Hi , another Newbie here

[Gareth125]

Hi all . Just found this site and wanted to come in and introduce myself

I'm 40 yr old man , and came out last week . I'm married ( 11yrs) and finally told my wife . It was a really shock for her ( I took away her future as she puts it bluntly) , however we came to the agreement that I will stay with her for companionship and go out and meet gay guys, so long as I come back to her and don't leave. So thats the way it stands at the moment , unless later in the future she changes her mind about what she can deal with. I do love her ( in my own way , not sexually of course) , and in a way I'm happy to stay . We have built a life together , have kids who we have formed a close bond with , so why would I want to throw that all away? Obviously the sex bit of our relationship is missing , but there is more to love than sex right?

I'm interested in meeting guys for friendship . Not ready for anything physical at the moment , just getting used to being Gay and being my true self for the first time in my life . Coming out to my wife was the hardest thing I have ever done . To inflict so much pain on someone you have built a life with is devistating . There is no secret lover or anyone else . I just couldn't live a lie anymore . Things hadn't been going well in our relationship for a while and the unhappier I became the harder my feelings towards guys were to surpress.
I am relieved to now be me , no more pretending to be someone I'm not .

Anyway , I'm hoping to make some on line buddies , and would value the friendship and support

[ben]

Hi Gareth. I just found this place myself.
Its a helpful place I am finding.

That must of been hard to tell your wife that.
I am lucky I dont have that to do.

But anyway even tho am still new here myself I still welcome you here

[Gareth125]

Thanks . I just need to find a place where I can be myself . I spent too many years living a life in the dark . The wife has kind of accepted things , tho it's like I never came out , she took her wedding ring off , took down wedding pics etc , but now they are back . Ive agreed to stay , but she is worried I will meet someone else and leave her. I can't promise I wont meet anyone , but need to explore being gay, otherwise I may as well be back in the closet and saved her the pain, but it would take an increadibly special person to make me leave her for them. I think she is in denial wants me to "play my role" and not tell many people locally. It's still early days though and it will take a while for her to get used to it. Most wives would have kicked their husband out , so i consider myself a very lucky guy .

My parents took it well . My mum thought it was a side effect of the medication i'm taking, till i explained that I have been gay ever since I can remember lol. I have some gay friends and my foster son is gay , so got no issues . Ive made contact with a local group to meet people and make friends gonna meet them on Tuesday . A bit nervous but got to do it . My brother was great and so supportive , a great guy . The rest of my close friends have been great and none of them have issues with it.

[MysteriousBoy]

Firstly, you are really brave. Congrats man, for coming out after building a "straight" life for you. It can't have been easy all them years living with this secret.
I don't want to judge your personal life and the "deal" you've made with your wife...it will take time but hopefully in time you can lead seperate lives as it's what both you and your wife deserve... to be with someone you truly belong with. It's great you guys can still be friends though...You have my support . Good luck!

[ben]

Thanks . I just need to find a place where I can be myself .

Yes this is the main thing am looking for.
Just mates atm that I can be me sen around. And maybe that well lead to a BF I hope.

Am not out like you tho. I don't see no point in doing that intell I have reson to come out.
I think I well though if I get into a relationship with a guy then I think I am now feeling OK to come out when that or if hat happens ever.
I think for you tho it was moor important that you told your wife.
I have been with girls and hiding it from them really was a nightmare.
Some girls that ive not been with have actually tried to get me drunk be for lol
They think am just shy and need a drink to relax haha. Am not shy at all around ppl i know. Just not interested in them in that way. Only my X knows about me being gay. I told her cos I did like her a lot just not in that way and it dose have an effect on the relationship. So I really simpervise with you hiding this for so long.

My mum thought it was a side effect of the medication i'm taking, till i explained that I have been gay ever since I can remember lol. .

lmao. That sort of thing would make it easier for me to deal with actually.... That's quite funny.

[Genersis]

WELCOME!:biggrin:
Sounds like a lot has been going on in your life lately!:eek:
Wish ya all the best!:biggrin:

[marshlander]

Hi Gareth,

Welcome and many congratulations for doing one of the most difficult things you may ever have to face in your life. I was also about forty when I came out to my (then) wife. You both have my deepest sympathies, because I suspect that the next few years are going to test you both like nothing ever has before.

Best wishes to you both. I promise you there is life after disclosure - just not as we thought we knew it

[Gareth125]

I have no regrets at coming out . I feel so liberated in myself , like I had carried a huge weight on me for years and now it's gone . I feel like a kid again and it's christmas ( does that sound strange to you?) . I'm really looking forward to meeting other gay guys and making friends and being able to be myself around them. Normally I feel very uncomfortable around hetero guys , esp when then start talking about women, football and all that other matcho stuff. Is this usual?

[Genersis]

I have no regrets at coming out . I feel so liberated in myself , like I had carried a huge weight on me for years and now it's gone . I feel like a kid again and it's christmas ( does that sound strange to you?) . I'm really looking forward to meeting other gay guys and making friends and being able to be myself around them. Normally I feel very uncomfortable around hetero guys , esp when then start talking about women, football and all that other matcho stuff. Is this usual?

All very normal!mile:

Although, due to my upbringing, I Have imence trouble talking about anything sexual in person, its just a taboo thing in my family. So I'd still feel uncomfortable wheather the topic wonders onto girls, OR guys.:redface:

[marshlander]

I have no regrets at coming out . I feel so liberated in myself , like I had carried a huge weight on me for years and now it's gone . I feel like a kid again and it's christmas ( does that sound strange to you?) . I'm really looking forward to meeting other gay guys and making friends and being able to be myself around them. Normally I feel very uncomfortable around hetero guys , esp when then start talking about women, football and all that other matcho stuff. Is this usual?

Absolutely nothing unexpected in any of that. It's at times like this that one realises that clichés begin somewhere. I too experienced that "weight lifted" feeling These days I am myself around everyone ... even in front of paying audiences if I see two men prevented from dancing together