Hi , another Newbie here

[marshlander]

Sorry to hear this, Gareth. I don't know your wife, obviously, but this sounds pretty normal to me. The implications of what you have told her are sinking in and she is beginning to panic. If you foster kids I assume that is a source of income too? Difficult. :frown:

[Gareth125]

Yeah , thats the problem. Its my whole life , kids , job etc etc . The whole thing is so frustrating , i just long to be with a man . Its really getting me down .

[ben]

That is a hard place you find yourself in mate.

Am at the same place as you in that I have started talking to different guys and hopefully well be meeting one this weekend just as mates as that is all I wont for now. Just mates to be me sen around.

I do know something about Fostering mate. Mostly social services are open mined. I know you probs got closs to your foster kids and it is going to be a big fear that you might have them taken away. But you know gay couples and single ppl can foster and do foster kids as well. I think as long as the kids are being looked after then you should be OK. That's all the social severs wont as am sure you know. Just make sure you don't argue to much at front of them and stuff and you should be OK. After all what you and your wife are going frow is life. Social servers don't expect you to be some kinder un-human person you know. Plus you have done nothing wrong here.
My guss is as long as the kids are being looked after well and feel save at home then that's all that matters to all involved.

Like others here have said I think your wife is just realizing that what you have told her was true and its now becoming a reality for her. You have had all your life to get used to being gay and prob still are not that comfortable with it. I know am not with me being gay. So maybe your wife needs some moor time. Its your life but my guss is that your life is going to have to change a lot for you to get in a place where your happy. You have to be happy as well as all the other ppl in your life that love you and if they love you they well eventually understand that. And all this from a guy that's not even out himself yet. But that's just the way I see it

[princealbertofb]

I think, Gareth, you just need to stick around with us for a bit. It'll let you let off some steam and probably provide an outlet for your questions and frustrations. Just vent when you need to and ask for the appropriate advice and comforting. This may only be virtual for a while but it surely won't be long till you've actually found some people that you can really relate to in real life. It happens, you've just got to trust that it does. Be patient in the meantime and try not to lose focus when dealing with the kids. It's not their fault, of course.
Your wife is probably feeling that she was a fool to have fallen for the sham marriage and probably blames herself as much for letting it happen. Of course she'll be mad, because unless and until you two get a divorce or separate), she won't be able to rebuild her life with another person that matters. Just a thought that might be helpful to remember.
Then there's the problem of keeping it simple and keeping it wise. Humans are not very good at that. So good luck, Gareth and don't hesitate to come and moan, weep or complain here.

PA

[Gareth125]

Thanks guys , i really value your support and advice . It's probably going to be a long and painful journey , but needs to be done , much sacrifice . To start with Ive got to work on building up some gay friendships locally.

I have made some gay friends far away , through other friends , and my foster son is gay too ( he left home a year ago and he and his b.f have been very supportive ) . The problem will be me going out locally and meeting people , something my wife will have to accept , or not , we will see.

I met one guy( a friend of a friend) who had been really supportive , he is in a "monogomous relatonship" , but then started suggesting meeting me alone ...it seemed that he wanted to "teach me" hmmmm . Will be very wary me finks lol.

It seems that many monogomous relationships that I have come accross seem to be "open" and that many share sexual encounters , or go "cruising". Be honest and tell me is this normally the case? or just co-incidence ?

I'm ready to explore my sexuality with the right person , but just not into one night stands . i did all that when i was in my teens and 20's allbeit with women , and dont plan to go back to doing that and living that kind of lifestyle

[marshlander]

That kind of monogamy is like the vegetarian who eats chicken. I suspect it may be relatively more rare, but a more traditional kind of monogamy exists too. While I was married I found it increasingly difficult to be faithful to my poor wife. However, I now find it easy to stay faithful to my partner, even if we have spent much of our time several hundred miles apart over the past few years. He just makes it so worthwhile. Sorry if I'm getting boring. It's not me feeling virtuous, but more an expression of amazement at how my priorities have changed.

[fredv3b]

That kind of monogamy is like the vegetarian who eats chicken.

[Gareth125]

Thats reassuring to know . Must be just the funny vegetarians i have met then lol. Well i like my meat , medium rare , juicy with pink in the middle , have no intentions on becoming a vegetarian pmsl:biggrin:

[juk]

Well i like my meat , medium rare , juicy with pink in the middle...

Dont we all lol

[Gareth125]

Shame there couldn't be a dial a steak , just ring up choose what u want and have it delivered to your door lol.