Amigo, I must agree with Donald. When it comes to the creativity of your mind, the story is remarkable, but when it comes to the telling of the story, it needs a good bit of work.
Based on what I have read, if you wish to improve your writing, I would start by reading . . . and reading a great deal at that. It is part of unknown background of any great writer--they read far more than they write.
Your story reminds me a bit of "The Jungle" by Upton Sinclair in many ways. Like your story, it is about a slaughter house, and like your story, the people in the slaughter house are caught up in a system that will ultimately destroy them. Though yours is science fiction, Sinclair's is meant to be a picture of the slaughter industry during the early 20th century and from a larger perspective, a criticism of capitalism.
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Thank you wintereis!
Yes... I should do more reading... I regret not reading enough during high school. I wonder why I didn't.
I hated literature class during high school because the teacher was always right and I was always wrong.
The teacher would ask the students what we thought about the story, and whenever I told her what I thought about the story, she would say I was wrong and the correct interpretation of the story was such and such...
Sort of discouraged me from reading...
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Actually "Human Farm" was from "Animal Farm", but the animals in the farms are substituted with humans, and humans are substituted with aliens.
So the aliens are running a farm, a farm of humans, and I wanted to see where I can go from there...
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Human Farm (A story)
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