hi
I have a problem, a conflict in my family. I'm never coming out because I afraid my parents' and I decided to married a girl. But I never have sex with girls, only with guys. My penis will never erect on nude girl. I tried to masturbate on girls photo but I only feel a psychological discomfort and pain. I don't know if I get married how can we live without sex, I afraid myself.
I have a psychological pressure of my parents on one hand and psychological pressure of impossibility having sex with girls on another. It's so difficult to live in small town with homophobian citizens and feel hopelessness of emerging situation.
Who can help me please write down any solution
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Hi,
You really have my sympathy, nobody ought to be in your situation. However my personal opinion is that getting married to a girl is likely to be a disaster, sex is a natural, normal and (to many people) an essential part of marriage. I think getting married is a bad idea for you, but also think about your wife to be, she deserves a proper husband.
Without knowing your family its difficult to advise you how to tell them you do not want to get married. If you live in a small town, have you thought about moving to a larger one?
Fred
Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
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Indeed, imagine the kind of emotional pain a wife would feel who believes her husband does not find her the *least* bit attractive, because you can't confess you are gay? She'll just think exactly what the truth is, only in the wrong context. You are not sexually attracted to her, you don't find her pleasing, you don't want to have sex with her. That's all true, but not for the reasons she'll think, and that's a burden that is completely unfair to place on someone else.
As much as it must suck to bear this burden, it really *is* yours to bear, don't make it someone else's as well. Do what you have to do for you without harming someone else in the process.
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I didn't speak to my parents for 3 years through fear of rejection. When i told them i liked guys not girls in a letter, they replied with support. I suppose at that point, i had nothing to lose. We are all very close now.
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Why do you think you can't tell your parents that you are gay if you don't mind me asking?
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Hi pogor2008, welcome to the site. I'm afraid I have to agree with what has already been said. I was married for many years and have known many others who were also married. It is SO unfair on the other person in the marriage.
Are your parents trying to arrange a marriage for you? That could be specially difficult. What are the prospects for being able to move to another, bigger city? With your churches and politicians, though, I don't know how different it could be in another place? I suppose that at least you would not be close enough to your family to make life more difficult for them. Many people around the world find it necessary to marry a "beard" - make a marriage of convenience - for the sake of keeping up appearances. Good luck, pogor. There is no easy solution to this one. Agent Washington is right though. You should not enter a marriage by deceiving your wife.
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