on. Within the last few months I was more ashamed that it took me so long. I was afraid that people would think I'd been a fraud. (Especially those that helped out when my wedding fell apart a few years earlier - relatives that refused to accept their gifts back or my parents who took some of the financial hit of late cancellations)

I found that the reaction of people was pretty much entirely positive. I think it took my dad a little time to accept it, and I got a little stressed out about it over Christmas, but its all good now.

I don't know if this helps, but I wrote about part of my experience (I'll be writing some more at some point) because I felt there was very little out there from LGBT centres and organisations about coming out past your mid-twenties. When I did my own research it was all about coming out in your teens or early twenties. So I thought there was something wrong with me being so late to the party (so to speak!)

I dunno, that's all i wanna say for now. Thanks for reading.

Thanks for sharing... as they say, a problem shared is a problem halved.

[fredv3b]

I'd agree with all the above, very good advice. However I would like to add one thing, being gay isn't just about sex, its also about romance, etc. Heterosexual society seems to try to program us from birth to believe that romance is only ever heterosexual and there is no such thing as gay love. I think you should ask yourself who you would rather be with, not just have sex with.

Good Luck

[Dark Angel]

welcome. hey!

[Mideb]

welcome to GS Scouty