What would you do?

[marsyas]

Hi, everyone I just thought I would ask how other people may see the situation I find myself in. Well, to begin with I live in Oxford, which is supposed to be UK''s ninth gayest town - whatever this may be supposed to mean. The population is made up basically by students, something which naturally affects the local gay scene. What is the local scene? Well, a bar, a pub, and a club. All these "function" on Friday and Saturday nights only. I mean that the bar and the pub are open on weeknights, but no one is ever there. Last time I were at the bar on a Wednesday night, I was alone with the barman who was doing ... his homework, AND I am not kidding. But even on gay nights one sees again and again the same people, basically middle-aged and some older men. I don't have anything against older men, but usually there are just no my type or not interested in something more substantial. On the other hand, there aren't any younger people. Students do not show up, because the handbook of the university's LGBT society has warned them that they will stalked !!! if they go there alone. I am a student and I have been going there all this time and haven't had this problem - at least not so far. Most of them they are so much better than the townies or that they cannot mix with people who are intellectually inferior. If you ask me, this is just a load of crap! And of course when they show up they do so in groups or surrounded by 5, 6 or even more faghags. Sometimes, straight women outnutmber gay single men there. I usually find myself talking to straight women all the time - since guys are not available. Even older guys who go there, tell me this is not the place to meet men (why?), and they suggest gaydar. The people who are in the chatrooms in Gaydar are usually regulars at the bar, so I know them, and just find that I can't function online - some bad experiences and so I decided to try how it is to meet people face to face out there. What I want to know is what's the big deal with going out to the local gay bar? We should be happy that we have a place for us and they act as if it is something to be ashamed of! Why should people stay indoors behind their laptop and wait for heaven to send them a guy? Even in the LGBT soc of the university the members are more interested in elections, politics and activism. I spend the whole day studying and when I go out I want to relax. I don't want to talk politics and hear to snobish undergraduates act important - most of them have not been in a bar and do not know how it is out there. Besides, if you don't come from an English speaking country is difficult to find common ground with most of them. So, I am faced with the following oxymoron: I am in a town with a very bid gay population, but I cannot meet anyone out there, because no one goes to the bar (they think it is a nasty place...). But even in a cafe, or in the cinema they won't relax and make contact. What is one to do? I have tried London, but the expenses and the time are a problem. And when you do not know the city very well, it can be a bit dangerous. So what would you do:confused:?

[jet2A]

Make one or two gay friends through an activity and you will start getting invitations to dinners and parties where you will expand your network as your friends introduce you to their friends. Getting introduced is much less awkward and much more successful than approaching people in bars or the internet.

The biggest mistake I see the small-towners make when they come to LA is they tell themselves that the only place they will meet gay people is at gay bars and in the school GSA and the like. I've met my more worthwhile gay friends in "straight" settings.

[marshlander]

I'd tackle the homophobia in the LGBT Soc!!!

I'm fifty miles away from Cambridge (and I've no idea where that ranks in the UK's gayest places - how do they come up with these listings?), but there is a longstanding antipathy between locals and students. Naturally neither Oxford nor Cambridge would be what they are without their universties, but we are in enough of a minority without further alienating the locals.

As an older gay man (referred to somewhat affectionately as an "OGM" by some of the youngsters in our local gay bar) I am disappointed that these stereotypes still exist. In our town we have one pub that opens four nights a week only and there is a fine mix of generations. I can spend time chatting with youngsters or with people of my generation or older. I am touched that many of them feel comfortable enough to greet me with a hug and a kiss; I have never made the first move, because of such longstanding prejudice against older men. I suppose there are some predatory men still chasing chickens, but I'm not aware of any. Your LGBT Soc members will never grow up if they don't get out and mix in the real world.

[marsyas]

Thanks marshlander - at least, now I know I am not the crazy person here, although usually they make me feel so. Now as to changing attitudes within universities, such as Oxford, and even worse their societies, let's be realistic that just won't happen. Even faculty members who are gay are too affraid to go out for fear of ''damaging'' their profile. They are all hiding instead of giving the example. I know two seventy year olds, retired professors, who are regulars at the scene (which is considered a taboo word nowadays - people I am told need to ''act'' straight). It would seem that younger acedemics have some inexplicable issues with their identity. Tomorrow the bar will reopen after a break of two weeks I just want to see how many people will show up (low expectations, of course). The best solution, I think, is to get the hell out of this town. I can stand this hypocritical behaviour anymore. Take care!

[marshlander]

And these people are responsible for educating the next generation? :eek: